First of all, this could get lengthy so my apologies in advance. I'll try to keep it brief...
My son is eight years old. I may be biased here, but he is an absolute joy; kind, friendly, sensible, funny and very intelligent (with an aptitude for the more academic subjects which is also a plus)! Many people (aside from biased friends and family) have told me this, so I am assuming it's safe to believe it to be true! It is also a complete fluke and not the result of any wondrous parenting from his dad and I (who incidentally, were both terrors growing up)! 
He really is a little star.
I was 18 when I had him (26 now) and my young age has never appeared to be a problem for any of us. His dad and I separated when he was a baby (too young) but remain friends and his dad has him nearly every weekend. We both met new partners fairly soon after the split, who we've remained with happily ever since and who love my DS like their own. It's all he's ever known and he has a happy family life - fairly standard these days I would have thought.
It took me by surprise how well he was to do at school. His dad was sporty and I was bright (but lazy) so it was a nice surprise for both of us! He has always enjoyed school, had fun, made friends and excelled academically. When he first started in reception, he was a little shy (only child thing maybe?) and showed some mildly autistic quirks (struggled with eye contact, loud noises, etc). But since then, he's positively blossomed!!!
.....until now.
I can quite clearly make the distinction between a bright, happy-go-lucky lad leaving his year 3 class at the start of the summer holidays to the miserable, lonely, exhausted lad I have in front of me today. I have literally watched him spiral into depression since the start of the Autumn term - it has been that blatant. Basically, he is being bullied.
It's a few of the lads in his class who are responsible, although there is a blatant ringleader in the midst. There has been the usual verbal bullying; "You're mum's poor" or "You're have and ugly face" or even; "You're disgusting and germy - go away - I never want to see you again". There has also been mental torture, such as everyone running away form him, refusing to play/ share/ sit-near/ etc.
Very worryingly, there is a degree of physical bullying as well. One very dismaying incident, involved one lad holding my DS up against a wall whilst another (the ringleader) punched him repeatedly in the stomach. This nasty creature, is very sly and quite a consummate liar (I've had him round for tea in previous years, so I'm on to him). He seems to enjoy torturing my DS until my DS lashes back out and gets into trouble himself. The lead bully seems quite happy to take a punch himself if it means he can get my son into trouble. My DS has told me of incidents where the bully has pinched, poked and punched him away from the teachers gaze. My DS is pretty patient and has described to me how he goes red in the face with anger and embarrassment and tries to close his eyes and screw up his face in an attempt not to hit the other child back. Eventually the other child will push and push until my DS snaps and clocks him one. My son is very tall, but quite skinny. He can handle himself but doesn't really want to have to. A gentle giant some might say.
This is bad enough, but the ringleader is also very manipulative and appears to have turned the entire class against my DS. He really is a social pariah. No one will play with him now and sharing space with him is done out of duress. My son is quite naive and not at all streetwise, so he doesn't know how to handle this at all. He is quite over-affectionate and will try to smile hug people to win them over as friends. They push him off and say; "Eurgh - you've got germs - get away from me"! He has even gotten into trouble with the staff for annoying people with his hugging. Something is very wrong here.
I don't even blame the bullies though really. No. The weak link here is the teacher. She seems to have it in for my son and that in turn has given the kids permission to have a go at him as well. She singles him out and embarrasses him. I was unimpressed with her the first time I met her (end of Sept). Prior to my son telling me about the bullying, she was complaining about his distractedness, fidgeting and over-affection. Fair enough. I was perfectly polite and co-operative - I always have been as I believe parents and teachers should be working together to help children. I asked her a simple question (if she would keep her eyes peeled for any 'behind-the-scenes' stuff that might be happening that could be effecting him). She quite defensively interrupted me twice as if if I was attacking her teaching. I wasn't, and made sure I repeated my request calmly. She also said his fidgeting made him and 'irritant' - even though he didn't mean to be. Weird. And not pleasant.
A few weeks later, it was parents evening. By this point, my son had told me he was being bullied and I had made an appointment with the deputy head later that same night to familiarise my self with the school's policy and ask what could be done. His class teacher was then overly complimentary and keen on my son! She had no choice but to compliment his school work (which is to a high standard anyway) but she seemed far more focused on his personality. I felt like she was paying me lip service. "Oh he's so great - he's one of my favourites actually! The other day, I had to tell him off for something and he looked so sad, I was heartbroken for the rest of the day. I can't bear it if he's off with me - he and I have a special bond", etc, etc... (even if that was true, get a bloody grip woman)! I wondered if she was saying all this stuff because she was paranoid about me possibly complaining about her to the deputy head later (I wasn't going to and didn't) or whether she says it to every parent? Who knows?! Later that night the deputy head was very helpful and promised to speak to the boys involved in the bullying and look out for DS's well being.
