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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Clothes as a present for children

180 replies

mamatomany · 07/12/2010 18:05

I've asked my mum to take back the clothes she has bought for my children for their only Christmas presents from her. She can't apparently has lost the receipts. Unlikely.
Bit of background, the grandparents on both sides rarely see the children.
MIL sees them the most, takes them shopping for clothes and puts money in their accounts for Christmas. Their Grandfathers do not buy them anything at all.
My mother sees them a couple of times a year and last time, took them all into Matalan and kitted them out, well to say it's not my taste is an understatement all thin leggings and tatty looking tshirts, sparkly things that fell apart after one wash, you get the picture.
So she's done it again for Christmas, all they have to open is clothes :(
I now feel under massive pressure to spend money I haven't really got making up for the fact that they as little children are getting what other kids would just assume appears in their wardrobes.
How many times does somebody need to be told to stop buying tat. I've half a mind to refuse to take it home from her house and let her keep it there for when they visit. How hard is it to buy toys, she is buying what she enjoys buying.

OP posts:
bigchris · 07/12/2010 18:25

It's just you who'll be disappointed though
you can't take away the clothes
it's btw the grandparent and the child
it's not upto you to decide what they do and don't like
they'll remember 'oh when I was young my gran bought be clothes and my mum gave them away to charity'
it's stuff like that that kids remember I know

AllGoodNamesGone · 07/12/2010 18:25

I would just let her buy what she wants and don't feel you buy extra to make up for it.

I had some pretty terrible presents sometimes when I was growing up and was never particuarly upset about it. One auntie's terrible offerings became a bit of a standing joke and still are! I never felt hard done by if I got clothes - even if I thought they were hideous.

(As an adult I get quite upset about the amount of money wasted on shite presents when people are starving but that's different!)

Lots of toys look nice on the day but end up unloved in a corner cluttering up your house within a very short space of time.

Let her buy what she wants. Kids might be thrilled.

waitwhat · 07/12/2010 18:26

YABU
I prefer clothes to toys as they get so much plastic crap from other

My MIL buys my 8yr old boy clothes that he cant stand every year.He smiles,puts them on, thanks her profusely and gives her kisses..Both you and your kids need to learn its the thought that counts.

KnittingisbetterthanTherapy · 07/12/2010 18:26

Shock Shock

The sense of entitlement is unbelievable!

You should be (and teach your children to be) grateful for any presents received Shock.

If your mum asks for advice then offer it, if not, you smile and say thank you very much.

What happened to basic manners Sad.

Weemee · 07/12/2010 18:27

Am wondering if this is a wind up??Xmas Hmm Some of your replies are incredible!!! So ungrateful and rude. I hope it is a wind up.

BikeRunSki · 07/12/2010 18:27

My nephew once told me that clothes are a rubbish present, because his mum would make sure he had clothes anyway. He's got a point. He was about 6 or 7. Girls might be different.

verytellytubby · 07/12/2010 18:28

I disagree. I love clothes as presents. Our house is full of plastic crap.

snugglepops · 07/12/2010 18:28

We get totally inappropriate toys for our 1 year old - extremely complicated lego sets, books meant for 10 year olds that are NOT christmas classics, inappropriate clothing - try winter clothing that the one year old will never fit as it is for 6 month olds and was given to our off the scales baby at a year. How about a ken (as in ken and barbie) doll? Oh and add in some age inappropriate scary toys such as spiders and scary slime?

2 small and shiney glass spikey dangerous christmas decorations are the Christmas present - that they want our one year old to open?

I would not mind Matalan - I get lots of outdoor wear stuff from there and I do not find it tatty?

However, what we do is accept it - remove any choking like hazards while they are there and then put it all in the loft.

They are barking - thankfully they do not live in the same country.

They keep asking if they can take our one year old to Disney Land just by themselves, not with us.

saffy85 · 07/12/2010 18:28

YABU- don't they travel 200 miles to primarily see their granny? Hmm not open presents. The presents should be seen as a bonus. Get in early next year. Give grannies a few ideas in their price ranges of things your DC would like. I got DP to do this with inlaws back in October. Nothing specific just no clothes as DD has tonnes and no oversized plastic tat as we will be moving soon and having another baby next summer so could do without it.

