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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS wants to be a princess

274 replies

MrsKitty · 01/12/2010 18:16

Nursery are having a 'superheros & princesses' themed dressing up day next week for charity.

DS (3.10) wants to be a princess. AIBU to agree that he can be? .

I think it's rather sweet personally. DH not convinced.

OP posts:

LadyViper · 01/12/2010 18:19

will he be teased? it wouldn't be fair to put him a situation that could leave him open to bullying. Could he be a princess when he gets home?

spikeycow · 01/12/2010 18:20

The whole of Mumsnet will tell you it's OK. I was told 10 year old boys are OK to play out in tutus on here (it's obviously not OK at all) At 3 they can get away with it depending on the type of school

thisisyesterday · 01/12/2010 18:21

yes, i would let him.
but i might take him a change of outfit in case he decides he doesn't want to be one once he gets there

SuePurblybiltByElves · 01/12/2010 18:21

Let him and be prepared to put a rocket under the nursery who allow comment or discourage it. It's lovely. Ask DH would he worry about a DD dressing up as a pirate?

thisisyesterday · 01/12/2010 18:21

spikey... why isn't ok for a 10 yr old to play in a tutu?

FreudianFoxSquishedByAPouffe · 01/12/2010 18:22

I would think a decent preschool would stamp out any teasing in that situation.

I often see little boys at DD's preschool dressed in princess outfits!

spikeycow · 01/12/2010 18:22

Because it just obviously isn't. I'm not even going there.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 01/12/2010 18:23

Well, it is, as long as he can take the taunts from his peers.

DirtyMartini · 01/12/2010 18:24

At that age it's unlikely to result in bullying, surely? My DS is almost that age and goes to nursery. Nobody there would dream of allowing any nasty remarks and tbh I cannot imagine any of the kids in his class being inclined to think or say anything about it -- they're all very young and still very open-minded! But then, it is a pretty right-on lentil-weaving nursery.

I would say go for it, but yeah, be ready in case of a last-minute change of mind from him.

DirtyMartini · 01/12/2010 18:25

I can understand that it might be inviting hurtful remarks for a 10 year old boy to play out (I'm assuming this means out and about in the neighbourhood/garden) in a tutu. Sad but true.

Original poster

MrsKitty · 01/12/2010 18:26

It's a 'nursery' nursery, rather than a school nursery IYSWIM, so I would really hope that there wouldn't be any chance of bullying/laughing at him, as I'd hope they'd be too young to be conforming to stereotypes already (am I being naive here?)

I think I will arrange the princess and, as you say, have a spare outfit with him.

DH is not 'worried' about him being a princess, as such, I think he's more concerned about what others would think possibly?

DS often gets wrapped up in a big white towel after bath to be a 'princess' then too .

OP posts:

spikeycow · 01/12/2010 18:27

10 year old boys don't play out in tutus. Prancing about while their mates are doing wheelies and playing on their skateboards. It's ridiculous. Middle class parents might think it's OK when they live in a detached house in the country but it's not OK in residential areas. End of, no debate, it's just obvious. And any parent who would send their boy like that is very cruel and mad

thisisyesterday · 01/12/2010 18:32

nope, sorry you've lost me

is it because tutus contain "gay" which might rub off on them?
or is it because they might grow up to become cross-dressers? and if so, why is that a problem?

honestly, really don't see a problem with it if it's what they WANT to do.

"end of, no debate. it's just obvious"
well yes, if you're incredibly narrow-minded and scared of people who are different.

Asteria · 01/12/2010 18:33

YANBU If he really wants to go dressed as a princess then it would be a shame to upset him by forcing him into a superhero outfit. If you aren't sure that he will be happy once he gets there then you could always take him to a fancy dress shop and show him some really fab superhero costumes to try and persuade him into one of them instead.

the wallpaper on my PC is of my DS8 wearing a flamenco dress and jumping on a trampoline with 4 of his friends - all equally frocked up. He also wore my old bridesmaid dresses and slept in a cardboard box for 3 weeks when he was 3 (we were moving house and he took a fancy to one of the packing boxes), but seems to be perfectly happy and actually very secure in himself. I would far rather a child who saw nothing wrong with dressing up than one who thought it was "gay" - which we have had a problem with at our school...

spikeycow · 01/12/2010 18:34

Do you have a 10 year old? would you take him out in a tutu? Why do people lie on here? You wouldn't do it. You wouldn't walk down the street with your son, in a tutu. Ideology is one thing, but you wouldn't do it

thisisyesterday · 01/12/2010 18:34

oh and sorry, but i;m not middle class, nor do i live in a detached house in the country
in fact, i don't live in a detached house at all. not even a semi!

and I have 3 sons

thisisyesterday · 01/12/2010 18:35

if my son wanted to wear a tutu i would let him. yes

why wouldn't i?

why is it so impossible for you to believe that other people may think differently to you?

frgr · 01/12/2010 18:37

nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/

I'm with thisisyesterday on this one.

TiggyD · 01/12/2010 18:37

Fine in a nursery. If they really want to when they're older they should be able too but would probably be a bad idea unless they really feel they must.

spikeycow · 01/12/2010 18:38

Nothing is impossible on Mumsnet actually. I learnt that when I was first told 10 year old boys can wear tutus and make up in the street.

neepsntatties · 01/12/2010 18:38

I think it's great that he wants to, my DS often wants to dress up like this, doesn't bother me at all. A ten year old in a tutu also wouldn't bother me at all either, if it was what the ten year old wanted to do. I would feel worse about making a ten year old feel ashamed of their choices than about letting them out in a tutu.

Our school also has an awful homophobia problem, it infuriates me.

Asteria · 01/12/2010 18:39

Spikeycow my DS has just requested a hot chocolate and a "chick flick" DVD in front of the fire. He isn't in adress at the moment, but if we are snowed in again tomorrow I can put money on him rummaging through my wardrobe for fancy dress items. He is particularly good with my 4inch Gucci heels and a dab hand at applying make-up, does that make him gay?

spikeycow · 01/12/2010 18:40

Mmm, as for homophobia I'm bi so oh well. Gay people are normal. They don't go round in tutus like you lot keep saying.

earwicga · 01/12/2010 18:40

'Because it just obviously isn't. I'm not even going there.'

You don't need to as you are obviously a bigot.
-

Glad you linked to that post fgr, saved me the search to do the same.

OP - YANBU to let your child wear whatever clothes he wants to.

thisisyesterday · 01/12/2010 18:40

well spikey, some of us care about what our children want and feel. and rather than push our own fear and prejudice on them we are willing to let them wear thiings they want to wear and let them be happy being themselves rather than forcing them into some kind of stereotype

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