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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SAHMs at my school don't pull their weight?

257 replies

Donningflakjacket · 16/12/2010 11:40

Our school governing body is struggling to find someone to take over as chair, because we are all working mums or dads who find it hard to find the time to be a governor anyway, never mind the extra responsibilities of chair. There are NO SAHM on the board of governors and no SAHMs have even put themselves forward in the last 3 years - even though about 20% of the school are SAHMs.

Why are none of these people prepared to do their bit to help the school educate their child? They are more than happy to moan when the school doesn't do something well but not prepared to actually take some responsibility.

And also, if you are a SAHM don't talk to me about the pressures of work when you have no idea! And especially don't talk to me about pressure of work and then expect me to run round sorting costumes and presses for a night out.

Ok, rant over. You can throw your biscuits now.

OP posts:
DontLetTinselDragOnTheFloor · 16/12/2010 12:05

Newcomers to the school may think I do fuck all, what with having no preschoolers etc. They will have missed all the years of PTA work I did. I don't give a shit what they think.

Tryharder · 16/12/2010 12:06

I think you are probably right. The hardest working parent on our school's PTA committee has 3 children under 6, works a 50 hour week in a high powered job and gets up at 4am every morning to do her housework (I know this because she told me). I bow down to her superiority she's barking

belgo · 16/12/2010 12:06

Most SAHMs have worked at some point in their lives. It is very ignorant to assume they don't know about working life just because they spend a few years at home with their children.

Many SAHMs do not have the child care necessary to do voluntary work. And they often have other commitments eg. caring for other family members which means they have little free time.

Doing voluntary work is a luxury. I helped paint my children's school the other weekend but only because my in laws were looking after my children.

JenaiMarrsTartanFoxCube · 16/12/2010 12:06

prerogative

bupcakesandcunting · 16/12/2010 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Original poster
Donningflakjacket · 16/12/2010 12:07

I do know I am being unreasonable - I should also be moaning about all the other people who don't help. But I am surprised that not one SAHM is on the governors. Childcare is an issue whether you work or not as the meetings are evenings. And I'm not talking about the PTA, although if you are not interested in helping govern why not help fundraise?

And what's wrong with starting a bun fight? I thought that was what AIBU was for... ranting anonymously when you can't rant at your friends.

OP posts:
MrsDingDongMerrily · 16/12/2010 12:07

I think that many SAHMs are unavailable for evening meetings because their husbands work / commute very late or away. I can't speak for our governors, but our PTA is a mixture of both and works well. Some SAHMs also study, and need their evenings for that, some work in the evenings but people don't realize that because they are always in the playground.

Also some employed people are governors because their workplace encourages them to take up community responsibilities, they may not have done it otherwise.

DontLetTinselDragOnTheFloor · 16/12/2010 12:08

you are unreasonable and cowardly.

winnybella · 16/12/2010 12:08

Erm, because some just do not care? I pay my taxes and donations for various school events/trips etc- I have no interest whatsoever in fundrising/baking etc.

Original poster
Donningflakjacket · 16/12/2010 12:10

Yes dontlettinsel - unreasonable and cowardly it's true.

OP posts:
Original poster
Donningflakjacket · 16/12/2010 12:12

But I am worried about what happens to our school if we can't find a chair.

OP posts:
melodyangel · 16/12/2010 12:12

I would love to join the PTA but they always ask for people with certain skill sets, law, accountancy, stuff like that. Not sure an in-depth knowledge of lego, playmobil and top trumps is quite what they want.

Alouiseg · 16/12/2010 12:15

Governers have to be voted for and if you've been a sahm for the last 13 years it's rather intimidating to present a statement when you're up against parents with glittering careers.

I don't think you are being u at all by asking the question btw.

Niecie · 16/12/2010 12:16

YABU but you already know that.

I am the only SAHM who is a governor at DS1's school.

TBH I don't think it matters much whether you are or aren't a SAHM. I still have to have childcare to go to the meetings. That wouldn't change if I got a job.

Of course I don't get time off to go to training and day time meetings or to help out at the school like the working governors who are legally entitled to take days off for training. As a result I missed out on an away day to talk about the curriculum because I didn't have childcare for a the whole day. All the working parents had no such trouble.

The chair has always been a working person, for the last 15 yrs anyway. I refer you again to the rules about being legally allowed to take time off for governor duties.

mrsruffallo · 16/12/2010 12:17

PTA? What a bore.
We have Wycliffe and Due South on daytime telly now

tethersjinglebellend · 16/12/2010 12:17

Arf.

Even if I spent all day sat on my arse being fed peeled grapes, I would give the governing body a wide berth. Particularly this one. Can't quite put my finger on why...

MrsDingDongMerrily · 16/12/2010 12:17

Also, our school has lots of SAHMs who spend perhaps 2 afternoons a week helping at school, help with fundraising, help with parties, help with costumes, as well as maybe being on the PTA, but then feel that actually that is enough and they don 't want to be a governor as well but want to have interests that are away from the school.

I have been both working and SAHM since my DCs started school, I think working parents are more likely to join the governors as they cannot help in the day, whereas many SAHMs have seen enough of the place by the evening.

Original poster
Donningflakjacket · 16/12/2010 12:19

Good on you niecie and thanks for info about legal days off which actually I didn't know (although as I am Pt it's hard to take days out of work).

OP posts:
hmc · 16/12/2010 12:19

I used to be a senior manager in my past life - but no way could I put up with the petty politics and bureaucracy of the board of governors, it would probably give me an aneurysm.

Your OP hasn't angered me - I feel mostly pity. You're green with envy

DandyLioness · 16/12/2010 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

llareggub · 16/12/2010 12:19

If you are so worried about what will happen if you don't find a chair, why don't you step up? You can hardly moan that others won't if you aren't prepared to do it.

Anyhow, you can look outside the school for governors. Look around the community. Is there anyone with the skill-set you are lacking as a governing body?

Niecie · 16/12/2010 12:19

Donningflakjacket - I hate to state the obvious, but if it bothers you that much, you become the chair.

Niecie · 16/12/2010 12:20

Oh cross post with llareggub

Notevenamouse · 16/12/2010 12:20

YABU how do you know what they are doing anyway? Where did you get the 20% figure from? Someone had a massive go at me this year for not "helping enough" at the xmas fair when i "don't work". I bloody well do work.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 16/12/2010 12:22

I've a question, unless I missed something. Why don't you volunteer yourself as chair?
Just nipping out to get me some grapes for my slave to peel although rightly , he should go.