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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that anyone would interpret this to mean start job hunting?

99 replies

absolutedisaster · 14/12/2010 17:42

I work in an office of 17 people, although I keep work/social life separate, I would of said I got on with the people in there, and although not friends as such with them, that there was no problem.

Well how wrong was I!!!

We had our christmas lunch today, one person chose to stay in the office, as she never socialises (maybe I should of taken her lead), and another was on leave.

We went in car convoy to the pub, some were lift sharing others travelling by themselves. We walked in, went to the bar, got drinks took our seats. It was a long table of fourteen, and separately to the side (not adjoined at all) was a table set up for 1. That was where I was to sit. Sad

I have never been so humilitated or embarassed in all my life. What do I do now, I can't work with these people, they obviously detest me.

I heard them saying things about other departments like 'IT don't like x to attend so they just don't invite them', 'Accounts are having a xmas do, but y doesn't know about it as they don't want them going', 'We'll have to do something similar next year.'

WWYD? I'm off for the week now, and am going to see what if anything is out there, but how can I return?

OP posts:
taintedsnow · 14/12/2010 18:11

:(

They are awful people, I don't blame you for not wanting to work with them. But I think you shoule raise a grievance with HR about this. They can't be allowed to treat you like that.

You poor thing. I'm very Angry on your behalf right now.

waitwhat · 14/12/2010 18:11

Pack of twats!! Xmas Angry

mamasmissionimpossible · 14/12/2010 18:12

that is very nasty behaviour. I feel :( for you.

classydiva · 14/12/2010 18:13

thats awful, really feel for you.

is it possible you can have a chat with someone about it, human resources? personnel and ask if there is something you should know?

OTTMummA · 14/12/2010 18:13

send them all a xmas present each,, 14 stinking dog turds in a nicely wrapped box.

cunts.

granted · 14/12/2010 18:15

That has to be an accident.

I refuse to believe there are any adults who are really that infantile.

If you genuinely think it was deliberate, then either:

(a) piss them off by staying, and behaving exactly as you did before - their problem, or

(b) sod them and betake yourself to a new job with people over the mental age of 4.

Actually - that's v unfair to 4 year olds - my 4 year old would never behave in such an appalling manner - and if he did, I'd explain in no uncertain terms why that kind of behaviour was totally unacceptable.

Really, really hope that this was an accident/misunderstanding.

Otherwise your colleagues do win the Total Wankers 2010 Award.

Seriously, it's sooo their problem not yours. Shock

magicmummy1 · 14/12/2010 18:16

I am not one to complain to my manager about much, but this is outrageous. And as a manager myself, I can't believe that senior people were there and allowed this to happen - whether deliberate or otherwise. Shock

TheCrackFox · 14/12/2010 18:22

It might be worth posting this in the "Employment section". If you leasve over this incident then it might be construed as constructive dismissal.

Start keeping a diary about how you are being treated.

KenDoddsDadsDogEatsTinsel · 14/12/2010 18:23

That is just horrendous behaviour. I'm really shocked.
Is there anyone you can speak to in HR?

Original poster
absolutedisaster · 14/12/2010 18:24

There is HR department. I think I will have to make an appointment to see them.

OP posts:
FortunateHamster · 14/12/2010 18:25

That sounds horrible and cruel. I can't believe 14 adults would let that happen. All of them just let it go? Fucktards. Please do see HR and let us know what happens.

AbsofCroissant · 14/12/2010 18:26

YY to crackfox.

Make a note of everything that's happened, with dates (it's easy to forget). Have there been other incidents as well, or is this the first?

Overtiredmum · 14/12/2010 18:27

Firstly, I would ring the venue and ask how the booking was made, who made the booking and ask why the tables were set up like that. If they indicate that it was requested, then I would send an email to all the 14 people who attended, thanking them for their company at lunch, saying what a good time you had.

Then I would see HR, advise them of the situation. Not sure whether they can do much as it took place outside of the workplace, but I would definitely want it put on my file. The words "bullying" and "harrassment" scare the hell out of HR!!

Then I would start looking for a new job in the New Year - I wouldn't want to work with anyone who could behave so appallingly.

