this thing of dumping babies and toddlers on grandparents for a weekend or a week so the parents can have some 'me' time - is it a new thing?

[myleftcrutch]

I don't remember this happening when I was young (back in the 70s). I do remember staying over with relatives or friends when I was much, much older.

But I don't remember this whole culture of leaving your baby or very yonung child with a grandparent for a weekend so you could go on a raunchy weekend away, or just leaving them overnight so you could have a night out and a lie in in the morning?

Pretty much everyone I know seems to do this - and I know this will get me flamed but it seems to be the PARENTS (note I say parents, not mothers) who work full time and see the least of their children as it is who are desperate to get away from them come the weekend.

What's that all about then, have people always done it, or is it just a sign of how we are as a society these days?

And I should clarify that "me" time doesn't include evenings once they're in bed - I can't bugger off out on the town just because they're in bed. I have to be here incase they need me and as such fully relaxing and enjoying stuff properly is impossible.

I first went away for a night (post-baby) when ds was 6 months old.
We then went away for a week when he was a year old. We do it every year now. The GPs have him, he loves it, they love it - me and the DH get a nice break. They often have him for a couple of days here and there in the school holidays and the odd night over a weekend.

Yes, we are very lucky, I have friends who don't have their parents or family members around them to give them a break - so I offer. Because I know how hard it is to work full time, and parent.

My parents came here from Ireland in the 60s - so didn't have grandparents around - but had lots of aunts and uncles to who we would regularly go and stay with. Then the favour would be returned and my cousins would come and stay with us. As a consequence, our family is very close - we have all grown up together - rather than seeing each other at family gatherings and the like once in a blue moon.

As far as I know - all of us now are well into our 40s, and are happy, healthy and well-rounded individuals.

I love my me time so much - I book odd annual leave days from work when the kids are AT school so I can have a bit of peace and quiet. . I love my children but nothing beats doing your housework, then having a cuppa on the sofa in a quiet house. Well until 3.30pm at least

I don't work

I adore the me time my parents try ahrd to give us. We got an evening last saturday- laughed so ahrd my face went into cramp. Can't remember the last time I hd so much fun.

I spend every second with the boys barring th time the older ones are at school- the youngest has to sleep with us, the autistic older one won;t settle until midnight- there isn;t a minute free often even to get a decent bath. But this year I ahve actually managed to get out and make a few friends courtesy of the me time we have received; my self esteen has rised dramtically, I have the confidence to tackle a few quite major issues in my life and it's going to be much better for the boys too.

Mum oth had zero me time- her MIL died and her own Mum was estranged- and spent most of her child rearing years on anti depressants.

YANBU

When I had my children they cut the umbilical cord.

I took that to mean I didn't have to be permanently attached to my children.

Silly me.

Good for you santas,we have had a wedding invite for June and that will be our first night without the dcs following the birth in jan but i am also seeing Neyo 2 wks after and will be going to Chelt races in March,i had cancer at 26 it taught me to make the most of life,have no guilt at all as the dcs love seeing gps and vice versa.

Laquitar - YES I remember very well reading the CAMEL and MARLBORO and even sniffing the empty packets in fact I even remember when I was about 6 or 7 year old being given a try of a cigarette by an auntie and almost choking on it! I thought it was gross!!!

Last weekend (not yesterday - first weekend in December) was the first time I'd ever gone away on my own overnight since I had children (DS1 was 10 in September). ExH and I had one night away about 8yrs ago (a prize I won) and I've had "child free" weekends since I became a single parent. However I've never been away like that.

I really wish I'd done it before it was even BETTER than weekends away before children - as I had the added bonus of coming back to my DC

Oh and there was KIM too! Do you remember those?

Whitethorn You are so lucky, my DH screams and cries and throws food. Do you think your DH can give mine some lessons...tee hee hee.

As a dumper and past dumpee can I just say how briliant I think ti is?
I loved spending a weekend with the GPs, much more fun than the boring old parents and ensured we had a very close and special relationship.

As a mother of 2 young girls now I can say that a weekend away eery 3/4 months saves my sanity and makes me rememebr why I love my DH so much and yes, I think a strong marriage needs work and that work benefits the DDs in the long run

god I wish i could dump my kids on someone for a weekend

it would be so nice

as for what that might be a sign of, i think it's a sign of me being fed up
as for it being more parents who work full-time, well maybe they are more fed up

I work 4 days a week, have only had one weekend away from dd1 since she was born, none since dd2 was born, and would actually quite like a weekend free from the demands of work, housework and kids

is that so very wrong? I don't think so!

I was regularly sent to my GMs as a child, which suited me just fine because I adored her. We now often leave DD with her GM for the weekend, and can see what a great relationship they are forming as a result.

I think the 'olden-days' that the OP harkens back to were those days when women weren't supposed to have an individual persona, but merely be an extension of hubby and then a breeding machine. So yes, they probably did spend 24/7/52 with their DCs, who then grew up, left home, and left mummy dearest a hollow shell with nothing else to live for, but it didn't really matter because her life expectancy was only 55 anyway.

Women nowadays realise that the DCs will be far more emotionally healthy if they see their mother as a human being with a life that doesn't revolve around them. So leaving your child overnight to have a social life now and then demonstrates this beautifully.

Oh and when we 'dump' DD we get to do all the really naughty (and loud) bedroom stuff that can't be done with her in the house, which equals a healthy relationship, which results in far more chance of us staying together and providing her with a happy home life.

So nur.

I've just come back from a fantastic weekend away with DH while DDs (2 & 4) were at the GPs.....it was brilliant! We also went to New York on our own for 5 nights in May, also while the GPs had the girls.

