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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Clothes as a present for children

180 replies

mamatomany · 07/12/2010 18:05

I've asked my mum to take back the clothes she has bought for my children for their only Christmas presents from her. She can't apparently has lost the receipts. Unlikely.
Bit of background, the grandparents on both sides rarely see the children.
MIL sees them the most, takes them shopping for clothes and puts money in their accounts for Christmas. Their Grandfathers do not buy them anything at all.
My mother sees them a couple of times a year and last time, took them all into Matalan and kitted them out, well to say it's not my taste is an understatement all thin leggings and tatty looking tshirts, sparkly things that fell apart after one wash, you get the picture.
So she's done it again for Christmas, all they have to open is clothes :(
I now feel under massive pressure to spend money I haven't really got making up for the fact that they as little children are getting what other kids would just assume appears in their wardrobes.
How many times does somebody need to be told to stop buying tat. I've half a mind to refuse to take it home from her house and let her keep it there for when they visit. How hard is it to buy toys, she is buying what she enjoys buying.

OP posts:
ShanahansRevenge · 07/12/2010 20:31

The thing is Mamatomany...my DC aren't getting big piles either...and certainly nothing they're "desperate for"

They just can't have it all..no DS Lite...no Laptop...they have some nice things..but not loads.

My Mum is getting them the usual things she gets...whatever she can find that's been marked down..usually slightly odd things.

Mil will no doubt send ludicrously expensive gold jewellry which they never wear...I could do with the cash and they'd rather a Wii or something. But I would never, ever ask or expect. My MIL LIKES buying that gold crap...in her mind she is building my DCs a good jewellry box when they are older...and my Mum...well she has a budget.

YABU.

tomhardyismydh · 07/12/2010 20:31

Glad its found its way back, mils fanjo that is, if not you could always rock up christmas morning with that and slapp it on the buffet table. I hear fanjos look alot like those mini beef yorkshires from icelands.

Gogopops · 07/12/2010 20:31

Clothes are much more practical. I consider a lot of the toys that kids get to be tat. They don't play with the majority of them anyway and they just clutter up the house.

YABU.

KnittingisbetterthanTherapy · 07/12/2010 20:32

" they will look at me like what's this "

Wow, you really have brought your children up with delightful manners haven't you? Hmm

defineme · 07/12/2010 20:32

mamatomany

You are conveying an absolutely terrible impression of yourself as a materialistic snob.

However, I think (and hope) that the clothes are not the problem. The problem is that your mum does not visit you, does not seem interested when you visit her and seems to reject you and your children.

That must be heart breaking and I understand that this bravado and belligerence is a response to the very primal hurt that you feel.

Parents don't always love us and take an interest in us, but I think it's a reasonable expectation.

If I'm way off the mark and you're just an ungracious twat then sorry, but I suspect you're not.

BarbieLovesKen · 07/12/2010 20:36

Didnt read all, can only presume that the OP is just joking - surely no one could possibly be this spoilt, ungrateful, rude and self centered.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 07/12/2010 20:36

I agree with what define says.

Sort the real problems out. If your mum makes you feel unloved, starting threads that make people call you names is hardly going to help is it?

LadyBiscuit · 07/12/2010 20:37

If you don't like her and don't respect her, then why on earth are you expecting her to make up your children's perceived shortfall in presents? Your expectations are horribly skewed. Sounds like you should either be on the toxic parent thread or that you are totally spoiled

ShanahansRevenge · 07/12/2010 20:44

Look....just WARN the DCs. "Nanny will give you horrid clothes...say thank you even though they're crap."

Then everyone will be happy.

Hmm
Original poster
mamatomany · 07/12/2010 20:45

Funnily enough I wasn't expecting the name calling and this is what she has done today to piss me off so I was/am letting off steam.
Some people can see why this as a stand alone latest stunt is fcking annoying.

OP posts:
pastyeater · 07/12/2010 20:46

I agree with what define and mrsdevere are saying. You are not being unreasonable about to complain about your Mother. The original post could have done with a bit more background info.

Original poster
mamatomany · 07/12/2010 20:49

If I wrote out the background everytime she pissed me off, I'd never be off this board tbh. Considering I see so little of her she manages to wind me up spectacularly when she does, the mini her clothes just being the latest.

OP posts:
porkchops · 07/12/2010 21:00

YABU and sound a bit controlling. Be grateful for what you get, you can't dictate it.

makemineamojito · 07/12/2010 21:02

This isn't about the clothes at all, is it. That's just a red herring. It's about wishing your mother was the kind of mother who was an interested grandmother, saw them frequently and had their wellbeing at heart, and it sounds like for you she isn't that person at all. I think those problems can't be put right just by her giving them what you see as the 'right' Christmas present. Even if she gave them the toys you wanted, you'd still have masses of issues with her, so if I were you I'd get the presents into perspective, let your children open them and react in whatever way they naturally react (love them or hate them) and concentrate on bringing up your children the way you want to. Christmas is only one day.

