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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Clothes as a present for children

180 replies

mamatomany · 07/12/2010 18:05

I've asked my mum to take back the clothes she has bought for my children for their only Christmas presents from her. She can't apparently has lost the receipts. Unlikely.
Bit of background, the grandparents on both sides rarely see the children.
MIL sees them the most, takes them shopping for clothes and puts money in their accounts for Christmas. Their Grandfathers do not buy them anything at all.
My mother sees them a couple of times a year and last time, took them all into Matalan and kitted them out, well to say it's not my taste is an understatement all thin leggings and tatty looking tshirts, sparkly things that fell apart after one wash, you get the picture.
So she's done it again for Christmas, all they have to open is clothes :(
I now feel under massive pressure to spend money I haven't really got making up for the fact that they as little children are getting what other kids would just assume appears in their wardrobes.
How many times does somebody need to be told to stop buying tat. I've half a mind to refuse to take it home from her house and let her keep it there for when they visit. How hard is it to buy toys, she is buying what she enjoys buying.

OP posts:
bb99 · 07/12/2010 19:59

My kids get underclothes and socks/tights from Father Xmas, to keep them going for the whole year. They also get toothbrushes, paste and other toiletries...

I like getting clothes for the dcs from others - often relatives get things I wouldn't get myself and they're usually new, so I don't feel guilty that they're not reduced/end of lines/second hand/bought with nectar or boots points...Blush

If she likes getting them clothes and you're concerned about her taste, could you direct her to the things the dcs need / you like or go shopping with them for the clothes with lots of 'mmmm, this one's nice'?

I think it's difficult to dictate what presents you want unless you're asked - I'm usually just pathetically grateful if relatives get the dcs something and I know my ma is a bit offended atm with one of her realtives as she's been asked to send cash for Xmas for the kids and she loves getting them something - doing all the shopping and choosing and stuff.

I can understand that you are annoyed with the GPs levels of interest and may feel that this is another example of not investing much time in the grandkiddies.

The dcs won't care what they get - they're probably just excited to have another present to unwrap!

Original poster
mamatomany · 07/12/2010 19:59

I'm not projecting it's me that's embarrassed they won't care in the slightest expect that they aren't getting a present from their gran, which is a shame.

OP posts:
ItalianLady · 07/12/2010 20:00

"it all falls to dh and I"

Er, well yes, you are the parents Hmm.

You know what, my nana bought my dd some clothes that were not my taste at all but I thanked her genuinely and sent photos of her wearing them. I would give anything for her to be here to buy my children "tat" Angry.

YABU and ungrateful.

Original poster
mamatomany · 07/12/2010 20:00

could you direct her to the things the dcs need / you like or go shopping with them for the clothes with lots of 'mmmm, this one's nice'?

You could do that if we saw her more than once a year, true.

OP posts:
tinselthechaffinch · 07/12/2010 20:01

OP, I don't think YABU.

If you don't have a loads of relatives buying presents for your dcs, it must be pretty galling when your own mum doesn't listen to you when you say the clothes will be wasted.

And clothes are a boring present for young dcs. I'd be pissed off too.

I'm lucky, I'm not part of a large family,and ds only has my side, but they are thoughtful and generally ask what kind of thing he is into at the moment.

bb99 · 07/12/2010 20:01

BTW my kids don't 'assume' clothes appear in their wardrobes at all - esp not the older one and of course you buy what you enjoy buying for other people!

zukiecat · 07/12/2010 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bb99 · 07/12/2010 20:03

Do you live a long way from each other? Are they receptive to invitatons? Why only once a year?

Not meaning to pry, but it sounds more complicated than clothes for gifts - relatives can be really challenging, you have my sympathy on that one!

ItalianLady · 07/12/2010 20:03

Newsflash Your child won't see any inadequacies in your mother until unless you tell them.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 07/12/2010 20:04

Yabu-but my aunt used to spend hundreds on me - would take me to harrods and kit me out in Chanel,Dior etc and my mum hated the sheer cost of it all- Esp because I would go out to play hockey in donna karan, can still remember my poor mums face when id come back covered in mud with holes in everything Grin

Original poster
mamatomany · 07/12/2010 20:04

So on the same theme BB99 would it be ok if I bought my mother some suitable clothes for a 55 year old woman rather than the skin tight show off your back fat type of sweaters she seems to favor ? Or would that be pointless as it's not her ?

