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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think SAHMs at my school don't pull their weight?

257 replies

Donningflakjacket · 16/12/2010 11:40

Our school governing body is struggling to find someone to take over as chair, because we are all working mums or dads who find it hard to find the time to be a governor anyway, never mind the extra responsibilities of chair. There are NO SAHM on the board of governors and no SAHMs have even put themselves forward in the last 3 years - even though about 20% of the school are SAHMs.

Why are none of these people prepared to do their bit to help the school educate their child? They are more than happy to moan when the school doesn't do something well but not prepared to actually take some responsibility.

And also, if you are a SAHM don't talk to me about the pressures of work when you have no idea! And especially don't talk to me about pressure of work and then expect me to run round sorting costumes and presses for a night out.

Ok, rant over. You can throw your biscuits now.

OP posts:
Niecie · 16/12/2010 12:53

The chair doesn't have to be a parent anyway so not sure how that bit is relevant to the overall rant about the make-up of the governing body. Ours is an LEA gov, the one before was a community gov.

Thinking about this dispassionately for a moment, instead of just with increasing irritation with the assumptions the OP is making, the one thing I don't like about being a governor is the 'office' politics. Part of the reason for being a SAHM (a small part admittedly) is that I don't like all the office gossip, he said/she said, jostling for position crap that is office politics. It was a bit of a shock to find that a governing body can be a bit like that, no matter how nice the people are. They don't always get on which is not surprising as you don't get to chose who you govern with. It could put people off.

Also, people generally don't know what governors do so maybe SAHP think that they don't have the skills or the interest in something which is actually quite formally run. It isn't like the PTA where everybody can see what they do. Most of it is behind the scenes.

OP have your governing body thought of approaching anybody to suggest they become a governor. Somebody who obviously has an interested in the school and who helps out a lot perhaps?

comewhinewithme · 16/12/2010 12:55

"These people" Hmm

Hassledge · 16/12/2010 12:59

I'm a Chair who works very PT - DCs at school or beyond. It is a very full on, demanding role - you have to be able to be at school during the day on a regular basis, there are always issues coming up - some immensely stressful (pupil exclusions, complaints against staff etc) and complicated. I was a governor for 4 years before I became Chair and I had no concept of how great the difference is - it's not just a bit more responsibility; it's a hell of a lot more work.

I certainly couldn't do the job effectively if I worked FT, although I know some people manage it. So I don't actually think SAHMs with young pre-school children should even consider the role. They have enough on their plates, and unless their multi-tasking skills are A1 and they have ready childcare, they would struggle to do the job justice.

BeerTricksPotter · 16/12/2010 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingIn · 16/12/2010 13:02

I'm not even going to waste a biscuit on you.

BeerTricksPotter · 16/12/2010 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SweetKate · 16/12/2010 13:03

I am a SAHM but struggle to help out at school because of my 19 month old DD. School won't let me take her in to meetings, most of which happen during the day. I'm a SAHM so my DH can earn a good wage for us - and sadly that means that he works long hours. So, after school meetings are also a no-go as I cannot guarantee that he will get in before 8pm.

As I don't have childcare for my DS then it is all left to me. And sadly, schools are one of the worst at accommodating children. If I could take my DD during the day, or meetings were at a later time at night, I could help out. But sadly, I can't.

Glitterknickaz · 16/12/2010 13:08

You could call me a SAHM if you like, technically I'm a parent carer.

I'm also a Governor.

What of it?

bamboobutton · 16/12/2010 13:09
pagwatch · 16/12/2010 13:13

I have a corporate/financial background and worked for 18 years before becoming a sahm.

I was briefly on a governing body. It was mostly interesting and challenging and all. There was one parent though who was a monstrous pain in the arse, massively patronizing and very chippy about sahms. I remembering her explaining some legal issues to me in tiny ickle words so I would understand until chair had to explain that I had written the document she was trying to dumb down for me.

She also seemed to enjoy complaining about how committed she was compared to everyone else.
She was very tiring and it kind of put me .

I can't think why I remembered her suddenly....

JenaiMarrsTartanFoxCube · 16/12/2010 13:18

To be fair to the OP, she has a point. Lots of perfectly reasonable explanations here as to why more SAHPs don't get involved, but you'd think there'd be one or two more on the Board.

I'm a WOHP - can't work out what SAHPs (the ones without extra stuff on their plate) do all day. But then I was also a SAHP for a while - it seems I've just forgotten. All I can remember is pushing the hoover around and drinking coffee, wandering around shops and going for coffee, going to various groups and drinking coffee, and going to each others' houses (and drinking coffee). I'd have had plenty of time to be a Govenor - but I never did (and now I'm wondering why)

JenaiMarrsTartanFoxCube · 16/12/2010 13:21

x-post with pag, who I think has reminded me.