I don't feel at all guilty, we had a brilliant time!! The rest of the time the kids are with me/DH (I work evening and weekends so with dh then) or preschool - the GPs don't live nearby so they don't just pop in and have them for a couple of hours so I can get mny haircut or whatever -they are with us CONSTANTLY so once every 6 months it's fabulous to let them have some quality time together, while we get some sleep and have a break together on our own! Long may it continue!

DH and I have never had a night away together since we had children. Our eldest is 13. I don't think this is particularly healthy - I would love it if someone offered to have our three for a weekend so we could go away.
Unfortunately, my ILs are now too elderly and frail to cope with our three and my Mum doesn't choose to. I think if grandparents are in a position to have their GC for a weekend it is wonderful for all concerned - my ILs particularly have always been a bit arms length with our DC and the odd weekend alone together would certainly have helped create more of a relationship.
So OP, I think YABU and, dare I say it, perhaps a bit jealous.

I'm a SAHM and my DH gets home at 4 everyday so we see lots of our kids but often recruit both sets of parents to watch the kids for an evening or over night (the latter less often but probably once every 6 weeks or so). We have a wonderful marriage and plan on keeping it that way.
Time alone together is vital and there is no better gift we can give to our kids than parents who are madly in love with each other.

Your poor husband/partner is all I can say.

"there is no better gift we can give to our kids than parents who are madly in love with each other."

I think I've been a bit sick in my mouth. But good luck to you!

In the 70s, people had less disposable income, and it was before the boom in cheap flights. A high proportion of people couldn't afford foreign holidays, let alone weekend breaks. So they wouldn't have asked the GPs.

Also, most families lived much closer together, so the GPs would have seen the kids more regularly. These days, GPs might be further away, and not see the kids so often, so it's nice for them to have quality time together; they probably don't live in the next street any more, get involved in their routines.

The nuclear family is a recent invention; kids used to be raised in an extended family, it's good for them to be used to a bit of independence.

I'm not saying that there aren't some people who are totally selfish: I remember a work colleague years ago who was still bitter about the fact that he had been sent to a boarding school that he hated at eight, and he cried to be allowed to live at home...

It was a school that also accepted day pupils, and it was two miles from his house

lady poor you i wish i could help.My Mum also "chose" not to help out when i was a single parent but she is somehow happy to do it for me and dh grrrr,

otcha you old sceptic

My DSis and I were left with our GPs in Edinburgh for 2 weeks every summer so that my Mum and Dad could go and travel the Highlands and Islands alone. We both looked forward to it from Christmas onwards as we lived so far away from them. That was the 80s.

DSis had PND so DH and I and my parents had DN for a night a week for her when he was 2-3mo, DSis and her DP went to the cinema or out for a meal and then slept until they woke up. It was necessary for her to survive and we loved it.

DS is 15mo. In March DH and I are going away for a weekend for our anniversary, it will be the first time we have left him overnight and you want me to feel guilty about this OP? Fuck that, DH and I are away for 3 nights in which we can eat, sleep, shag and walk around a beautiful city holding hands and snogging without our 3 DDs going 'eeeeeeurgh kissing' :o

YABU and judgey.

My Mum and her partner have DS (3) overnight at least once a fortnight. They look forward to having him, they love it. They think he is a joy to have around. They are very into their garden, chickens, walking the dog and DS loves doing all this stuff with them. I am so grateful that he gets to see them. He was so proud of the veggies that they grew this year and the jams they made together.

DP and I make the most of this time with a special dinner, very occasional night in a hotel, uninterrupted chores, cinema, staying with friends or drinks in the pub We both adore DS and love spending time with him. However, we do love these evenings to ourselves. Afterwards I feel recharged.

DS comes back full of stories of how much fun he has had.

It feels like a win-win situation to me!

"Dumping"? Has it ocurred to you that it might not be "dumping" and that the grandparents and the children might really enjoy spending time together? My parents have just had my one year old for Saturday day and night so that my husband and I could go out and spend some time together (in fact what we were doing on saturday wasn't child-friendly anyway), thus giving us some important time as a couple, and as a result we were desperate to see our daughter and spend some lovely time with her on Sunday, refreshed and perhaps even slightly closer to each other having spent some time alone - surely that benefits her? We also enjoy spending time with our friends in the evenings - we are still people in our own right, not just parents.
we are also going to a wedding in a few weeks and leaving our daughter with our nanny for the day and evening as we think that is better for her than taking her with us - and yes, we will enjoy ourselves more too.
I am a SAHM btw...

Well I fucking hate these kind of posts because they always make me doubt my mothering

I am a SAHM and have little contact/support from my own family. My dh works long hours. I love my dc to bits and spend a lot of time with them (pretty much all day everyday). Yes they go to bed but a lot of that time is taken up doing dishes, ironing, preparing for the next day etc.

So they stay overnight a few times a year at dh parents who are great and have a very close relationship with them. The kids love it as far as I know the gps enjoy it and well dh and I relax for an evening and get a lie in. It does my mental health wonders and recharges my batteries (I suffer from anxiety and mild depression now and then).

But now I feel bad about it, like I am dumping them to be selfish.

roseability you're not being remotely selfish, in fact you are helping to ensure that you provide the best care you can by recognising that you simply can't operate at 100%, if you have to do it 24/7, 365 days and nights a year. You're probably a better parent because you have the occasional break, not despite that.

D

I was born in the 70s and regularly had many over night stays at my GPs at weekends or when my parents when on holidays. I was also discussing this the other day with a friend for whom this was totally normal.

It did me no harm at all and I often look back fondly at the brilliant time I had with my Nana who was an incredibly important person in my life.