this thing of dumping babies and toddlers on grandparents for a weekend or a week so the parents can have some 'me' time - is it a new thing?

[myleftcrutch]

I don't remember this happening when I was young (back in the 70s). I do remember staying over with relatives or friends when I was much, much older.

But I don't remember this whole culture of leaving your baby or very yonung child with a grandparent for a weekend so you could go on a raunchy weekend away, or just leaving them overnight so you could have a night out and a lie in in the morning?

Pretty much everyone I know seems to do this - and I know this will get me flamed but it seems to be the PARENTS (note I say parents, not mothers) who work full time and see the least of their children as it is who are desperate to get away from them come the weekend.

What's that all about then, have people always done it, or is it just a sign of how we are as a society these days?

roseability - ignore them - yes I am being "selfish" by leaving my daughter with her grandparents, I know they love having her and she loves being with them but I freely admit that ultimately it is because we need a night off now and again. But being a mother is one of the most selfLESS things you can do I think and so a little bit of selfishness now and again is self preservation! In my opinion anyway. You are NOT any less of a mother because you admit that you need some time to be just you now and again. I think it makes me a better mother as I come back with renewed energy and love for my daughter.

It certainly happened in our family in the 1970s, and no-one batted an eyelid. We were left with grandparents for between 2 weeks and 1 month every year from when my brother was 5 months old (1975) to about high school age, so my parents could go on holiday together. In fact, the grandparents moved in to our house to look after us. Without which my mum is convinced the family would have fallen apart, she and dad were allegedly on the brink of divorce, he was very stressed and not great with small children and she hadn't slept for 5 months. As a result we were, and remain, very close to Grandma. I think it's always been done, but maybe it's more remarked upon now because there's far more judging of people's parenting going on ....

Sounds like you could do with a raunchy weekend away. You seem a bit uptight.

haha at starflower

roseability ignore the OP. You're not selfish at all, and I don't see it as dumping if arranged by mutual consent.

I think spending all your time with your children constantly through choice isn't healthy. We aren't just parents, we're also individuals who need some time to ourselves occasionally.

My DH is often away for months on end, I work part time and I have 3 girls, DD2 has SN and is disabled and so I get very little time 'to myself'. The evenings when they're in bed hardly count as 1, I'm knackered, 2, I can't leave the house so it's not exactly free time and 3, I spend part of each evening doing housework, ironing etc.

DH and I try to arrange a night or two without our girls once or twice a year. I think it is good for our relationship, good for our children and good for my mental health. I don't feel remotely guilty, and neither should you.

I'm a namechanger, by the way. Until the age of 9, I was an only child. I stayed with my beloved grandparents every single weekend without fail. My mother had been left a single parent. She didn't want 'me' time but she did want me to have brilliant familial relationships. Sometimes she'd stay home and have a quiet night, sometimes she'd go out with friends (not wild nights, she's teetotal). Sometimes she'd get bored and join me at my grandparents' house.

My grandparents' house was my haven, my absolute bliss. My grandfather was so full of fun and mischief. My granny is still with us, still one of my closest friends. I grew so very close to them from those weekends. I got them to myself every Saturday and by Sunday, the house would be filled with aunties, uncles, cousins, and my mum would come to collect me. It was just lovely.

I think you are TOTALLY unreasonable to assume the reason for babies and toddlers staying with grandparents. You miss out bonding with grandparents, which was my mum's driving force.

When I was a child in the 70s, me and my sister (and later my little brother as well) used to go and stay with my auntie sometimes when her DH was working nights - she didn't like being on her own).

We'd be picked up from school and taken there, then taken to school the next day. I'm sure it would have been more than one night at a time as shifts tend to go in 'blocks' don't they?
When I look back at this I'm amazed at the level of support my mum had. I don't think she saw it as support, though - she certainly didn't return the favour when my auntie had her own kids later on! And now she does the odd night or two about once a year(although last year we went to the US for four days but that was exceptional).
She does it if asked but because she never actually offers it makes me reluctant iyswim. If I was in the position some posters clearly ate here, with gps champing at the bit to see the grandchildren, you can bet I'd dump and run!

I'm a SAHM and have never left my DD(2yrs) with my parents overnight let alone the whole wknd. Only for a couple of hrs on a saturday night a few times a yr. I enjoy weekends at home with my partner and daughter, not something I need a 'break' from. Plus since neither of us drink, we don't have the urge to get slaughtered every wknd.

When I worked, most of the ladies with children who worked both full-time and part-time would leave their children overnight with their parents at weekends so they get pissed and recover from a hangover the morning after. On nights out, they could put the alcohol away much better than us that were single with no children.

So yeah, the poster is being judgemental but is only stating something which is an everyday occurence in todays selfish society.
And if said parents were going on a weekend of watercolour painting or birdwatching, fair enough but since most of them will spend the wknd getting shitfaced, well not very responsible is it?

