this thing of dumping babies and toddlers on grandparents for a weekend or a week so the parents can have some 'me' time - is it a new thing?

[myleftcrutch]

I don't remember this happening when I was young (back in the 70s). I do remember staying over with relatives or friends when I was much, much older.

But I don't remember this whole culture of leaving your baby or very yonung child with a grandparent for a weekend so you could go on a raunchy weekend away, or just leaving them overnight so you could have a night out and a lie in in the morning?

Pretty much everyone I know seems to do this - and I know this will get me flamed but it seems to be the PARENTS (note I say parents, not mothers) who work full time and see the least of their children as it is who are desperate to get away from them come the weekend.

What's that all about then, have people always done it, or is it just a sign of how we are as a society these days?

My DS would hit the roof if he didn't get regular nights away with granny and grandad. He probably stays there one or two nights a month, out of his own free choice, and the time alone that we goth get from each other is great.

I'm not going to miss out on him growing up when I see him 24hrs a day the rest of the time.

Wow, talk about emotive words ("dumping").

I'm a stay at home mum - is it alright with you if I have a break every now and again? Not like I spend every day making my son's life as good as possible/getting up with him in the night when he's ill/cooking for him every day/never sleeping past 7am/cleaning the house.

Oh, and God forbid he should spend some time with the grandparents who worship and adore him like he's the first child who ever walked the earth.

Bugger off.

MillyR I am a climber, and have taken DS with me sinse he was 2.5, and while most of the climbing trips I do are suitable for him too (I can always clip him to an anchor to stop him running away while I climb) there are some situations where I wouldn't take him, like sea cliffs you have to abseil down and trad back up, or multipitch climbs, or climbs with a walk-in that is over an hour. The added stress that is involved when taking DS climbing increases the risk of accidents.

I'm all for kids joining in with parents, but I also agree with you, there are some activites that are not suitable for children, and we don't have to give them up just because we are parents.

We are more than just parents. We have a right to persue our own hobbies and interests that have nothing to do with our children.

well said brownbug.

exactly, OMDB. saw plenty of kids at warm sport climbing crags.

but swinging a full rack at Lumpy Ridge?

it's not really a kid place, even most approaches.

I fall between two posts here, half of me thinks there are a load of lazy parents out there who do dump their kids on the grandparents all the time.
On the other hand, even if i wanted to dump my kids my M&D would not play ball- we were very lucky when they looked after them (age 6 & 4)overnight for our 10th wedding anniversary!

chocolatesanta - we must have been well posh as my sister and I had a drink and a packet of crisps each as we were sat out in the car by ourselves.

Ahh the old days. Accidently leaning on the horn only to have Mum or Dad come out and tell us to stop mucking around. Bliss

lol, chocolatesanta and lovelysunbeams - I must have been indulged as my Nan used to sit in the car with me, with my drink and crisps while my Grandad stayed in the pub. I can't imagine sitting in the car, in the midday heat sipping gin making conversation with a child.

too many posters here are getting their knickers in a twist and taking the op's post way out of context

she's talking about the parents we all know who would leave thier kids at the grandparents 7 nights a week if they could get away for it so they could have their precious me time

she's not talking about a nice relationship where gran helps out occassionally and babysits or gets involved, she's taliking about the relationships where, usually the mum, puts her needs ( if thats the correct word...) way above anything else and leaves the kids with gp's all the time, not just for special time with gran but with her getting away from her kids all the time

so all the posters saying oh can't I leave ds/dh with gran for a break once in a while, wind your necks in, the op isn't talking about you for gods sake

Eurgh. I'm all up for "stay at home mums". But don't write a list of what you have to do as if it's "too much". If that's your choice, get on with it...and if it becomes "all too much" that you "need" a break, then don't opt to stay at home looking after children/baking/cleaning and all the other arduous chores you've chosen to take on.

Tut tut, all these kiddies having crisps...talk about indulgence. What my son would give...

'I'm all for kids joining in with parents, but I also agree with you, there are some activites that are not suitable for children, and we don't have to give them up just because we are parents.

'

H has been dping carnival since he was a kid, and our whole social life is built around it; it's very much a community thing. The older ds's started performing at 3 and 4 but now that's not allowed. I tried giving up and had spells where I literally spoke to no adult bar dh and my cm for months on end. I cracked up.

