To have really laid into this woman today?

[Avoidingargosthischristmas]

Out shopping with dc today, in a shop when my kids disappear round the end of the aisle, I follow them within seconds only to hear someone shouting "be careful you rude, horrible little girl!" at my 4 year old dd, apparently she had pushed past this woman while trying to catch her brother. I said to the woman "are you talking to my daughter, because if you are how dare you speak to her like that, she is only four years old!". She replied "old enough to know not to push then". I then said "would you have spoken to her like that if you had seen an adult with her close by? Go on do it again, speak to my four year old daughter like that again right in front of me". She didn't.

Now just to give all the info, my ds has autism and my dd also shows some traits and we are starting the assessment process for her, I told the woman this and she just shrugged but did not say anything else.

Autistic or not though surely it is not acceptable to speak to a small child in this way? It all went quiet and everyone was looking at us but I don't regret speaking up, just felt so angry and upset for dd having that said to her.

I am remembering how protective and touchy I was about ASD and my kids throughout diagnostic process.

OP if you need a chat come onto SN. I am not saying you reacted well- but that that was then, move on and let's see how we can help now.

I am with pagwatch. She talks sense.

OP - the woman was beastly, however 'laying into her' is equally horrible.

Quite astounded aty some of the other posters 'YANBU for standing up for your daughter'.

What, standing there being cobnfrontational in a supermarket?

I don't think so.

I think it does wonders for children to - once in a long while - be bawled out by strangers. If you hadn't shouted back at the woman, your dd might have learned an important lesson - don't run around a shop and bump into old ladies.

Yes, being confrontational in a supermarket. There is nothing dignified about letting people stamp all over you and your children.

Quite.

Standing up for one's children would involve doing something positive. We all do it.

What was achieved by shouting at a perfect stranger in front of the children?
OP might have enjoyed the frisson of her bad mannners, but absolutely nothing was achieved for her daughter.

yabu
as ds always says a supermarket is not a playground.

Well of course one doesn't let another person 'stamp' over you...but it's quite easy tio avoid.

It's called walking away.

Well nothing would have been achieved for her to stand there all gormless and "dignified" either. What about the child? She did nothing wrong, was name called by a bullying adult and then her own mum won't defend her? That's not nice is it?

YABU How do you know she didn't hurt the lady, maybe she was recovering from an operation and you dd jolted the trolley into her scar.
you are being very precious.If anyone needed ripping into it was your brat DD.At the very least you shoukld have apologised to the poor woman and tried to get your dd to do so too.
If you carry on like this you are storing up a lot of trouble for yourself .At the very least you need to grow up and realise that the rest of the won't view your dds bad behaviour in the indulgent way you do (even if you suspect she might have some autistic traits).

If someone called you lot horrible etc would you stick up for yourselves or apologise? If you trod on someones toe for example, and got roared at?

The child did do someting wrong.
She accidentally bumped the lady.

If I accidentally bump your car will that be okay?

Surely you are not so ill mannered as to nit see that if you bump someone you apologise?

And the alternative is not to look gormless.

But actually, I am heartened that the overhwelming majority of posters think public confrontation is wrong. It makes me hopeful that we are bringing up a generation of well mannered kids.

The point i was trying make was, its easy for us to kick of when someone wrongs our child most of us have either been tempted to do it or have, but witnessing it the other day made me just feel so sorry for the child, they were terrified. not really fair for them is it? but wasnt there with argos so really dont want to comment on what happened to her, just a comment in general, for the child!

panto yelling at someone with asd traits achieves absolutely zero and calling someone a brat for behaving as autistic chidlren often do makes you IMO look pretty harsh and uncomprehending.

Big agreement with thsoe that say walk; I often do a quiet 'I am sorry, he's autistic' but trying to manage 2 small chidlren with asd oir traits of in any situation is hard, far ahrder than managing NT chidlren (and I have 2 ASd and 2 not), and frankly a lot would be achieved by helping OP to find solutions to the issue rather than being downright nasty.

Op- have you thought about internet shopping? personally I find it a lifesaver with the boys. I do make trips to teh supermarkets- they have to adapt- but try not to alone, always dh there. Even then it's hard so my only criticism of you is the reaction, though I suspect I understand it. Not the child's behaviour. Expecting an asd child to beahve in an NT manner quite completely defies the whole point of what autism is.

Maybe the child would have apologised if she wasn't shouted at in such an appalling manner. How horrible

I agree.

No wonder your kids don't know it's wrong to charge about in a shop shoving people out of the way if this is the way you handle things when a stranger tells them off for it!

a woman once had a go at me in the supermarket, just because I told her dd to stop staring at my dd(sn and in a wheelchair) her excuse fo her child's brattish behavior was"only she is only little"!!!
perhaps if the mother had actually kept her child with her(mum was in another aisle) she might have noticed said child's following us around staring.

But it wasn't an accident like standing on someone's toe was it.She went tearing round a blind corner, which at 4 she should know is dangerous to both herself and others.

Me?

Oh but they do. now. After many years of working on it. They're just not that little any more.

And I have a sneaky suspicion I understand the sensory inpacts of a supremarket on ASd better than many (Pag and the SN crowd ehre excepted) tbh. What with the MA in autism and all.

Kids with asd do not respond generally to shouting; tehir systems shut down and they close off. They don't hear a word of it. then they quite oftren develop phobias of the environment or go into a metldown which is far worse on everyone there- and unmanageable by the ASSD child by definition.

there are plenty of ways of managing ASD behaviour: yelling ain't one.

she said 'be careful you rude horrible little girl'
Hardly laying into her

Where does it say my kids were running and "tearing round blind corners"? Read the thread fgs. See what I mean about assumptions and judgement? Ridiculous responses based on events that DID NOT HAPPEN!