My Aunt used to regularly have her grandchildren staying for various amounts of time with her. My best friend when I was little used to spend all the week with her Grandmother (as did her brother), their mother even came over on Saturdays to see her Mum and get her hair done.

By 11 most kids were latch key kids (some before 11). We all walked home from school, crossing busy roads from 5. I babysat my younger cousins for a morning (they were 5/7 and I was 11). People used to leave prams outside shops or coffee shops while they went inside, with the baby in.

really - spending the weekend getting shit faced

I thought most of them went away together to spend the weekend shagging

Not new - I was potty trained by my grandmother whilst my parents were in spain.

"And if said parents were going on a weekend of watercolour painting or birdwatching, fair enough but since most of them will spend the wknd getting shitfaced, well not very responsible is it?"

Why not? If the children are being cared for by someone else it doesn't matter what the parents get up to, does it?

DS stays overnight with my mum about once a month. Truthfully, I think that the people who get the most out of that arrangement are DS and my mum. DS gets spoilt by Granny, who cooks his favourite things and arranges fun activities for him. My mum loves spending time with DS all to herself. My partner and I enjoy the time to ourselves but quite often it ends up being filled with chores that we don't quite get round to when DS is around as we both work.

I quite often have days off work and still send DS to nursery too, as it's the only time I can catch up with chores and paperwork. DP and I have even both taken a day off and gone to Ikea when DS was in nursery. We plan to do it again in the new year too!

Parents don't need to be responsible if someone else is being responsible for them. That's the whole point of finding babysitters - so you can do the things you won't allow your children to watch you do.

IRRESPOSNIBLE would be to not bother getting a babysitter, and staying in and getting shitfaced anyway.

Only read the OP.

I tell you what didn't happen so much in the 1970s. People didn't over-analyse and criticise and judge every fucking decision every other human being made about how to parent their own children.

actually colditz - I think it's just as irresponsible to get a babysitter, go out and get shit faced and then come back and send the babysitter home........

Much more responsible to pack the kids off elsewhere for the night

I spent huge chunks of my childhood with one or the other of my grandparents. Every weekend and holiday for several years in fact.

As did a number of my many, many cousins.

Certainly some of the happiest memories I have.

My DS doesn't stay with anyone and neither do his, many, many, cousins. I think it's a bit sad sometimes that he's unlikely to get to know his extended family in the way I did.

Oh, and I've been on a watercolour weekend...I've never been so pissed in my whole life

I don't think the OP is judgemental at all. I think the phrase 'me time' is new. Well new amongst those of us that are less well off. I was state educated and neither myself or any of my friends ahd parents that went on holiday or away without us.

Rev084 - is there a list of approved activities for those parents who do wish for/need the occasional weekend away? Birdwatching & water-colours clearly OK, but drinking not. Is that just getting sh!t-faced, what about a cheese & wine-tasting evening? What about something like a weekend surfing? Is wholesome outdoor activity, but does it suggest an inappropriate yearning for youth and exuberant fun, which one must no longer indulge (or even admit to having) when one is a parent?

D

'Me time' might be a new concept, but sharing the care of children between family members is as old as humanity itself, not to mention usual practice in very many cultures around the world today.

The OP is being disingenuous (or is very sheltered?) in suggesting that she doesn't understand this.

p.s. I love getting shit-faced occasionally!

Oops, I've done thing, When I became a single parent my mum had my DD for the weekend so I could let go for a bit and forget about my shitty relationship.

I don't feel guilty at all Lol My DD loves it with my mum and family, They spoil her and they love having her, Everyone deserves a break IMO.

Also if I did have a partner I wouldn't say no to a dirty weekend away from the children..

"me time" - isn't new about the less well off and it doesn't have to mean going away.

My parents certainly never went away overnight - they couldn't afford to. But my mum new that the time to herself was important - even if it was just time spent pottering around the house.

Sadly the concept of mothers (in particular) needing me time is only a new idea. In the past they were supposed to be chained to the kitchen sink with a child hanging off each leg at all times and weren't considered to be anything other than mothers and wives.

Thank god for 21st century thinking which realises (mostly) that women with children don't stop being individuals just because they happen to have a child (or 3)

I used to stay at /granny's but not often, once or twice a year. I do find it odd that career driven parents (ie less likely to be able to fit in the most hours) would then stick small children in a holiday club or go without them. DH works very hard and the one thing he wants to do with days off is spend time with his children.

izzy-when i beacame a single or rather "independent" parent my 3 ds's insisted i go out for nights out whilst they watched dd3 as they were so concerned about me looking and feeling shite and recognised as well brought up young men that it would do me good.That alone shows that it doesnt adversly affect dcs.I actually met my now dh during one of these nights out and they were happy about that too.