To have really laid into this woman today?

[Avoidingargosthischristmas]

Out shopping with dc today, in a shop when my kids disappear round the end of the aisle, I follow them within seconds only to hear someone shouting "be careful you rude, horrible little girl!" at my 4 year old dd, apparently she had pushed past this woman while trying to catch her brother. I said to the woman "are you talking to my daughter, because if you are how dare you speak to her like that, she is only four years old!". She replied "old enough to know not to push then". I then said "would you have spoken to her like that if you had seen an adult with her close by? Go on do it again, speak to my four year old daughter like that again right in front of me". She didn't.

Now just to give all the info, my ds has autism and my dd also shows some traits and we are starting the assessment process for her, I told the woman this and she just shrugged but did not say anything else.

Autistic or not though surely it is not acceptable to speak to a small child in this way? It all went quiet and everyone was looking at us but I don't regret speaking up, just felt so angry and upset for dd having that said to her.

yanbu,

out of interest when you asked her to repeat it, what would have you done if she had repeated it?

How can she call security when she roared at a child? Why shouldn't she be bullied if she wants to bully small children? I don't get it

I'm amazed spikey that you & creatingargothischtristmas seem to think one form of uncalled for behaviour warrants and justifies another!!

Well it does. It's called sticking up for your children like you're supposed to.
Leaving the thread again.

also called starting a fight!

santa i think you make some excellent points, of course, but re the adrenaline the OP posted after 11pm, so the shopping trip was well and truly over by then.

tbh i still don't understand the reason for the post, other than bragging about having intimidated an elder...

will you lot stop posting? i've been trying to read this thread and when i started it ws only 6 pages....

the last three times i've gone on to the next page to find another one - and now I've run out of tea!

tsk<

anything worth saying has already been said. my kid could have done the same thing, but i would have apologised and then slagged the woman off later in adult language, you know, like polite people do....

Or finishing it. Which is why the bully wouldn't repeat what she said. Funny how she backed down when confronted with someone her own size! Typical!

larajade, the woman was in her 30's. not old.

"Go on do it again, speak to my four year old daughter like that again right in front of me"

Only in Jeremy Kyle world and Shameless can this be veiwed as justfiable 'mama bear proetcting her cubs'.

(over & out)

I'd rather be a Jeremy Kyler than someone who is frightened of bullies to the point they let their children be bullied. Inexcusable

booyoo, i don't think the OP said any more than she was 'youngish', did she?

The OP hasn't said anything about how her DD felt.It's all about how SHE feels.

I find many of the posts on this thread astonishing.
I understand that many parents of dc with sn feel that the only way to manage shopping etc is without the DC there. But really is this what should be happening in a civalised society??? Disabled people/children should be hidden??!!! How can it be a good state of affairs when parents with DC with sn feel that this is teh only way that they can tolerably manage. Says a lot I think.
OP I applaud you. I only wish I had the guts to respond to such people with such applomb.
Eveyone else - glad you are so perfect and have things in such apple pie order.

A perfectly simple 'please do not speak to my daughter like that' and a withering look would have been a lot more effective than 'go on then, speak to her like that again'

spikey, the OP would have beeing doing her child a far bigger favour by showing her to react calmly to abuse rather than retaliate.

OP entirely with you, bit shocked by what some people are saying.

Had a child pushed me I would have just ignored it (although had they pushed my child I would have said "hey be careful" or "that's not nice" and left it at that). Personally I don't think autism is relevant, it was a grumpy adult thinking they could get away with it, you read the situation correctly.

If an adult pushed past me, I wouldn't start saying "you horrible person" unless I was prepared to accept the consequences.

Turn this around, if an adult pushed you, either by accident or design, and you said "you rude horrible person" what do you think would then happen?

If you pushed past someone, accidently or because you were in a rush and were thoughtless, if they then starting shouting "you rude and horrible person" what would you do?

The woman who was pushed over-reacted because she thought she could get away with it, frankly I think she was lucky the OP was a reasonable person.

sorry, i thought she said somewhere she was in her 30's or 30ish, not sure which. i could be wrong.

Aitch wrt adrenaline I emant at the time of the incident

PersonallY i;d love teh chance to make OP a coffee and have a chat; I just get the feeling that she needs some support, as does everyone around the time of diagnosis IMO.
If anyone ever wins the lottery funding for my 'supprt around dx for asd' charity woudl be welcome, I have business plans and all

Seriously I am the very opposite of aggressive but can imagine a time where I might have reacted very defensively in this sort of situation; maybe not squaring up (I;ve been threatened by someone becuase of my kid''s asd so would never want anyone to feel that scared becuase of me) but certainly react outside my normal range.

ASd is relevant insome ways- not the the ol lady who ahd no way of knowing; but to our understanding of why chidl was bolting, and why Mum may have reacted that way absolutely.

"The woman who was pushed over-reacted because she thought she could get away with it"

and OP over reacted because she knew she could rely on fear to get the woman to shut up and satisfy her own opinion that her DD couldn't possible be wrong.

spikey, the child had already been shouted at, that deed was done. it is up to the parent to manage what is left of the situation, and to model good conflict resolution to their child.
saying 'i am sorry my child bumped into you but there is really no need for such aggression on your part' or similar does stick up for your child at the same time as not providing the woman with further ammunition regarding the lack of manners in your family, don't you see? you are out-playing her if you respond calmly, because she has already demonstrated that she cannot control her temper.

that said, of course we all lose our rags sometimes, and these things cannot sometimes be helped. but still thinking you did the right thing hours and days afterwards, such that you start a post looking for applause and cannot take on board that your behaviour was unreasonable, well that is more of a worry imo.

Booyhohoho - you also have demonstrate to your kids that it's OK to defend yourself when needs must. It's not always appropriate in life to walk away - dignified - that doesn't stops bullies.

A little boy jumped off a wall and landed on my foot in waitrose car park last summer.

He made me jump and I said 'oi, watch it' quite loudly.

His mother gave me a horrified look, though whether that is to with me saying something to her son, or that fact I used the word Oi in waitrose and was therefore an oik, I don't know.

I am totally in agreement with the Op that a tranger should NOT have said such a nasty thing to her child. But squaring up to her was ill advised.