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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that anyone would interpret this to mean start job hunting?

99 replies

absolutedisaster · 14/12/2010 17:42

I work in an office of 17 people, although I keep work/social life separate, I would of said I got on with the people in there, and although not friends as such with them, that there was no problem.

Well how wrong was I!!!

We had our christmas lunch today, one person chose to stay in the office, as she never socialises (maybe I should of taken her lead), and another was on leave.

We went in car convoy to the pub, some were lift sharing others travelling by themselves. We walked in, went to the bar, got drinks took our seats. It was a long table of fourteen, and separately to the side (not adjoined at all) was a table set up for 1. That was where I was to sit.

I have never been so humilitated or embarassed in all my life. What do I do now, I can't work with these people, they obviously detest me.

I heard them saying things about other departments like 'IT don't like x to attend so they just don't invite them', 'Accounts are having a xmas do, but y doesn't know about it as they don't want them going', 'We'll have to do something similar next year.'

WWYD? I'm off for the week now, and am going to see what if anything is out there, but how can I return?

OP posts:

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 14/12/2010 20:34

What disgusting immature people you work for!

So for you

crystalglasses · 14/12/2010 20:51

I agree with AnyoneforTurps. Don't send the email as it will undermine any action further down the line. Unfortunately irony doesn't work in emails.

Reality · 14/12/2010 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BonniePrinceBilly · 14/12/2010 21:14

and your ma's boss actually moved? What a bitch!

Reality · 14/12/2010 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 14/12/2010 21:28

Bloody bloody hell!

That is the worst thing I've ever heard!

I actually gasped out loud and had to go back and read... and I practically LIVE in AIBU..

Don't let them get away with this.

Poor you.

sleepysox · 14/12/2010 21:34

I am so sorry this happened to you. No advice to offer really, except- don't let the bastards get you down.
Let us know how you get on.

Muser · 14/12/2010 21:38

Unbelievable.

fairtradefloozy · 14/12/2010 21:40

OMG, what eejits. Sue the pants off them and run off into the sunset with the huge payout.

In the meantime, ignore them, get on at work, talk to HR or your line manager and use words like harassment and bullying liberally, name the culprits, and register with some employment agencies ....

SleightiesChick · 14/12/2010 21:45

Start looking for another job. Whatever the outcome you're better off out of this place.
I agree with magicmummy1 about raising it with one of the managers before going to HR. I'd suggest going to see the manager who said 'That's your seat', and asking him why he said that. If he says (as I suspect he will) it was a joke, then ask him why he let you continue to sit separately, as if it was intended to be a joke (a very poor one) you would have expected to be 'let in' on the joke and moved to the main table after a very short period. Ask if he has some problem with you or your work. Then go to HR and spill the whole thing to them.
Is there any one person among them who you think might have been at all uncomfortable with it, or who you got on with well before this happened? Get them on their own and ask what the hell happened and why you ended up sitting on your own. They might just admit if anyone was the originator of the idea if you confront them about it privately, especially if they feel ashamed (as indeed they should).
Continue to act professionally and do your job well, BUT stop doing anything extra or friendly at work that'd help any of these people out. I mean things like giving lifts, making cups of coffee for them, asking about their weekends, signing birthday cards or contributing to presents, even volunteering information that you know they need if you don't specifically get asked and it isn't part of your contracted duties. A clear statement has been made. Show them you're not going to be a mug in between this event and you getting the hell out of Dodge.

SlightlyJaded · 14/12/2010 21:47

Nothing constructive to add just another at such bullying from adults and please don't let it go.

It will get you down for a few days I am sure, but try to turn your hurt into determination to deal with it.

You poor thing. I too am for you.

Wankers

AnyoneforTurps · 14/12/2010 21:56

Excellent advice from Sleighties.

QuintessentialShadows · 14/12/2010 21:57

Idiots. Nothing constructive to say. But that is awful behaviour. What utter shits.

wifeofdoom · 14/12/2010 22:02

Didn't want to read and run - sounds horrendous and no-one deserves to be treated like that. Chin up chick - you're better than those people.

atswimtwolengths · 14/12/2010 22:59

I don't think I've ever read anything so horrible.

I would not speak to the manager - that's the person who said that was her seat! Why ask that person why they acted as they did? I'd leave that for HR.

I would sue for constructive dismissal on this. I don't think there's any way you could be expected to work with people after they behaved like that.

I'm almost speechless with shock, to be honest.

Oh just a question, could you speak to the woman who didn't go to the meal? I wonder whether something similar happened to her?

SlartyBartFast · 14/12/2010 23:11

were you told becuase you asked, in which case are you sure it wasnt a JOKE?

i.e if anyone else had asked would they have been told.
it does seem bizarre

BreconBeBuggered · 15/12/2010 00:44

These people are wankers. Be professional, especially if you're looking for a new job with civilised people. But be careful not to be pleasant to a single one of the fuckers.

GreenButton · 15/12/2010 14:12

What a horrid bunch of people - bet it comes from the manager - people playing along in case it is done to them.

...and someone else got your secret santa - I doubt you will be there next year but a turd in a box addressed to the manager.....

Careybliss · 15/12/2010 16:49

Very, very nasty behaviour on their part. I would write a letter and state that you have made a note of the event and that you will continue to document any incidents in the future. I would send a copy to your line manager and the Head of Human Resources stating that you felt humiliated and as a result are feeling very stressed as a result(maybe via a solicitor to get their full attention?). Don't know how this will impact on you but clearly they are very nasty pieces of work.

PeachesandStrawberry · 15/12/2010 16:55

That is so nasty.

lololizzy · 15/12/2010 17:18

horrible , mean people. How childish. And festive spirit???! Life is too short to stay working with such lowlife.

MardyQuickFollowThatStar · 15/12/2010 17:41

How are you today OP?

Arion · 15/12/2010 20:19

To sue for contructive dismissal you need to resign and raise the claim immediately (circumstances at the workplace made it immpossible for you to continue working there). Tribunals look more favourably on claims from people who have tried to resolve issues internally.

You need to raise a grievance with your HR department asap. Office do's are covered by the same codes of conduct as expected in the office so the fact you were effectively bullied / ostracised outside of the workplace is not an issue. You are able to take a colleague or union rep with you, the same as for a disciplinary.

If the outcome is not to your satisfaction you are also entitled to escalate your grievance (if you raise with an advisor you can escalate to a manager or escalate to senior manager).

Hope that helps. If you need more advice let me know, I'll keep an eye on the thread. I'm new on here so not sure if I'm set up for personal messages, will have a look at my settings. Feel free to try and send me a message if you want.

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 16/12/2010 20:51

Is there an news?

I really hope you do something about this OP!

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