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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that anyone would interpret this to mean start job hunting?

99 replies

absolutedisaster · 14/12/2010 17:42

I work in an office of 17 people, although I keep work/social life separate, I would of said I got on with the people in there, and although not friends as such with them, that there was no problem.

Well how wrong was I!!!

We had our christmas lunch today, one person chose to stay in the office, as she never socialises (maybe I should of taken her lead), and another was on leave.

We went in car convoy to the pub, some were lift sharing others travelling by themselves. We walked in, went to the bar, got drinks took our seats. It was a long table of fourteen, and separately to the side (not adjoined at all) was a table set up for 1. That was where I was to sit.

I have never been so humilitated or embarassed in all my life. What do I do now, I can't work with these people, they obviously detest me.

I heard them saying things about other departments like 'IT don't like x to attend so they just don't invite them', 'Accounts are having a xmas do, but y doesn't know about it as they don't want them going', 'We'll have to do something similar next year.'

WWYD? I'm off for the week now, and am going to see what if anything is out there, but how can I return?

OP posts:

sethstarkaddersmum · 14/12/2010 18:40

winny - because they know what happened therefore they know it must be her, therefore they can accuse her of bitching about her colleagues behind their backs.

Miggsie · 14/12/2010 18:43

Go to your GP and get signed off tell them this story and have a good cry too,you will get signed off with stress, that was harassment and bullying and also a case for constructive dismissal.

Complain about your manager too, they colluded in this situation.
If you talk to anyone have a dictaphone and record the conversation.

Go straight to HR as well.

Ring the venue and see if you can find out who made that booking and gave instruction for a separate table, and see if the venue will put it in writing so you have hard evidence.

What a bunch of shits.

AbsofCroissant · 14/12/2010 18:44

I wouldn't discuss with your manager at all about going to HR, as it may be that the issue is with them, and the others are following.

I had an incident where my two managers were bullying me - NOBODY else spoke out (as they were afraid of being the next target and had spines of jelly), though later, in confidence, they admitted that what was going on was rather appalling and they felt sorry for me.

Ormirian · 14/12/2010 18:45

What a bunch of bastards!

AnyoneforTurps · 14/12/2010 18:45

then I would send an email to all the 14 people who attended, thanking them for their company at lunch, saying what a good time you had.

Don't do that - it would totally undermine any attempt you then made to get HR to take your grievance seriously.

winnybella · 14/12/2010 18:50

seth- I get that, but since it's an anonymous forum and she doesn't provide any info about the company (name etc) they cannot say that she's bringing the company's name into disrepute iyswim. Even if some nosy fucker does know that it's her.

montysorry · 14/12/2010 18:53

I am appalled for you. and

Even if there was no fesible way of adding the extra one to the table, I cannot believe that nobody would suggest that two of you sat separately. My instinct to be to suggest that everyone budge up and it not possible I would automatically offer to sit with you. I would expect the majority of decent adults to do the same.

sethstarkaddersmum · 14/12/2010 18:54

will pm you later winny.

I know it sounds paranoid but this kind of shit does happen when someone is being bullied and tries to stand up for themselves.
why give them any ammo at all?

AnnieLobeseder · 14/12/2010 18:58

I'm gobsmacked. I have never heard of such infantile, bullying behaviour from adults.

This is the sort of thing my group might do, but purely without malice, as we're all really good mates. Are you sure it wasn't intended as a joke that went horribly wrong? But I guess if you're not actually friends as such, that's not likely.

I'm horrified for you. I would probably never show my face at work again if I were you. You're a stronger person than me.

KenDoddsDadsDogEatsTinsel · 14/12/2010 19:02

Go to HR directly. Don't discuss with any of them.
Good advice about the doctor/ union too. It may seem daunting but they cannot be allowed to treat you like this.

thatsnotmynipple · 14/12/2010 19:04

That nearly made me cry.

Unbelievable.

So sorry op {sad]

RiojaLover75 · 14/12/2010 19:05

absolute that behaviour is disgraceful. See HR about it as that was a Christmas party and as such is an extension of the working day. HR rules apply there too.

Hope you get it sorted

xstitchsnowscene · 14/12/2010 19:07

Seth does have a point sadly. It is always easier for the powers that be to blame the victim of bullying rather than the bullies themselves. Wouldn't want to help them on that one.

SantasENormaSnob · 14/12/2010 19:11

Go to hr.

Take this further.

EatingAngelPie · 14/12/2010 19:15

I don't think any team i worked with would have allowed a single person to sit alone at a works do.

and i have worked with some wankers.

unbelieveable.

although raising it with H|R is appropriate, ultiately, do you realy wnat to carry on working there?

ShoppingDays · 14/12/2010 19:18

That's terrible OP! No-one should be treated like that. Complain to all the higher powers you can find.

raindroprhyme · 14/12/2010 19:21

constructive dismissal???!!!!

KenDoddsDadsDogEatsTinsel · 14/12/2010 19:27

What do you mean raindrop?

molemesses · 14/12/2010 19:28

OMG.

I have typed 4 replies to this so far but I'm just speechless. Thats disgusting behaviour from adults.

geordieminx · 14/12/2010 19:32

That's awful.

You know there is a guy in our office who is a total twat, he's mean, nasty and rude, he is obnoxious every second of every day, one likes him, he knows this.

But you know what ,we are having our Xmas meal tomorrow night and there is no way anyone would even suggest putting him on a table by himself, well we might joke about it, but no one actually would. There is also no way either if our managers would allow it either. It's just not right is it?

It's Xmas, why would you be so fucking mean.

MardyQuickFollowThatStar · 14/12/2010 19:33

Another shocked response. Good on you for being so adult about it at the time OP.

pastyeaterneedsaSilentNight · 14/12/2010 19:34

magicmummy1 · 14/12/2010 19:38

"But you know what ,we are having our Xmas meal tomorrow night and there is no way anyone would even suggest putting him on a table by himself, well we might joke about it, but no one actually would. There is also no way either if our managers would allow it either. It's just not right is it?"

Well, quite. There is a woman in my team who annoys the hell out of everyone, but there is no way that the other staff would attempt to exclude her, and even if they did, I wouldn't allow it. Last year, I ended up sitting next to her, and I expect I will again this year! :)

I am genuinely stunned that this was allowed to happen.

OP, the reason I suggested mentioning it to the senior person first was because our grievance procedures require that you make some attempt to resolve things informally first, and it can count against you if you complain about something without first having tried the informal approach. Having said that, this is such an extreme example of exclusion, I think you'd be quite justified to take it straight to HR, and who could blame you!

NorthernLurker · 14/12/2010 19:40

Take it to HR - however this came about no manager should have allowed it to continue.

MarniesMummy · 14/12/2010 19:45

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