The type of person who wants to be a govenor is a bit offputting. I doubt I'd be able to live up to their exacting standards. It's a bit like councillors, and politicians generally.

JenaiMarrsTartanFoxCube · 16/12/2010 13:21

Err, not that I'm acusing the OP or pag of being that type Xmas Blush

BreconBeBuggered · 16/12/2010 13:25

'tiny ickle words',pagwatch, brilliant.

I'm a SAHM, and on the PTA, and I'm a parent governor. I can only take on either role within the school because DS1 is in his late teens and can be booked to babysit. If you don't have formal childcare in place already, it can be difficult to commit to meetings, school visits and so on. I didn't particularly want to do it, but couldn't think of a good enough excuse to leave it to somebody else. Pushover, much?

GeeWhizz · 16/12/2010 13:34

So I'm SAHM and chair of govs. I was only a gov for 6 months when the existing chair and vice chair both left. I had no experience of being a chair so was very daunted.

We now have two SAHM (inc me) on our gov body but we have also had 7 new govs and a new clerk over the last year.

It is a big role and not just sitting chairing the meetings.

Oh and not everything happens in school hours anyway so I still need to arrange childcare.

I'm also treasurer of the pta where we only have 3 parents in total. Being a governor is a lot more demanding than being on the PTA.

To be quite honest you would scare me off joining your governing body with your attitude.

Can you also remember that we are all volunteers.

Niecie · 16/12/2010 13:47

Bloody hell GeeWhizz - you are one brave lady! You really have your hands full there, taking on such a big role so soon after joining, so hats off to you.

I hope the Governor services of the LEA have given you lots of support.

foxinsocks · 16/12/2010 13:50

the SAHMs at our school do virtually everything which is lucky really - as since I've been a FT WOHM, I'd rather spend evenings/weekends with my dc so don't volunteer that much tbh. There are a lot of dads involved too. I do think a hell of a lot is to do with attitude (of the school and the other people on the committees).

I'm always eternally grateful that there are SAHMs who have the time to fit things like this in!

GeeWhizz · 16/12/2010 13:52

Now one year into chairing so gaining confidence but governor services are very much on speedial.

Our Ofsted is due any minute now though.

BeerTricksPotter · 16/12/2010 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FingandJeffing · 16/12/2010 14:06

Eh, calm down, load of us WOHM's don't want to be a governor either. Like I said school is a different place these days, they are always asking for help for something so other mums probably feel they give time to the school in different ways and if they don't, so what? Like I said it's voluntary.

NestaFiesta · 16/12/2010 14:34

Jenai "But then I was also a SAHP for a while ... All I can remember is pushing the hoover around and drinking coffee, wandering around shops and going for coffee, going to various groups and drinking coffee, and going to each others' houses (and drinking coffee)."

That's a lot of coffee and gives the impression that SAHMs have time for lots of coffee. We don't. I wish!

OP- I'm a SAHM with one at school and one DS age 1. I also do two work from homes jobs when he's alseep and have no family at all that I can get to babysit. DH is home at variable times and sometimes does overtime too.

Also- as other posters have mentioned, do you think SAHMs have NEVER worked? Do you think we produced kids as we left school and never ventured further? I worked like a dog full time for 18 years before having kids. I've been up all night with them as they are both ill and grumpy. Work was easier. You offend me and your post is obnoxious and ignorant.

Chandon · 16/12/2010 14:44

OP is just so thick, not worthy of an answer

webwiz · 16/12/2010 14:48

I have been on two governing bodies with a complete mix of people - men and women who worked, didn't work, were retired, self employed etc etc Your governing body is obviously failing to attract people to be governors OP and needs to take the blame for that rather than you moaning about SAHMs Hmm

sitdownpleasegeorge · 16/12/2010 14:56

This will be contentious but here goes anyway.

Some of them don't have the confidence to put themselves forward.

Some of them don't have the skills to perform such a post successfully.

Some have already decided that they do not wish to juggle working outside the home and being a mummy/daddy (even with childcare) it is highly possible therefore that they also do not wish to juggle any other commitments outside their home/family in addition to being mummies/daddies.

dockate · 16/12/2010 14:59

It's the same at our school. It's always the same people who put in the effort to help the school (as parent classroom helpers, PTA or governors), and very rarely the SAHMs, even those whose children are all at school leaving them without childcare issues in the day!

I guess it does come down to the maxim that if you want something done, ask a busy person. When I was on maternity leave, I found I could easily waste a whole day doing almost nothing. Now I am back in the workplace, I find I get loads done, and have the best of all worlds, with v. rewarding work, lots of time with DCs, and lots to offer as a governor.