this thing of dumping babies and toddlers on grandparents for a weekend or a week so the parents can have some 'me' time - is it a new thing?

[myleftcrutch]

I don't remember this happening when I was young (back in the 70s). I do remember staying over with relatives or friends when I was much, much older.

But I don't remember this whole culture of leaving your baby or very yonung child with a grandparent for a weekend so you could go on a raunchy weekend away, or just leaving them overnight so you could have a night out and a lie in in the morning?

Pretty much everyone I know seems to do this - and I know this will get me flamed but it seems to be the PARENTS (note I say parents, not mothers) who work full time and see the least of their children as it is who are desperate to get away from them come the weekend.

What's that all about then, have people always done it, or is it just a sign of how we are as a society these days?

"I made the decision to sacrifice my life and evolve around them."
Do you know what, that is not healthy. I doubt they'll thank you for that or have a better life for it.

Imagine "Oh, I'm going on holiday without DH to, you know, get away from him. I must have my me time you see'

erm...well aside from the negative language (again) yes, I do sometimes go on weekend away without DP. Not to 'get away from him' but to enjoy spending some brilliant time with my best friends, who were after all, there before DP was!

Its exactly the same as with DD. i don't leave her with GPs to 'get away from her'. I leave her because I am lucky enough to have a safe loving environment for her to enjoy while I occasionaly put some more effort into some of my other important relationships.

Booandpops...oh I so remember that. My mum says that, in school hols she never saw us except at mealtimes. We left house in morning to play in local woods. Came back for lunch, went back to woods, came home for tea, then back out again. We usually polled back in about 9pm. Makes me laugh noe cos if my 3 went out to play after 10 mins I'd have sent police to look for them....how times change.

Not a new thing.

'going ski-ing as your family holiday and bringing MIL to look after the toddlers all day while you ignore them and ski.'

My parents did this in 1976. It was my first holiday. I expect I had a lovely time with my lovely Granny.

YABU and judgy.

OP - in one sense I see what you mean, so Yanbu...

I &ave an acquaintance who is a professional etc etc, her baby is 11 weeks old, has already been left with gps for numerous nights, and last week she went overseas on a girls weekend, for 4 nights!

In this sense i agree, baby is 11 weeks old ffs, and you need "me" time already, I'm all for me time, but its a poor show if you can't dedicate a tiny bit of time to a newborn

I spent entire summers with my GPs (both sets) was awesome.

How about you give me your telephone number and DS1 can call you and you can explain to him why he shouldn't go to Grandpa and Grandma's this weekend?

I would put my DD and DS to GPs more but I get jealous! Of my mum and what she might be doing with DD and how much fun it would be to do it with her too.
Does that sound odd?
I also feel like I am taking advantage.
Though my mum doesn't ask for DD to stay over and will only do it if my dad is on the correct shift to get up in the morning with her.
Though DD does ask to spend time with her Granny and really wants me to go away, when she is there!

I think I am saying that I see both sides.
I think that is is brilliant that my DD asks to see her Granny and wants me to go away so it is just the two of them.
But that is day time. Overnights are a whole other issue and I am not comfortable with leaving them yet, though my parents would take them if asked, but it always feels like it is a big ask.

PIL however said, very early on, that that was what they expected to happen. That they would get my LOs for a couple of weeks a summer and DH and I could get away.
I had never heard of such a thing. It was definately not the done thing, in my family as I grew up. Perhaps that is why my own mum is reticant (sp?)
But PIL live a couple of hundred miles away and DH and I can't afford holidays so I am not really sure how that would work? Spend a couple of weeks at home without them? That would be a bit odd, no?

This was such a great comment, I thought I'd repeat it. I can only add, that our children were breast-fed by the wet-nurse, before being popped straight into boarding school at 18 months, we still have regular parental contact, but if they come into the grounds outside of summer recess we set the tiger on them.

Well, I can only speak for myself but I hate all 3 of our children with a passion. So does my partner. That's why we both work full time. I've put all 3 in boarding school, including my youngest (15 months), and work 8 days a week but obviously am very stuck when I need me time in the holidays. It's then that I turn to grandparents, aunties, neighbours, second cousins and distant acquaintances for some help.
Add message | Report | Message poster chibi Sun 12-Dec-10 19:19:43

PILs used to go to holiday camps and get pissed enjoy the cabaret act leaving the kids locked in the caravan - apparently a camp worker used to 'patrol' the park and look in the windows to check on the kids left on their own/asleep in said caravans - dh swears this happened - did this happen to anyone else?

Could you imagine Haven/Pontins, etc doing that now!

I sometimes go on weekends away to get away from DH, we also try to spend a bit on one on one with each of the kids for a day every month or so, so we take a kid each and one half of the family goes out while the other stays home.

I love how our family works, we are ALL very content and relaxed and happy.

