this thing of dumping babies and toddlers on grandparents for a weekend or a week so the parents can have some 'me' time - is it a new thing?

[myleftcrutch]

I don't remember this happening when I was young (back in the 70s). I do remember staying over with relatives or friends when I was much, much older.

But I don't remember this whole culture of leaving your baby or very yonung child with a grandparent for a weekend so you could go on a raunchy weekend away, or just leaving them overnight so you could have a night out and a lie in in the morning?

Pretty much everyone I know seems to do this - and I know this will get me flamed but it seems to be the PARENTS (note I say parents, not mothers) who work full time and see the least of their children as it is who are desperate to get away from them come the weekend.

What's that all about then, have people always done it, or is it just a sign of how we are as a society these days?

ledkrsbelly - I was just thinking about the DS's reactions to me going out/away.

DS1 always tell me to relax, and put my feet up, and enjoy my time to myself when they go to their dad's. DS1 is only 10 but recognises that I'm a human (most of the time ) and time to do stuff I like doing, and yes some of that is without children, is good for me.

Me and my brother used to spend lots of time with our grandparents and our aunt, who is childless and has always doted on us.
My parents worked full time, and during the long Italian summer holidays we spent long weeks in the countryside or the seaside with the grandparents, rather than staying in sticky hot Milan where my parents were working.

My children love spending time with both sets of grandparents.

nothing to do with being selfish!, i was born in teh early 60s , at about 6 weeks old my wonderful nana realised my mum was at the end of her rope (i hadnt slept for any longer than an hour at a time), took me away for 2 nights and let my parents 're-group' - it was the start of a lovley realtionship for me, my future siblings and my grandparents, we stayed with often (i think my brothers were concieved while my parents were off being 'selfish' somewhere! )

i realised this weekend that my sil is at the end of her rope - we are having her 3 this weekend - i hope she goes out, partys, laughs and maybe even pulls! and then has a lie in! she can do cos she knows the dcs will be safe and cared for! - imo, it does children good to have strong relationships with grandparents/aunts/uncles etc, it helps to reinforce the notion of family, helps to make them feel secure, safe and loved!

My sister is dumping her dd with me this very weekend.

Selfish cow that she is. Her two boys are staying with their grandparents.

She is only 28 weeks pregnant and suffering lack of sleep and horrendous morning sickness. I don't what her problem is. It's not that hard caring for 3 young children whilst being ill.

And the only reason her dd wants to come here is because she is buying an MP3 player with her pocket money and wants me to set it up for her . The cheek of it. As if I don't have better things to do than bond with my niece and spend time helping her.

I'm with you entirely op. Utterly selifsh. What is society coming to when people enjoy spending time with the neices/nephews/grandchildren while helping out their family.

Lol Dooin

We took parents and nephew away this summer camping; not something his aprents would do they went to stay in bulgsria for 3 weeks) and he loved it- and so did we. We don;t live very enar, see maybe 4 times a year, and he bonded so well with my 4 boys.

Dumping my arse, being begged to borrow more like.

Utter nonsense from OP, it has always been this way and is entirely healthy for parents/children to have a break from each other and bond with other family members.
I am pretty sure no child will ever grown up thinking 'I am so glad my parents abandoned any semblance of a social life to devote themselves to me', they will just think you are unhinged!
Some of my happiest memories of childhood are staying with grandparents/aunt/uncle and _shock horror - even being looked after by our cousin's aupair!

OP, you say "Pretty much everyone I know seems to do this". I think they're just winding you up because they don't like you much.

It isn't as much about 'me' time as about 'adult' time, and many activities are not suitable to do as a family. Examples are:

A competitive game of badminton/tennis/football between adults.

Drinking in a pub.

Clubbing.

Climbing and abseiling.

Hillwalking over long distances.

Attending a serious political debate.

Some church services.

Dating a new partner.

Watching a fim at the cinema with an 18 film.

Now, someone on this thread was seriously suggesting that a married person should not want to spend any social time away from their children or partner. That would mean that all of the above activities are not open to them. I think that is ludicrous, and the whole idea that people should have a life before having children and then entirely give up their life for 20 years after children is similarly ludicrous. It essentially removes parents from many normal social spheres of activity. The only place such a claustrophobic family life is going to lead to is the divorce courts.

My mom's sister's son lived with us for years.

His father left his mother and took his huge gambling debt and wayword lifestyle with him. He wound up in prison. My auntie was a single mum working as a flight attendant, and in the country where we lived, welfare really isn't an option.