OP posts:
Seona1973 · 07/12/2010 20:05

I have returned clothes to matalan without a receipt and they have changed them with no problems. They have some nice stuff, especially pj's which both mine got as birthday presents (and were happy with!!)

Tolalola · 07/12/2010 20:05

I am starting to think that this thread must be a wind up, surely?

Nobody irl could be this brattish or comedy-snobby. Hyacinth Bucket, anyone?

Ha ha OP have a [fbear].

Eowyn · 07/12/2010 20:06

I've mostly bought DD 10 clothes this year. Hadn't realised it was such a terrible thing to do. She keeps growing tho...

thesecondcoming · 07/12/2010 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mamatomany · 07/12/2010 20:07

She is busy bb99 and I have been down to visit before now and she has been out, not kidding, 3 children on the train 200 miles and she forgot.
I've paid for panto tickets and meals to spend the day with them and had eyes rolled at the boyfriend about me cos she's bored after a few hours.
I'll still make the effort, DH wonders why but she is all we have.

OP posts:
bb99 · 07/12/2010 20:07

You could certainly try! Don't see the harm in a bit of subtle, or not so subtle styling Wink

I have received one or two grim items of clothing for the dcs in the past, a photo of dcs wearing them and then ebay have been a life saver if you don't plan on seeing the gift giver in the near future!

tomhardyismydh · 07/12/2010 20:07

all they have to open is clothes
I now feel under massive pressure to spend money I haven't really got making up for the fact that they as little children are getting what other kids would just assume appears in their wardrobes.

look here for massive pressure love.

you have angered me so much reading this. what a horrible person you have conveyed your self to be.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 07/12/2010 20:08

What is the problem with clothes for children?

Are we all so spoilt that we expect amazing, perfectly chosen presents for our kids?

Presents are optional. If you like what you get its a bonus not a right.

I am sorry but I really do not understand this thread at all.

You even say your kids dont care. I thought this was about them not liking their presents.

If they dont care what is the problem. If it really is the waste you care about, give them to charity or sell them on ebay. Open an account for your kids and every year you can put Nanny's dirty money into it. Then you can go and buy them what you think they you are entitled to.

This is bloody madness.

fulltimeworkingmum · 07/12/2010 20:08

Nothing wrong with getting clothes for DC's at all. Children just love opening the presents, no matter what is inside.

Original poster
mamatomany · 07/12/2010 20:11

It's easy to say ebay, but nobody would want this stuff, really.
I wish i'd kept the summer stuff to show you, it really is appalling. And the little one got a rash under her arm where it rubbed. And I bet it's not cheap.

OP posts:
LadyBiscuit · 07/12/2010 20:12

Why don't you just cut her off? It's clear you have nothing but contempt for the woman. Your FIL is a vicar. FFS you sound like Hyacinth Bucket.

At least your mother makes an effort whereas right now I'm struggling to see any redeeming features about you ...

SpotSplatterSplash · 07/12/2010 20:12

YABU and sound more so with each post.

Can you not exchange the clothes in Matalan for something more to your taste? If the problem really isn't Matalan.

bb99 · 07/12/2010 20:12

mama

sounds really tricky - Xmas is always the time of year that brings these things to the surface! My in-laws really let me down just over a year ago and it was really hard to re-build the relationship, still am re-building it in fact and Xmas was just awful, the time we spent with them! Now I tend to try and grimmace grin through it all and make the best of it.

If the tags are still on the clothes they should atleast swap them for something else in the shop.

200 miles on the train! You sound much more tolerant than I would be! maybe send her the ticket next time and get her to do the travelling?

MrsNonSmoker · 07/12/2010 20:13

Has anyone else asked, OP, do your children get lots of stuff anyway, or are these parcels of clothes pretty much all they will get - are you in dire straits and could have done with the money? If its all they will get, and its not what they wanted, then I feel your disappointment for them.

If they get shedloads from other people and it takes them till new year to get through the boxes then I think you just have to put this into the "bloody families" file and grit your teeth.

I think there is a big difference between the two scenarios - interested to hear what others say as scenario one is us.