Hope you're not too upset, you deserve better. Ax

katkit · 14/12/2010 18:28

i think it;s timne toi leave some norovirus laced choccies in the department! it's the least you can do...

FakePlasticTrees · 14/12/2010 18:28

Send an e-mail to HR, asking for an appointment when you are back from your leave, outlining what happened today.

Are you in a union? I'd ask them to come with you to your appointment with HR.

If I was your manager in this situation, i'd either offer to sit on the table alone, or ask the pub to make that a table for 2 and sit with you. Actually, if I was one of your colleages, i'd have done that.

RevoltingPeasant · 14/12/2010 18:30

TBH, it's not even where you were asked (told!) to sit, it's the whole manner of it.

'That's your seat.' Shock

What are you, a primary school pupil being directed by a teacher? That's your seat ?? Because adults can't decide where to sit for themselves?

Had this manager had much to drink by this point?

When you say you thought you got on well with them, now you look back can you see anything else that is odd? Do they tend to exclude the person who stayed at the office?

staranise · 14/12/2010 18:30

I would just get out as soon as you can - small companies are breeding grounds for bullying, exclusion and pack mentality. You only need a couple of mean dominant personalities to swing the whole office against particular people for no reason whatsoever, just because they are bored/cruel.

Work do's do tend to bring out the worst in people so I would try to forget about what happened (and I bet there's no HR department anywya to deal with it) but I would start looking for a new job: life's too short to spend so much time in what sounds like a nasty mean-spirited atmosphere

BonniePrinceBilly · 14/12/2010 18:30

I can believe this, unfortunately, I had the misfortune to work with the nastiest shower of wagons you could ever meet. Except for OP's work collegues, who are even worse.

Make the biggest hugest fuck off stink you can make. If HR don't help you, go further. DO NOT LET THIS GO AND MOVE ON, trust me, you will not shake it off easily and they will be worse to the next poor sap that comes along.

Original poster
absolutedisaster · 14/12/2010 18:31

I've posted in Employment thanks all who suggested.

This is the first incident, no complaints at work either personally or due to my work. All talk to me, there was an evening do a couple of weeks ago I couldn't make it due to previous commitments but was invited along etc.

They were talking to me prior to lunch this morning, and I was not aware of any problem.

I've been there for 10 months. I'm not the newest in the department, 3 started after me, so it wasn't an itiation (sp.)

OP posts:
staranise · 14/12/2010 18:32

Sorry, I now see there is an HR department, in whcih case it's probably worth having a quiet word with them if only to register hwo unacceptable this sort of behaviour is.

sethstarkaddersmum · 14/12/2010 18:32

exactly FakePlasticTrees.

OP, GET THIS THREAD DELETED IMMEDIATELY.

Clearly you have enemies. It is not impossible one of them knows/has worked out that you post on MN and will make a counter-claim against you of unprofessional behaviour/bringing the company into disrepute for talking about it on here.

if you don't look out you will be the one accused of bullying even though this sounds completely absurd.

GroovyGretel · 14/12/2010 18:34

What a bunch of dickwads. I'd look for somewhere else to work so that you get some relief from being in the same room as them. I am astonished that they could consider such behaviour as acceptable.

thebrownstuff · 14/12/2010 18:34

this is indeed outrageous Shock never ever heard anything like it before. You poor thing.

But no...unless you can afford to, don't leave until you've got options. You didn't do anything wrong, you can hold your head up high. If I was you, I would start looking though, this might have been a blessing in disguise.

magicmummy1 · 14/12/2010 18:36

I'm curious as to whether there have been other incidents of behaviour like this too - seems very odd to have it come out of the blue like that.

As FakePlasticTrees has said, if I were the manager in that situation, I would offer to sit at the table alone - I certainly wouldn't direct another member of staff to sit all isolated like that.

To be honest, I think I'd want to approach the senior person directly before talking to HR - I'd tell him that I felt isolated and humiliated when I was made to sit on a separate table, and ask him if there was any reason why he said that it was my seat. But I can understand that some people wouldn't be comfortable about approaching a senior manager in this way.

winnybella · 14/12/2010 18:39

seth- she doesn't give any details about the company or herself- how could they do that?