this thing of dumping babies and toddlers on grandparents for a weekend or a week so the parents can have some 'me' time - is it a new thing?

[myleftcrutch]

I don't remember this happening when I was young (back in the 70s). I do remember staying over with relatives or friends when I was much, much older.

But I don't remember this whole culture of leaving your baby or very yonung child with a grandparent for a weekend so you could go on a raunchy weekend away, or just leaving them overnight so you could have a night out and a lie in in the morning?

Pretty much everyone I know seems to do this - and I know this will get me flamed but it seems to be the PARENTS (note I say parents, not mothers) who work full time and see the least of their children as it is who are desperate to get away from them come the weekend.

What's that all about then, have people always done it, or is it just a sign of how we are as a society these days?

I first remember staying with my nan for the weekend when I was about 3 and my brother 1 I think. DS is going to be 6 months the first time we dump him with my parents for the weekend.

I'm a child of the 70s, and was sometimes left for weekends with GPs whilst parents went away, occasionally for longer than a weekend. It was great, and led to lovely close relationships with supportive extended family.

I don't think it's a new thing at all. In fact I think it's more of a new thing for this to be considered in any way wrong, selfish, neglectful or whatever. I think the concept of families spending every minute together is newer than the idea of sometimes doing things apart.

My parents didn't go away without us because they needed 'them' time (a concept which is probably relatively new), but because they sometimes wanted to continue activities that were not child-friendly, e.g. weekend sailing, or winter walking with adult friends in Scotland, where you just can't take small children. I think the fact that they continued these things was pretty healthy, and led to an enhanced life for us, in terms of closer relationships with extended family and friends, and the opportunity to join them on these activities when we were old enough, instead of life revolving around 'child' activities like going to softplay centres etc.

D

My parents left me for a week at a time to go on holiday when I was little - both with my grandparents and with my maternal aunt. 1960s. Not a new thing at all.

In the 80s (I wasn't around in the 70s), when I was about 3, my parents drove to my grandparents' house (8 hours away) to drop me and my siblings off for the weekend so they could have a break. That's dedication to child-free time

Anyway, why wouldn't you want to spend time alone with your partner? Your DCs are presumably going to bugger off at some point to start their own lives, so it's nice to stay friends/still get on with the person you're left with.

LMMFAO@auto LOVE IT!!

We've left our DCs with my ma and step-dad a few times to get away, but we've never "dumped" them off. We've discussed our desire to have a mini getaway (or in regards to the last time - come over here to find a house for us to move into before we relocated) and have always said if they have ever felt put upon or didn't feel up to it we'd be perfectly fine with it. And my ma is not one to hold her tongue if she feels she's being put upon.

i can tell you mst firmly that i shant be having any babies over the weekend when i'm a granny

when the kids are about 5 or 6 i might cnsider it.

when my son was born - i was 17, and at home with him all the time.

dh phoned his mum to ask if she would have him overnight whilst we went out

she said " you made your bed you have to lie in it"

It certainly happened in the 70s as you can see from anectodal evidence on here - certainly both me and my DH were "dumped" at our grandparents for weekends/full weeks in the holidays. We actually loved spending time with the grandparents and it's a great part of our childhood memories.

I don't remember how old we were when it started, but I don't think it's that relevant is it?

Like others' said, if you go back a long time then grandparents lived in anyway, and so did several aunties/uncles, so childcare was never a problem then!!!

I don't really see what the problem is tbh, or what the issue you are trying to raise is.

My parents used to leave my sister and me with our granny for weekends all the time. We loved it, she loved it, they got to spend a couple of days sleeping in and being adults. They dumped me with her foro a week to go skiing too, jammy buggars

What is so bad about it? Selfish time doesn't have to be a bad thing.

My mum practically begs to have the dcs and the dcs love their gps. Is it selfish to foster a close relationship by letting them go and stay?

Dh's birthday is in Jan, I'm hoping that my parents are going to come up and babysit so that dh and I can go for a nice meal (our Christmas present to each other) and spend the night in a hotel. Probably just the Premier Inn or something but who cares

'expat making ashtrays Can you imagine that today? I didnt make ashtrays but i was sent to the corner shop to buy fags for relatives and neighboors, part of daily routine'

Mrs Pham, who ran the corner shop, not only knew all us kids but also what brand our parents smoked.

Every payday, my mama would go in with an envelope of cash to settle up their account.

We'd come in and go to the till and she'd hand over a pack of Lucky Strikes (Mama) and a pack of Marlboro Reds (Papa).

So, in addition to being 'dumped' with whatever relative was about, we were exposed to evils like cigarettes and cocktails and also hooned around the neighbourhood completely unsupervised for hours.

It was an appalling way to live :o.

We do this "dumping" of our children once every six weeks-ish.

