To resent this ....

[Goldenbear]

I will be spending Christmas with my DP and DS at my mum's house which is 4 1/2 hours away. After staying at my Mums we will be driving back down the country with my Mum to visit DB and his family. It is a 3 1/2 hr drive from my Mum's house so we will all be staying the night. My Dad will also be staying at DB's house although my Mum and Dad are divorced, they are friends and will both often be present for family meals, birthday parties for the grandchildren. Considering the size of the dinner party that night I offered to bring a dessert for 6 adults, happy to ease the pressure on DB and SIl.

Anyway, they have taken this offer to mean I will do any course and I have now been told that I will be buying and cooking the main meal. I am allowed to use their kitchen or they are happy for me to bring something cooked in my mum's kitchen!

I am feeling resentful over this for a few reasons- we are paying a fortune in petrol to visit them, we have a long journey and I will be 30 weeks pregnant by then and will not really fancy going straight to the kitchen to prep the evening meal after traveling 3 and 1/2 hours. Finally, my DB has a very good job, they are very rich, we are not very well off, is it unreasonble to expect to not pay for the petrol to visit and the main evening meal. The last time we visited DB we paid for a restaurant meal for my nephew's birthday and the petrol to get to my DB's for the day, which in total cost us 80 pounds. They never visit us I think because we live in a 2 bedroom flat and because we only have 1 3 year old DS and they have 3 children.

I don't want to ruin my relationship with DB and his family but I am really starting to resent this attitude. Am I being unreasonble?

omg! you are so NOT being unreasonable

how does an offer to bring a dessert equate to bringing a main meal??? the cheek of it!

i would ring and say you're a bit confused... you'd offerd to bring dessert, which you're still happy to do, but unfortunately it will not be possible for you to bring a main meal as well.

they are taking the piss and you are letting them. you paid for a meal for everyone for HIS child's birthday???

tell them, in the politest possible terms, to go fuck themselves - you were going to bring the dessert and now you're not sure you even want to do that for such a bunch of lazy feckers.

Tell them that you won't be doing the main meal due to the pressure of travelling, but would like to bring dessert!

YANBU.

Tell them you're not doing it.

cheeky sods

I am sorry I think there has been a miss understanding, I offered to bring desert.

I am too fat to bend down to cook, it makes me feel sick/dizzy

Sorry can't afford it, will beans on toast do?

The food will go off on the long journey.

Have just noticed you are 30 weeks pg!! YANBU!!!!!

miss understanding? der

"Sorry, you seem to have misunderstood. I offered to bring dessert. Is chocolate pudding ok?".

This is why i love christmasses by ourselves.
Its very cheeky of them to ask people to come to stay as guests then ask them to cook yanbu

YANBU at all.

Rich people are often rich for a reason...

thisisyesterday, I wouldn't want to mislead- for my nephew's birthday meal they paid for the children attending, my DS in my case but the adults had to pay fir themselves. It was only family at the party. However, I do think I have 'mug' written across my forehead!

How on earth are you meant to organise the ingredients for a main meal when you're in transit around the country? Let alone cook it in someone else's kitchen.

If they're hosting, they're hosting. Lovely to offer a pud, but they're taking the mick to expect more.

SAY NO!!!!

The MAIN MEAL. What kind of sick people invite you for dinner and ask you to cook the main meal??!

Freaks.

Tell DP/DH he can cook it himself.

Never have I felt like shouting so loud

YANBU

Go inging "They wanted me to roast a turkey but I said No!no! no!"

Think I should assert myself once and for all I just don't want to upset my mum through disturbing family harmony but some good advice above over how to put it.

Just say, sorry I am still happy to bring a dessert, but due to the travelling, pregnancy & exhaustion it will be impossible for me to bring anything else, and will not be cooking in your kitchen, will need to rest after the journey.

If they insist on a main course, say ok then I'll bring a lasagne (not that much more effort than a dessert) from home, will pop in mum's freezer and then stick in your oven.

Have you tried 'COOK'?

As in the shop...

Your problem now is that you didn't say somehting straight away, it gets much harder after the fact, although you still need to do it now. Practice your answers for next time, it goes something like this.
"I'll bring a dessert for us all"
"great you can cook the main meal"
"No, you misheard me, I'll BRING DESSERT"

I'm sorry db but i cant prepare a full christmas dinner for 6 adults and their children in my condition. I'd love to- but im just not up to it. I know its a hard job, thats why i offered to try and help by sorting the desserts out, but I hadnt realised that you werent going to do the main meal so perhaps its best that me and my family dont come round on chrismas day for dinner, is that okay?

Passive aggressive is the way forward. YANBU. DO NOT COOK AND PAY FOR A FULL MAIN MEAL!

Clam, I wondered this myself, I suppose I could buy things in my mum's town before we drove down but it is quite a big hassle. My SIL said they were 'happy' for me to cook a casserole at my mum's or something that travelled well in her e-mail.

How rude of them, YANBU! Tell them that they misunderstood, you are bringing pudding. Let us know what they say!

aaaghh Have you told them to sod off yet?

Just had to read op again to make sure I read it correctly the first time as it is such an unbelievable cheek. still

I think it has to be a fairly 'posh' casserole as they have quite high expectations!