So we asked parents for help; older two come along to most things but not all. My confidence has shot up. Mum sees her grandkids more. Better life for all. Most of the time it's one or two nights a month, but in season tehre's a peak of every night almost for a fortnight and as the boys bage and can do more, the whole thing will rise to where we feel we live there no doubt!

The trick is to ensure that the carers who help know if they say no at any time you will not mid and will just be frateful for the help you have had. I reiterate that regularly to Mum. I goope we can have a few more years yet- ds3 will never take part due to sn but will get tothe stgae wher ehe can be in the same building and there's always someone to keep an eye. DS4 is pushing three and will probably be able to attend shed from about 6, and perform from maybe 8 9my limits).

Whilst there are negs clearly the kids love ity- theya dore their grandparents and as we live a bit away benefit from the time. And Dh adnIa re closer now too. We've fairly become isolated for all sorts of reasons linked to SN and my carer status, but now the boys ahve a community again- one that actively likes them ebing there. In fact i got complaints that I would not take ds3 / ds4 to the Chroistmas gathering this Saturday but there's a pool and it makes me nervous.

I an see a few hurdles coming up for us- ds4 who ahs 2 asd 2 siblings is showing some signs that may indicate a regressive state (autism) coming (or may not) and if I have to go through that yet agin I want it in an environment where there is someone who won;t let me get too caught up, will merrily take the piss out of me and let me get angry if I wish. ilve learned what happens if you step away from RL the ahrd way and it's not nice at all. If the boys didnlt have the Sn we'd probably hire somene, but beciuase of it, it is parents or nowt.

Oh and you lt are posh ebcuase we din;t have a car: Dad would elave us in the pub Landlord's back garden with a can of Quattro or a babycham (I was probably about 7 when the babycham started)

I don't remember ever staying at my grandparents when I was young except New Years Eve when it would be too late for us to go home and my parents didn't drive.

My dds have never stayed out or over at someones house. My mum babysits at our house and I will drop her home if we go for a night out. My PILcan't be arsedcouldn't look after my two but will happily look after their daughters' two at the other end of the county for a weekend!! But to be honest, I wouldn't want them to stay there and I don't think they could handle them (not that they are bad or anything) I wouldn't want them to stay in my mums as she smokes and would do so all over them if I wasn't there. I also have 2 sisters and two brothers who would all chip in if I needed them!

My dh's cousin is 8 months pg at the moment and she is already planning her holiday next year with her b/f while her mum will look after the baby But she is only 20 and I put that down to her immaturity!! She was horrified when I said that we weren't going away on our own for our 40th birthdays next year, but that we were taking the girls with us!

I think its how the parents feel. DH and I wouldn't really go anywhere without the girls as they are part of us too. DH works full time, I work part time, eldest dd is in school and youngest in nursery, so 'family time' is precious.If one of us does have a night or two away, the other one of us is always there. I went away with two friends for a week a couple of years ago before dd2 was born. DH was there for her the whole time and they had a great time together while I was away.

But some people are quite happy to go away without their children and if they have someone to look after them and they are also happy with the arrangement, then fair enough. Its just not for me.

I haven't read this thread and my dc are now 11 and 15 but when I was tiny I spent nearly every weekend with my gp's. My mum divorced when I was a baby and remarried when I was nearly 5. My GP's were fab and a hugely enriching part of my life.

When my dc's were tiny my mum couldn't help because she was looking after my grannie who helped here tremendously when I was little because at a time when it was accepted my mum got pregnant had a shotgun wedding and then got the support she needed from her parents to sort herself out. MIL hadn't had any help and thought as she hadn't had it neither should anyone else .

Both sets of gp's live hundreds of miles away but there were times when I craved help/a break/a rest and got it when dd started school, ie, after eight and a half years.

I hope, when the time comes, if I'm not too old to be of much use, that I will be able to help my dc and offer the odd night off so they can can have some carefree sleep sex and a lie in and just recharge their batteries in the intimacy of togetherness.

we always went to our nan's for a week in the summer in the 70s. i thought that's what nans were for... i have absolutely no idea whether my parents were at home, or on the costa del sol. no idea at all. every year. didn't stop until we were old enough to get shipped off to guide camp for a week.

a proper glass bottle of coca cola is all i need to remember those sultry summer evenings in the pub car park. ahh.

poor op, not having experienced those precious weeks of bonding with no parents to criticise late nights and sunburn.