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 07/12/2010 21:12

Does no-one remember the crippling disappointment of being, ooh, 7 or 8, and getting clothes for Christmas? Seriously?

And yeah, you say thank you, cause you're polite, but you don't mean it...

Besom · 07/12/2010 21:15

I remember being very excited about a pink velour jumper at that age Heathen! I'm absolutely not making that up. It was the best thing ever and my mum didn't really approve.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 07/12/2010 21:19

I do - because we didn't get much through the year, Christmas was one time when I would hope and pray I'd not get clothes. I used to have a great aunt that sent Ds and I rain mates (remember them?!) at Christmas, and we'd have to dutifully write thank you letters every year. Why did she bother, I wonder? What on earth made her think that 2 small girls would want rain mates...Confused

Grateful? You must be joking...! But she got the thank you letters, so she was none the wiser

PlentyOfParsnips · 07/12/2010 21:24

This is turning out to be a lot more complex than what your mum is getting your DCs for christmas, isn't it? I don't know the background but I'm wondering if part of the problem is your feelings about your mum's sexuality and the way she's expressing it. She's wearing inappropriate 'sexy' clothes which her BF appreciates but which you think make her look like mutton and if she buys your DCs clothes which remind you of this, well, that must be hard.

I've never met anyone who can comfortably think of their parents as sexual. I think we're just not wired up to be able to deal with thinking about that too much. I know it's hard, but I think you need to try and separate your feelings about this from your mum's relationship with your DCs and what she wants to buy them - it really is up to her what she chooses as presents. They may love having a glamorous granny and she may feel sorry for them having to have dull tasteful clothes all the time.

Every year, I end up with piles of toiletries which I never use - they go straight to the charity shop. If somebody bothers to ask, I always say please, no toiletries, but I always show gratitude on the day when I unwrap the inevitable bath smellies. Somebody has gone out and chosen that gift for me and it would be cruel to ruin the pleasure they have had choosing it. I do think it's an important lesson in manners to teach your children to be polite, even if they hate their present. Christmas is stressful enough, especially if you are not on the best of terms with family members. How much effort would it really be to just grit your teeth, smile and say thankyou?

clumsymumsnowdriftbaby · 07/12/2010 21:32

yaNbu...i know the feeling

thatsnotmymonkey · 07/12/2010 21:47

In bold just for you OP-

If the tags are still on you can take the stuff back and get store credit. As you are clearly so motivated by money I am sure you will have the balls to ask another customer to swap your store credit for cold hard cash. Then you can go an buy some charming middle class wooden toys

pigletmania · 07/12/2010 22:02

YABVU, I would rather my dd 3.9 be bought clothes, more practical, get good use out of them than toys which she has so much of anyway. Whats wrong with Matalan! Ive never had a problem with the cheaper shops, same quality as Next or Debenhams imo they are just more expensive. At least if the clothes fall apart and they are cheap then its better than paying a lot of money for them.

For the record I have bought dd clothes from ASDA, Matalan, H&M and the clothes have never fallen apart, might look a bit tired after about 6 months, continous wash and wearing, but hey ho she has grown out of them and they need to be given away anyway.

LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 07/12/2010 22:17

"They need winter clothes from September onwards, what does she think they wear for three months"

Wel if it's from Matalan, perhaps best it is given at christmas... 3m ought to be the most it lasts... Grin

Seriously, some items Matalan, Tesco, Asda, Primark etc are fine.... but some - especially for girls is O M G! Ugly and just bleugh!

We ALL know that.

mamatomany, sounds like this issue is a symptom and not a cause. You have bigger issues in your relationship with your Mum than clothes.

Use the leggings under things, use it as craft clothes and the really hideous tops, if you can take them back to matalan and exchange them for anything of any remote use, fine, if not, then charity shop for them.

You are somehow relying on a woman that can only be relied upon to upset you and let you down.

If you know this, then plan around it and isolate the problem. Stop looking to your mother to live up to your hopes, she is not going to start doing that.

The annoyance you feel is due to your unrealistic expectations of her. Accept this and learn from it and it'll get easier.

Housewife2010 · 07/12/2010 22:25

I hate leggings. Revolting & chavvy. I'd never dress my daughter in them. She wears nice Boden cords.

SpotSplatterSplash · 07/12/2010 22:28

Grin I can only assume you are taking the piss Housewife?

catsinthejinglebelfry · 07/12/2010 22:34

DS asked for an iphone for xmas. He is 8. He knows the answer. He followed it up quickly with "or a pair of slippers". Clothes won't be disappointing, the more unsuitable the better as far as DC are concerned. CBA to read all of this so probly have missed something along the way.