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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Clothes as a present for children

180 replies

mamatomany · 07/12/2010 18:05

I've asked my mum to take back the clothes she has bought for my children for their only Christmas presents from her. She can't apparently has lost the receipts. Unlikely.
Bit of background, the grandparents on both sides rarely see the children.
MIL sees them the most, takes them shopping for clothes and puts money in their accounts for Christmas. Their Grandfathers do not buy them anything at all.
My mother sees them a couple of times a year and last time, took them all into Matalan and kitted them out, well to say it's not my taste is an understatement all thin leggings and tatty looking tshirts, sparkly things that fell apart after one wash, you get the picture.
So she's done it again for Christmas, all they have to open is clothes :(
I now feel under massive pressure to spend money I haven't really got making up for the fact that they as little children are getting what other kids would just assume appears in their wardrobes.
How many times does somebody need to be told to stop buying tat. I've half a mind to refuse to take it home from her house and let her keep it there for when they visit. How hard is it to buy toys, she is buying what she enjoys buying.

OP posts:
Tolalola · 07/12/2010 18:59

YABU

This type of ungratefulness shows a total lack of even the most basic good manners, and you are risking your children growing up with a massive sense of entitlement.

Please don't teach them rubbish like this.

PlentyOfParsnips · 07/12/2010 18:59

YABVU

My mum buys clothes for my DCs every year (well, vouchers now they're older) and I'm very grateful. I only ever buy things I enjoy buying, for everybody.

monkeyflippers · 07/12/2010 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

PlentyOfParsnips · 07/12/2010 19:02

'I won't let them out the house in Matalans finest'
Xmas Biscuit

LadyBiscuit · 07/12/2010 19:02

What's wrong with Matalan? Confused

If your MIL puts money in their accounts, can't you use that to buy them toys?

I think YABU and rude

magicmummy1 · 07/12/2010 19:04

"I didn't say/suggest I was relying on her to buy toys but since nobody else buys for them, their other grandparents don't bother it is all falling to DH and I."

They're your children. Why shouldn't it fall to you? Confused

You have no right to tell your mother what to buy for her grandchildren - with an attitude like yours, you should be bloody grateful that she buys them any presents at all. I so hope that you're not passing on your snobbish, ungrateful attitude to your kids. :(

taintedsnow · 07/12/2010 19:05

A consensus on a thread and still the OP doesn't accept it. How different. Hmm

Seriously, just stop being a precious princess and let your darlings wear the clothes. Just because it comes from Matalan doesn't make it crap. You are being incredibly awful about your mum and frankly I feel sorry for her and the children.

asdx2 · 07/12/2010 19:07

I think you are BVU.Dh and I buy what dd wants in toys, presents bought by relatives and friends are their choice and appreciated.Dd would love to have a granny buy her sparkly clothes because she has a very restrained mother Blush Maybe your dc think the same.

Besom · 07/12/2010 19:11

You haven't seen the clothes yet. Might be more to your taste than last year?

zukiecat · 07/12/2010 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emy72 · 07/12/2010 19:13

I must say, my MIL only ever buys my kids clothes as she loves going round the shops hunting a bargain. Sometimes they are not to my taste/the wrong size and if she can she will take them back, but most of the time I just accept gratefully.

I did ask her not to get too much for the older two as now that they are in school uniforms (and they don't get changed at the end of the day when they come home), plus doing sports on Saturdays so in tracksuits, they only really get to wear their clothes at parties/Sundays/etc etc so it's a bit of a waste to have a cupboard full.

However, I have to admit that all my children love clothes too so there isn't an issue with their grandparents buying them clothes per se.

MumInBeds · 07/12/2010 19:13

"since I won't let them out the house in Matalans finest it's a waste." - and that's your problem right there.

Original poster
mamatomany · 07/12/2010 19:14

zukiecat pm me your address and i'll post them to you.

OP posts:
ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 07/12/2010 19:16

Yabu, and a spoilt brat.

chocolatepuff · 07/12/2010 19:21

YANBU, seems a little ill-considered on her part...
sorry if im repeating whats already been discussed, havent read all posts -
but is your mum is a tight spot with cash too? if she likes buying clothes then its her way of showing love and pleasure to her gc's isnt it?

Original poster
mamatomany · 07/12/2010 19:24

She is in a tight spot financially which again just makes it all the more galling that she is buying this rubbish when there's a) other stuff they need/would like and b) she knows I won't put them in it, she knows the last offerings were outgrown and put in the charity bag, so why do it again that's what I cannot understand.

OP posts:
Firawla · 07/12/2010 19:24

yabu! coming across v rude and ungrateful
"i wont let them out the house in matalan's finest" - stuck up or what!
if your dc are disappointed with the presents maybe its your attitude rubbing off on them, whereas if you showed a bit of enthusiasm and encouraged manners they may be more happy with it iyswim. they should't really think clothes just appear in the wardrobe, as thats taking for granted, whats wrong with showing a bit of appreciation.
yes, you may prefer them to receive toys, so if you get the chance then let your mum know politely for future, give hints etc but telling her to take back her crap presents and displaying this attitude is really rude and nasty

chocolatepuff · 07/12/2010 19:24

also.. for someone with not much cash to splash on toys you sound a bit snobby about matalan -its not that bad! (and not all thin leggings and sparkly tat tops-i hate that too)

forehead · 07/12/2010 19:25

OP, you obviously have ishooooooos wyh you mother.

forehead · 07/12/2010 19:26

with

luckykitty · 07/12/2010 19:26

Your kiddies are lucky to have any kind of grandparent who buys them anything - surely some little ones have no grandparents... Hmm

FreudianSlippery · 07/12/2010 19:30

YABU and spoilt.

Wow. And the crazy thing is that I've seen many threads lately where people are saying they wish their rellies would buy clothes instead of toys because toys are actually useful!

I admit I'm very lucky that my parents ask what we'd like for our DCs presents, but my mum always gets other random things throughout the year - and even when it's the occasional flop I still smile gratefully and accept it. Just because she's my mum doesn't mean I can be rude FFS.

Xmas Biscuit (just trying it out)

Original poster
mamatomany · 07/12/2010 19:30

for someone with not much cash to splash on toys you sound a bit snobby about matalan -its not that bad! (and not all thin leggings and sparkly tat tops-i hate that too)

I value quality over quantity, it's not that she's spent £20 and I wish she'd spent £50, I'd have rather had a pair of tights they need than the shite they are no doubt getting and it will be leggings and sparkly tops because that's what she wears, she tries to dress them as mini mutton dressed as lambs, only they are lambs, it's so wrong.

OP posts:
chocolatepuff · 07/12/2010 19:30

could you sit down and have a conversation with her about it? not being/seeming in the least ungrateful -explain that its lovely how she wants to buy them as much as she can with the money she has, but that the stuff she gets isnt really your/the kids style, and doesnt last very long, and for the same money or less she could get things that last longer and will be used more.. she probably doesnt know about the new toys, gadgets, and things there are for kids hey.
if you cant be honest and open with your mum then who can you be with!

PlentyOfParsnips · 07/12/2010 19:31

I don't think Matalan is rubbish. Granted, I never find any women's clothes I like there, but DP wears head-to-foot matalan most days of the week and I can't wait for DS to get bored of his fluffy checked shirts so I can have them. When my DCs were little, anything that didn't come from the charity shop was posh. Have you ever considered that you might be a tiny bit spoilt?

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