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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

this thing of dumping babies and toddlers on grandparents for a weekend or a week so the parents can have some 'me' time - is it a new thing?

291 replies

myleftcrutch · 12/12/2010 19:12

I don't remember this happening when I was young (back in the 70s). I do remember staying over with relatives or friends when I was much, much older.

But I don't remember this whole culture of leaving your baby or very yonung child with a grandparent for a weekend so you could go on a raunchy weekend away, or just leaving them overnight so you could have a night out and a lie in in the morning?

Pretty much everyone I know seems to do this - and I know this will get me flamed but it seems to be the PARENTS (note I say parents, not mothers) who work full time and see the least of their children as it is who are desperate to get away from them come the weekend.

What's that all about then, have people always done it, or is it just a sign of how we are as a society these days?

OP posts:
MumNWLondon · 12/12/2010 19:49

My parents left us probably about once a year in 1970s and 1980s to go on holiday. Far more than we have left our DC - probably because I do work (3 days a week) and so I want to spend all my annual leave with my DC.

LifeForRent · 12/12/2010 19:50

or
D Gambling is for fools.

lovelyopaque · 12/12/2010 19:50

Several points here. Firstly I don't know who you mix with, but I know no one who does this on a regular basis and not at all until children are about three. Even then it might be for one weekend a year, so hardly qualifies for "what is the point in having them blah blah blah". Secondly, of course it might seem to be working parents, because actually, the majority of parents now work. Thirdly, many GP want to babysit and spend time alone with GC. I know my parents do, and I have always said no, because I felt guilty, which is stupid. My DC are now begging me to be allowed to go to GP overnight. Finally, many people used to see far less of their DC than they do now for example, the children who were sent to boarding school while parents worked overseas, or those raised by nannies. Most children now see a great deal of their parents and are encouraged to be child-centred. Too much of that, and too much preciousness may well result in self centred children and miserable parents.

oneortwo · 12/12/2010 19:50

no grandparents are not free childcare, but my mum would PAY me to let her have my DS, she absolutely loves having him and is fantastic with him

(and no I don't take the pi$$ and take advantage of that)

funtimewincies · 12/12/2010 19:51

I could have put money on that being the case lifeforrent Xmas Grin!

funtimewincies · 12/12/2010 19:52

oneortwo - hotel babysitter! Don't you know that you're not allowed to even THINK of going to something where the children aren't invited Xmas Shock Xmas Grin?

lovelyopaque · 12/12/2010 19:54

Lifeforrent, 10 months isn't a great deal of time to have needed a break tbh. If you have three DC and your eldest is 7 or so, you might need a break or more likely, time to reconnect with DH/DP, a bit more.

oneortwo · 12/12/2010 19:57

yes lifeforrent I hadn't been away without DS at 10 months nor had any desire to.

What is wrong with a couple working on their marraige anyway as a couple and not just mum and dad? if my parents had done more of that my upbringing may have been different (in a good way)

LifeForRent · 12/12/2010 19:58

I doubt that. He may only be coming on 1, but the first 4 months were the hardest. THe rest has been a joy and I shan't miss out on him growing up for "alone time" if I wanted "alone time" I wouldn't have gotten married or had kids.

lal123 · 12/12/2010 19:58

we got "dumped" at our grans in the 70's, or more likely left at home under strict instructions not to answer the phone and if someone came to the door to tell them Mum had popped to the shops and then phone her at work to tell her,

mumbar · 12/12/2010 19:59

regular Hmm.

Yes it happens as parents as are people too. Life doesn't stop because you have children. You share your life with them not give them it.

FWIW I rarely ever leave DS 6 for the night, but have left him for 3 days with family, whilst I went to London with a friend for my 30th. And by day 2 we missed the kids drastically. Blush.

Never left him before 2yo but that was becuase I lived abroad and ex-MIL and his father are selfish refused point blank.

OP simply do not do it if you don not like it.

END OF.

oneortwo · 12/12/2010 20:01

so an odd weekend away = missing out on them growing up?

I know they grow up fast but I think its unlikely that a babbling crawler will be speaking in sentances and riding a bike without stabilizers if you pick them up at dinner time on sundayy after leaving them at lunch time on saturday Grin

Original poster
myleftcrutch · 12/12/2010 20:01

lal123 you got left alone in the house as babies and toddlers and told not to answer the door?

OP posts:
LifeForRent · 12/12/2010 20:03

If it suits you to leave with your children with whoever then that's fine. I choose to stay at home and take care of them. I made the decision to sacrifice my life and evolve around them. I'm happy with my decision, in that becoming a parent I take care of my child. Your decision is quite obviously, your choice.

lovelyopaque · 12/12/2010 20:05

I don't leave mine either lifeforrent, and that is after many more years, but I totally see why some people need to. And no, I think there may come a time when you feel more in need of a break. Toddlers are not easy! Nor are two or more. And really, one or two weekends hardly counts as "missing them growing up". I feel uneasy at the idea of DC who will not be left with anyone other than parents.

funtimewincies · 12/12/2010 20:06

It does suit, and it makes me feel so much better that I have your blessing lifeforrent Xmas Grin.

Original poster
myleftcrutch · 12/12/2010 20:06

Well, this was fun Grin

Killed half an hour while I waited for dinner to cook and now it's ready I'm off to watch x factor final on skyplus.

Enjoy!

OP posts:
DuelingFanio · 12/12/2010 20:07

YAAAWWWWN

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 12/12/2010 20:08

Not a new thing and not sure why you are so bothered about other people doing it, and no I have never.

MamaVoo · 12/12/2010 20:08

Haven't read the tread but wanted to point out that I'm a SAHM and love to have a bit of overnight childcare now and again. If the grandparents are happy and the children are well taken care of then it's really nobody's business.

And I'm a child of the 70's and distinctly remember being left for a weekend with my grandparents when I was quite small. I imagine it did my parent's the world of good.

lovelyopaque · 12/12/2010 20:09

Yes Mama, it probably did you good too. Who wants a clingy child?

SparklyJules · 12/12/2010 20:10

Not read this whole thread, just wanted to respond to the OP and say that I don't think it is a new thing. Myself, my brother and my 2 cousins (70s kids) used to go and visit our gran every year for a whole week - I can still remember the excitement on all our parent's faces when they dropped us off!

LifeForRent · 12/12/2010 20:11

Good I'm glad you feel better. Now I'm off to harrass bless some other people with my opinion.

oneortwo · 12/12/2010 20:13

"If it suits you to leave with your children with whoever then that's fin"

grand parent's arent "whoever"
we're not talking about kids being left like paddington bear with a note saying "please can someone mind me till sunday"

I think if a child is the only main focus of an adult's life its a hell of a lot of pressure for them (the child). Much healthier for mum and dad to have other fulfilling relationships with other adults too. If that takes a bit of work and the odd night away then fine

EatingAngelPie · 12/12/2010 20:14

it isn't a new thing. My mums parents spent entire summers at relatives houses, and in turn had my mums cousin live with them, it was normal for children to be farmed out....