Having said that, while I love DD getting clothes from her grandma for christmas/birthdays would much prefer if she just gave her MandS vouchers for christmas rather than buying the most hideous stuff in the shop so I then have to go change it. it's usually too small as well.

snugglepops · 07/12/2010 18:29

Just wondering if the tags are left on then why couldn't you exchange them at Matalan?

ShanahansRevenge · 07/12/2010 18:30

Why are you relying on your Mum to provide their pesents? Don't you get them any?

KnittingisbetterthanTherapy · 07/12/2010 18:30

If my boys said that to me I would tell them to be grateful they got presents. I would not accept my kids telling me presents were 'rubbish'. End of.

PeeringIntoAFestiveVoid · 07/12/2010 18:30

YABU. Your mum obviously sent you to the matalan school of manners. Xmas Hmm

Original poster
mamatomany · 07/12/2010 18:31

because his mum would make sure he had clothes anyway. He's got a point. He was about 6 or 7. Girls might be different.

Exactly
Girls aren't different.

OP posts:
ShanahansRevenge · 07/12/2010 18:32

Oh and my MIL buys my kids tat all the time...they usually love them. never buy them that sparkly crap...so they can rely on MIL to ge something naff and in their eyes gorgeous.

MIL is also known to provide awful gold jewellry to 2 nd 3 year olds.

Chathappy · 07/12/2010 18:32

Personally i think the amount of toys my 3dc receive at Christmas is a waste! Sometimes it's just plain ridiculous and most of it ends up in the bottom of a toy box just taking up even more space - then the boys just go back to playing with little metal cars after a couple of days.

I'm very grateful when anyone buys them clothes, it's actually something useful.

You do sound a tad ungrateful from your op - you shouldn't really dictate to anyone what they should/shouldn't buy. And, anyway, are presents all that Christmas is about?

nevercansaygoodbye · 07/12/2010 18:32

she is buying what she enjoys buying

well isn't that the point? You sound spoiled and I hope you don't bring your kids up with the values you are spouting here. Get over yourself, they are only presents, big deal.

KnittingisbetterthanTherapy · 07/12/2010 18:33

It's rude. He's being rude. Anyone who tells someone to take back their crappy present is rude.

Moan in private, smile and say thank you in public. And that includes not telling your kids you think it's crappy.

DanJARMouse · 07/12/2010 18:34

I am shocked by this!

I actually ask relatives to buy clothes as it bloody expensive to kit out 3 kids!

This year my kids have had mainly clothes from relatives for their birthdays, new PJs for Christmas from my Aunty, and a few clothing items from my brother and SIL.

You sounds so precious in your posts! Toys are down to me to buy!

ShanahansRevenge · 07/12/2010 18:36

I m really interested to know...why are you relying on your Mum to provide Christmas Presents for your kids?

You say that now you will have to hell out to "make up" for them not having anything decent...have you not got them toys?

StrawberryTot · 07/12/2010 18:37

mamatomany with the states my 2 get in to and the turn around of clothes they go through more then one is more than welcome, however there is charity shops/ friends/ family if i need to offload some bits and bobs.

Dexterrocks · 07/12/2010 18:45

YABU
Children shouldn't just have clothes magically appear in their wardrobes. They need to understand that these things cost money and are to be appreciated.
There is also no rule that children have to receive toys for Christmas.
Furthermore you do not have to compensate for the gifts given by others.
Surely the children are not travelling just to receive gifts? Surely they are looking forward to a rare visit with family?
Christmas is not about children gathering as many toys as possible and they will be in serious trouble in adult life if you raise them just to want stuff.

taintedsnow · 07/12/2010 18:54

OMG. YABVU. Frankly you sound rude and quite ungrateful.

Clothes as a present are wonderful and you are just being precious over the type.

I hope your DCs are more appreciate for gifts than you are.

zukiecat · 07/12/2010 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mamatomany · 07/12/2010 18:56

I didn't say/suggest I was relying on her to buy toys but since nobody else buys for them, their other grandparents don't bother it is all falling to DH and I. Of course we will buy what we know they like and they won't know any different, but since I won't let them out the house in Matalans finest it's a waste.

OP posts: