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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that anyone would interpret this to mean start job hunting?

99 replies

absolutedisaster · 14/12/2010 17:42

I work in an office of 17 people, although I keep work/social life separate, I would of said I got on with the people in there, and although not friends as such with them, that there was no problem.

Well how wrong was I!!!

We had our christmas lunch today, one person chose to stay in the office, as she never socialises (maybe I should of taken her lead), and another was on leave.

We went in car convoy to the pub, some were lift sharing others travelling by themselves. We walked in, went to the bar, got drinks took our seats. It was a long table of fourteen, and separately to the side (not adjoined at all) was a table set up for 1. That was where I was to sit.

I have never been so humilitated or embarassed in all my life. What do I do now, I can't work with these people, they obviously detest me.

I heard them saying things about other departments like 'IT don't like x to attend so they just don't invite them', 'Accounts are having a xmas do, but y doesn't know about it as they don't want them going', 'We'll have to do something similar next year.'

WWYD? I'm off for the week now, and am going to see what if anything is out there, but how can I return?

OP posts:

QueenofDreams · 14/12/2010 17:45

katkit · 14/12/2010 17:45

omg!!

flinginghasflung · 14/12/2010 17:46

That sounds horrendous, like school bullies tbh. What is your position in relation to these people? I don't think I'd job hunt just yet if you're good at your job and had no inkling of their silly pettiness. Perhaps find out why the others don't join in!?

Fuchzia · 14/12/2010 17:47

Was this some mistake on the pub's part I find it hard to believe a group of adults would behave in this way. It is serious bullying and requires line management involvement if so. If it wasn't some horrible misunderstanding then it is they who should feel embarrassed and not you.

Original poster

absolutedisaster · 14/12/2010 17:47

I'm middle - 50% above me, 20% same level, 30% below.

OP posts:

HarkTheTragicalyHipHeraldAngel · 14/12/2010 17:47

Was there no way of adjoining your table? Did they not even try?

lifeistooshort · 14/12/2010 17:48

To be honest I don't think you should be embarassed, they should. Such childish/school bullying behaviour is completely unprofessional. However, if you like your job, you shouldn't be driven away by a bunch of immature co-workers!

nameymacnamechanger · 14/12/2010 17:50

That's appalling! I wouldn't have sat down, I feel so angry for you!

raspberryberetbaby · 14/12/2010 17:51

Did you actually stay there for the whole evening ? I would have walked out tbh .

verytellytubby · 14/12/2010 17:51

What a bunch of wankers.

I would have moved the table or told one of them to budge up and put my chair squashed in.

YulenoYurbubson · 14/12/2010 17:51

What did you do? Did you stay?

xstitchsnowscene · 14/12/2010 17:51

You shouldn't be out of a job because of it but I can see why you don't want to work with them again.

Thistledew · 14/12/2010 17:52

Why did you not say something to the waiting staff at the pub to ask them to put the tables together?

I think it very unlikely that all of the other people there colluded to make you feel like an outcast. Even if you find it hard to make friends, you shouldn't assume that everyone else is so unfriendly.

Do you have poor self-esteem issues? Why would you allow yourself to be treated like that? The best thing that you could have done was to ask for the tables to be put together and sit yourself by whoever you think is the most friendly person in the group.

THB they may now be thinking that you are a bit strange for sitting on your own.

petelly · 14/12/2010 17:52

That's bullying. If there's a complaints procedure where you are, I'd raise a grievance. Absolutely unacceptable unprofessional and downright disgusting behaviour.

leeloo1 · 14/12/2010 17:54

:( For you, that sounds so awful. They should be ashamed of themselves.

MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe · 14/12/2010 17:57

That is appalling - your managers allowed that to happen?

llareggub · 14/12/2010 17:59

Surely the tables would have been arranged by the pub? I don't believe that this would have been done by your colleagues unless there is a back story that you haven't shared with us?

AbsofCroissant · 14/12/2010 18:01

You said "that's where I was to sit". Did it have your name on it, or where you unlucky, IYSWIM?

It is quite bad, but if it's option 1 I would take it up with HR/someone senior who wasn't involved, as that is bullying and is totally unacceptable.

GertieWooster · 14/12/2010 18:01

If the staff hadn't colluded Thistledew then why didn't one of them say "oh no, that's not right, absolutedisaster can't sit there, we'll all budge up a bit"

After all a table for 14 can easily become a table for 15.

You poor thing absolute but at least you are in no doubt about the sort of people they are. I would imagine that 1 or 2 are the ring leaders and the rest just follow along for fear of being treated like you were. I hate bullies.

minipen · 14/12/2010 18:02

That is shocking, I'd choke on my food if trying to eat when someone was excluded like that.

needafootmassage · 14/12/2010 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

absolutedisaster · 14/12/2010 18:05

The most senior person there, said that's your seat. And I laughed and said 'oh norma's seat'. Then realised there was not enough seats around the main table, so I went to get a chair, one of the team, said I suppose we could all move up, and the others made comments like 'not enough room', 'i don't want to be squashed','there's table legs in the way'. In the end, I move the table for one to the end of the other table, but due to the way the tables were, I was not part of the group and still separate.

I didn't want to walk out, as I didn't want them to know they had won. So I sat down, ate my starter and main, then said I was going, and the only comment was 'good we get her secret santa present' - but wasn't made to me, was made by someone further down the table.

At that point I left.

OP posts:

winnybella · 14/12/2010 18:07

What a bunch of wankers.

AbsofCroissant · 14/12/2010 18:10

That's horrific.

I would start looking for a new job where you're not going to be treated so badly, but first take it up with HR. It's despicable behaviour and highly unprofessional.

miniwedge · 14/12/2010 18:11

Um, I would actually post this in employment and get some advice as to whether you have a case to go to HR with.
Exclusion is bullying and it needs to be addressed in my opinion.

Poor you, hope you have a better evening. x

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