Except things went from bad to worse.
One particularly heartbreaking incident was quite recently. The children all went to the theatre as a day trip. I asked DS if he had enjoyed, which he said he had. I said to him; "who did you sit next to on the coach?!" and he replied; "No one". I said; "what do you mean? On the way there or on the way back?" "Both" he answered. It transpired that he had also been separated from the rest of the class during the show as well, sitting only next to a teacher with the class on the other side. In other words, his teachers had quite clearly either just left him on his own or blatantly separated him. Had he done anything wrong or naughty? No. This has been confirmed by staff.
When I spoke to the deputy head about this she said; "how does your DS feel about this?" to which I replied he had been matter-of-fact about it. She agreed that it was awful that he just accepted that he would always be left out. She mentioned the words 'class scapegoat' and started talking about moving him to another class in the year (it's a big school, with four form entry). I politely suggested that perhaps some of the bullies should be separated. She said she understood that but, to think of a large portion of the children in my DS's current class as a "lost cause" and that my DS would never quite fit in with them as they as rude, brash and rough - something my over-sensitive DS struggles with. She said even if she put the ringleader in another class, there are many kids in his current class cut from similar cloth and willing to fill said ringleaders shoes. And that basically, my DS needs "a bunch of nerds to hang around with" (I actually agree) and that there is a class with a vacancy coming up that has some nicer, more mature lads in it. Fine. Sounds good. Up to DS in the end though.
Meanwhile, his dad (working nights at the mo) phoned the school to confirm what was happening. It sounds like the deputy head had a very different conversation with him than she did with me, giving his dad pointers to share with DS on how to be less of an annoyance and how to make friends. If that's how the school feels, then fine but at least keep the message consistent between the two parents FFS!!!
Just yesterday, came the final straw for me. I went to pick my son up from school (yes, it is amazingly still open!) and he beamed when he saw me as he was coming out the door. I thought to myself; great - he looks like he's had a good day! He went over to his teacher and said "I see my mum" so that he could get permission to go. Teacher looked at me coldly and turned back to my DS and started having a real go at him - wagging her finger in his face and everything. This was in front of his fellow students, the others parents at the school and HIS OWN MOTHER!!! I was just about to go up and ask what the problem was when he ran over to me all deflated. I asked him was there a problem and did we have to go and speak to his teacher and what did he do wrong. He said no and we were free to go and that he would tell me the problem on the way to the car. So we left. After what happened next, I now really regret not marching up to the bitch and saying; "Do you really think it's wise to humiliate a child so publicly? How do you like it back?!" 
(As it turns out, DS had called one of the girls a 'loser' after she had snatched a school pencil off of him (that he had admittedly sucked the top of) and called him 'germy and disgusting'. Not nice of him (and I told him so) but he got the full blame - nothing on the female child. His teacher in the playground had said to him; "stop irritating people with your behaviour and try to get along with people.)
When we got back to the car, DS absolutely broke down. Horrendously so. I have never, ever seen him so upset in all my life. He was saying things like; "Everybody hates me so, so much. They're making my life hell - even the girls now. They always push me over and leave me out. Everyone runs away form me I had two friends and now they run away from me too. They call me names and punch and kick me. Sometimes they pretend to punch me and stop just before my face, which is even more annoying. I do things differently to them but they always pick on me for every. little. thing. Like if I hold my pen differently or if look at them and smile, they tell me off and boss me around. My methods are different at school and they always tell me I'm doing it wrong but I get lots right too. They always think they're right and I'm crap. I'm sick of it. I even stopped hugging everyone and they still hate me. Harry hugs everyone now and no one minds it when it's him. They all snatch things off me - even when they're mine. If I get put into a group, they all say; "oh no - not DS's name*" and the teacher never tells them off. She's always telling me off though. I can't concentrate on my work because all I can think off is how to get people to like me No one is nice to me - they're all so extreme. I hate my life and I want to die." 
It was devastating (although I was part impressed, part horrified to hear him genuinely use the words; 'method', 'extreme' and 'crap' - quite, erm adult?!). I have seriously never been so heartbroken and had to stop myself from crying at just how broken my little man has become. He looked exhausted. He couldn't even breath, he was crying so hard. He was pleading with me to help him. He even wrote me a letter, apologising for calling that girl a loser - as if that was the big bloody problem. I'm so genuinely gutted to see this normally happy, bright little boy so nervy and despondent. This is no way for him to live. I am so angry with his teacher - why is she doing this to him? I kept him off school today - my conscience wouldn't let me send him to be looked after by this woman. I have made another appointment with the deputy head on Monday and this time, I'm going to get pissed off.
I understand that the school has to put the majority of the class first. But I genuinely don't believe that my son deserves this level of malignment for "being a bit annoying". Please mumsnetters - have I got this all wrong? what the hell should I do?!