She had to be away 3-4 days/week. She's already been working for the airline for 20 years when her husband left.

So her son moved in with us when he was 8 until he left for the Army at 18.

He's like the brother we never had and the son my mother longed for, but never had.

She and her sister are so close. She'd stay with us when she wasn't working and then my parents would 'dump' all of us and travel all over the place on her guest passes.

We had fabulous times!

In addition, my mother had exchange students one after the other, so the house was always full.

Can't think of a one exchange student who didn't love staying with us.

In fact, we're still mates with many even after over 20 years.

I don't know about the rest of you, but whenever I have seen films or read books where the mother "sacrifices her life" for her children, it never works out well does it! I'm thinking of all those tales with the clinging MIL from hell .
More seriously, my friend did the whole mummy martyrdom thing, never left them with anyone. The result? A 9yo who screams the house down when she tries to go out for two hours.

My non-religious/non church going parents sent me and my brother to Sunday School every week. We had to walk ourselves there and back. So they could have a lie in and read the papers in peace. Very sensible.

baroq its very healthy for them to see parents as people too,it has made mine well rounded individuals who are also good to their partners.They were very pleased for me to begin dating again in contrast to afew of my friends whos dcs have gone up the wall when they dated anyone.
Everyone parents differently and according to the dcs needs too,for example if i had avery clingy nervous child i would have to reconsider although i would definately be aiming for the day i could leave her and have abit of time to myself.

lol Led - DS1 peers over my shoulder when I'm on a dating website checking out the guys with me making sure I'm choosing interesting ones

MillyR - I wouldn' be too sure about the climbing - my DB took my older DS's climbing in the summer. I went in for the last 1/2hr and watched them with DS3. There were children much younger than mine up there. And one women doing the climginb wall had her tiny baby in the pram next to her DH at the bottom of the tower !!!

Baroq, yes - my children have been climbing, but there are some climbing situations where it would be inappropriate to take a child.

What Milly said.

A little toproping, sure, fine, maybe some bouldering.

Kids don't belong on multi-pitch cracks in the Cairngorms, and some adults actually see trying those as a really good day out, ditto some hillwalks.

Or marathons, triathlons or mountain bike routes.

Some adults pursue such things as goals and derive a lot of spiritual satisfication from such goals.

They don't stop being people in their own right because they have kids.

I was a child of the 70s too and spent every weekend with my Grandparents and when they weren't available (rarely) I went to other relatives, even on school nights it my parents were out. My parents worked full time and also did their own thing. I also went on a weeks holiday each year with both sets of Grandparents.

I agree having extended family look after children is very usual. It's the one thing I miss living abroad. I think everybody wins, I loved being with my Grandparents, they obviously loved having me(us) around and my parents no doubt enjoyed doing their own thing.

Well I for one can't wait to dump my two off ay my parents next May while me & DH bugger off to New York for a week.

If it makes you feel any better, my DS (5) can't wait. He keeps asking how many sleeps until he goes to live with nanny and Grandad!!!!

I have all my family round me and my parents look after our daughter most weeks. She also spends loads of time with my brother who picks her up and takes her out to play with her and take her places. We all go on family holidays and my parents go off and take her for a bit sometimes.

Personally I love being in one big family and her growing up surrounded by so many family members who love her. I was brought up like that and think its the best.

Thsi is true MilyR and Expat

I sort of get what the op means but only because I'm jealous because we never had any of that kind of family support!

I was dumped and loved it, Baroque :o. Have lived with dumpees, too. Nothing we liked more than a giant, permanent sleepover.

If it were up to DD1, we'd live on a compound with both sides of the family around.

I'd not object, because then I could dump them at every opportunity and swan off for some 'me' time :o.

Jealous much?

MillyR you forgot to add: 'Be able to have mad passionate sex with abandon and without interruption' to your list

Ah, I've remembered that neither set of my grandparents left their babies with their own parents when they were tiny.

They left them with their live-in servants instead; oh, and they left the baby with down syndrome at an institution. Gosh, wasn't life fantastic in those days when there were higher moral standards and nobody was selfish? Of course if the live-in servants had attempted to have babies and leave them with my grandparents, there might have been a few problems, but that's high moral standards for you.

Definitely 'a sign of how we are as a society these days.'

Unlike the 70's when we were just left home alone, or sat in the car in the pub carpark for hours at a time with a bottle of coke and a bag of crisps (not each mind, one between 2 of us).

What's your problem op?

my dad was left for 3 months with his grandmother when my grandad remarried whiolst they 'settled' into their new house and went on honeymoon.