I treasure my Saturday mornings now as DH takes the boys swimming, I sleep until 10am then roll out of bed for a quiet coffee on the deck reading the papers that they have walked up the shop to get me before leaving for swimming. DH usually has an afternoon nap on Saturdays when the baby does while DS1 and I do something together.

I am pretty sure the kids won't need therapy because of the time they spend with their adoring extended family, but I guess you just never know.

My parents used to go away for a two week 'honeymoon' every year when I was small. My mother was a SAHM and my father worked. They had friends to come and stay with us or we went to stay with friends or grandparents. They went hill walking on their holidays - there is no way we would have wanted to go too! They didn't take us abroad with them when we were young because it was too expensive and they didn't think we would appreciate it.

We left ds for a week with my parents when he had just turned one, and they still talk about it ten years later (they took him birdwatching, visited their friends, stayed in a hotel and generally showed him off). They've always loved to have their grandchildren to stay, and now me and my sister have emigrated miss them hugely. We'll probably start sending our two to visit them for a couple of weeks each summer.

I am leaving my 2 year old daughter with her grandmother for one night for the first time
next week. It's been impossible to do this before now as she was breastfed to sleep, didn't sleep through and generally too attached to me or my father. But now she knows her grandma very well, I feel I can do this for an important childfree event with my best friend. But I'm still nervous. My MIL

Some people rely too much on frequent and free GP care. Yes, I've seen this. All moaning and groaning about how hard things are and you find out they are hungover and having to pick up child from GPs after they'd had them for the umpteenth weekend -- on top of free working-day childcare!

At the other end of the spectrum you get those who eschew all GP care even if offered.

Most occupy the middle ground. It's good to have some time off if it means your children forging stronger relationships with other family members.

But I think it's fair enough to raise your eyebrows at this happening with newborns.

Yes of course, what's the point in having children if you don't want to sepnd 24/7 with them for the next 18+ years?

"my father" - I meant "my husband" Freudian slip or what!

It's simply because people go away more now then they did 30 or 40 years ago.

Flights are cheaper, cars more efficient, and of course we have the euro tunnel. You don't need to go into a travel agents to book a holiday, you can find the best deals and book online.

30 or 40 years ago you got one holiday a year, 1 or 2 weeks away if you were lucky.

It's become far more normal and easy to go away for the weekend, even to far away places, and who can blame parents for wanting to do that.

I love my daughter and went down the AP route, which is hard sometimes.

The fact that I have lain in the dark with one or other boob out repeated times in the night for almost 2 years and resented that at times doesn't mean I don't love her or doubt the path we've chosen.

It helps that I live in a communal building so can have a laugh and few drinks with friends in our flat.

But sometimes with lack of sleep and the 24/7 ness of it, I've wanted to run screaming naked in the night, shouting 'pissholes to everything'.

And I only have one child.

I don't think this makes me a bad mother, or lazy (sadly don't have willing mother to babysit and ILs are far away). It just makes me normal.

I do love these threads
Earlier in the year I dumped my dd aged 2 on various relatives so DH and I could go to NYC for a couple of days - it was amazing, best weekend ever.

You don't remember even back in the 70s? Gah, and here I thought I had a dodgy memory and premature dementia two months before I'm even 40.

I remember the 70s!

And I was 'dumped' with relatives whilst my folks went away.

We loved it!

We were spoilt rotten.

I also remember making ashtrays for my folks in art class and playing cocktail hour.

We all survived!

I'm with the OP. I think anyone who leaves their child with someone else for more than 10 minutes is basically a child abuser and should be killed. And then killed some more.

Then buried, dug up, and killed again.

The bastards.

I was never looked after as a child by anyone other than my dad. Although after 18 years he was very Gray and should have taken the odd weekend off lol.
My lo was looked after on weekends for the first couple of months but I missed him so much I soon put a stop to it. Now I have 'time off' when we visit my in-laws and they have little one overnight in their room so I can get a full nights sleep. This for ME is the perfect middle-ground.

Well I'm a grandma (with two young children also). I was there when he was born. I love having my grandson, and have done so regularly since he was tiny. He's such a happy little boy and I have a really good bond with him. What's wrong with that? I'm his flesh and blood too. Why shouldn't my dd have a bit of time to herself, she's still a person in her own right as well as a parent, and we all need a break sometimes.

So YABU.

nooka 'they didn't think we would appreciate it' They had sense those days, these days parents take 6 month olds babies abroad with them 'because its beneficial and educational to see another culture'

expat making ashtrays Can you imagine that today? I didnt make ashtrays but i was sent to the corner shop to buy fags for relatives and neighboors, part of daily routine

i distinctly remember being dropped off at my aunt and uncle's for the weekend when i was about 5, along with my 2 year old brother so my parents could go away. That was in the mid 80's, so nothing new. There's no medal for never having a bloody break you know!