Nothing to do with my parents enjoying having some extended quality time with the DCs of course. Just that we prefer them (the DCs) in small doses, and we can't have sex while swinging from the chandeliers when they're around.

HTH :)

Have you read the famous five? They were constantly being left with their grumpy uncle, terrified wimpy aunt and gender-confused cousin while their various sets of parents ran around gallavanting.

They never seemed to age either so clearly they were doing this every weekend.

We'd come in and go to the till and she'd hand over a pack of Lucky Strikes (Mama) and a pack of Marlboro Reds (Papa).

LOL expat, it was the same for me, I remember distinctly buying fags for my relatives at the corner shop - what a deprived childhood I lived lol

Myleftcrutch - I think your judgy pants are stuck up your bum crack.

My mum often used to leave with me with her mother, which was fine as I adored her and she adored me. She used to take me away to visit other family for a week or so during the school holidays.

When we visit my mum, not very often as she lives nearly 300 miles away, we don't dump DS on her - she insists on us going out so she can spend some quality time with him. It's a win win situation - DH and I can go off and do non-child friendly things like going to the pictures, DS and his nanny have loads of fun and they love each other just as much as my nanny and me loved each other.

Not read the whole thread but surely the occasional bit of time apart is good for all concerned? LOs get the chance to form strong relationships with GPs/extended family and mum and dad get quality time together to hopefully keep the relationship healthy.

To me that sounds far preferable than a family full of arguements and permanent exhaustion.

And so what if it wasnt't done in the 70s! My parents used to smoke in the car with me and my sister in the 70s - things can change for the better ya know!

expat and emy did you practice reading on the packets? We did that during long boring 'siesta time'. Mum was saying 'oh they are learning foreign languages, they read english' I could spell 'Marlboro' and 'Camel' aged 5. Classy and educated me.

myleftcrutch
Its not at all the same as wanting to have a holiday without your DH (although I should clarify that i am fond of the odd girls weekend without him)

My DH doesnt require constant supervision, sleeps past 7am and is perfectly well behaved in restaurants, shops etc. DD is a different matter so whereas i love spending time with her, the odd weekend without her is good for both of us (and our relationship)

Have a gold medal OP. Well done you

What can I say?

And FWIW, I also think it's good for children to grow up being aware that the whole world doesn't revolve around them, and that Mum & Dad are people in their own right too. I think it helps children to develop into well-rounded considerate adults with an awareness that theirs are not the only needs and desires in the world.

D

Not new at all, we stayed with my aunt and uncle on loads of w/ends from quite small so my parents could go sailing.

I spent weeks at a time at GPs from a very early age along with DB and DSIS.

We loved it.My parents have also has my Dcs for weekends, always happy to have them.

They have also offered to have them at theirs for the whole of summer hols if I want (they live in Spain) but haven't taken them up on this as yet.

Is there someting wrong with this? I thought that was how extended families always worked.

DP's parents used to leave him alone, unsupervised, from the age of 10 so they could go out in the evenings (unless his sister was available to babysit). As a result of this, DP first saw the movie "the Graduate" aged 10, as well as Basic Instinct (his father had heard about it at Cannes festival and didn't quite realise what it was about) and all manner of art movies.

He now has the most "sophisticated" movie tastes ever and point-blank refuses to watch anything main stream. I blame the parents.

'it was an appalling way to live .'

Amazing you're here to tell the tale, really.

we have a little "shin dig" in brighton about twice a yr.We stay in a hotel swing from the celing and go clubbing and for meals.DD1 and soon to be dd2 stay with gps and have a fine old time.We return refreshed with gifts and it reminds us of the fact we are a couple and not jut mum and dad.Having seen what one failed marriage did to my ds's i am determined not to let things go stale as we definatley did in the previous one.

I was about to say that we never used to be "dumped" on family - but thinking back - actually we did. We spent a hell of a lot of time plonked in front of the TV with every sweet thing to eat imaginable at my Aunts house and staying over. I guess my parents were going out somewhere (or just wanted a night in without children) - I was under 5yrs old at the time. Indeed from about 3yrs old it was quite common for me to go out for the morning with my DB (7) down to the beach, or the park, go home for lunch and then repeat in the afternoon until dinner time.

Does being a single parent "dumping" their children on a rather reluctant ex-husband for a jolly away count as being a crap parent too??

I fail to see how letting a child stay away from home maybe 52 nights a year (assuming every single weekend) means that you're not bringing them upyourself.

In the 70's - as someone else has posted people stayed in miserable fucked up marriages much more frequently. They didn't realise the value in staying as individuals - as well as parents - as much as we do (mostly) thankfully realise now.

I need my me time, I'm not just a mother (I love my DS's to bits and would do anything for them) - but I'm still ME. Life doesn't have to stop in it's tracks just because you have a child.