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AIBU?

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Original poster

I am so angry!

523 replies

KateEllis · 01/12/2010 16:36

At the end of September my DD (age 7) was cast as Cinderella in the school panto. The school takes these things VERY seriously so they have had lots of after school sessions etc. I was very pleased for my daughter because she was so excited (please note I did not care about her having a lead role, I just want her to be happy). She has had loads of lines to learn but has been brilliant and learnt them all, on top of learning two solo songs and 4 other songs and attended every after school rehersal. I had also made one of her costumes and bought another. The panto was due to be next friday, then the falling monday and tuesday.

However today this happened. I was waiting in the yard to collect her and her younger sister, when she came out of school I could see it looked like she was on the verge of tears, I asked her what was wrong and she said 'I'm not Cinderella anymore'.
At first my initial thought was, as she was ill yesterday mybe somebody covered for her and she was a bit confused. I asked this but she insisted the part had been given to another little girl.
Her teacher was in the yard so I went over to speak to her.
I just said dd is a bit upset because she thinks she is no longer playing cinderella.
Her teacher said "That's right she isn't"
I asked why and she said
"Well she was off yesterday, and I expect people who are given big parts to show a commitment. It is also to show her that good attendance is a must"
Yesterday was the first day my daughter has had off this year!!!!!!
She also said she has given another girl the part and now this little girl has to learn everything by next friday which just seems impossible for a 7 yo, and as I said the school will expect this girl to learn all the lines as they take drama productions extremely seriously.

My daughter is so upset and I am so angry, up until today her teacher and others have been coming up to me in the yard and saying how great she is doing now they have completely devastated her after all the effort she has put in. She now has no part at all, as its a whole school production all parts are taken up.

I am so angry Angry and upset for my poor daughter who hasn't stopped crying Sad

OP posts:
Animation · 02/12/2010 11:24

I was hoping the teacher in question might be in this meeting as well - I would have liked to see her squirm a bit when you and DH asked THE pertinent questions.

Be assured - they will have NO so called 'good attendance' policy that your daughter was told. That was an excuse.

There probably is a favouritism thing going on.

LouMacca · 02/12/2010 11:26

YADNBU.

I don't know if its already been mentioned (not read whole thread) but what would happen if Cinders No. 2 had a 24 hours tummy upset? Would they go on to a Cinders No. 3 or expect your DD to just step back in?

Absolutely shocking way to treat a child. Hope the meeting has a good outcome for you.

staranise · 02/12/2010 11:27

Oooh minerva, that's exactly what I thought too! Best of luck for this afternoon, it all sounds very peculiar.

forehead · 02/12/2010 11:37

I am really annoyed on your behalf. Please get your dd her role back. Make sure that you remain calm, but make it clear that you expect your dd to get her role back.

KangarooCaught · 02/12/2010 11:55

Best wishes with the after-school meeting.

mjinsparklystockings · 02/12/2010 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FreudianFoxSquishedByAPouffe · 02/12/2010 12:08

OMG just caught up with this and seen the new cinders wasnt even the understudy? WTF?!

Ok if I wasnt suspicious before I am now. Jeez. Feel terribly sorry for the understudy too, poor girl.

Best of luck with the meeting.

mjinsparklystockings · 02/12/2010 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tortington · 02/12/2010 12:24

just marking my place. hope the meeting goes well

FunkySnowSkeleton · 02/12/2010 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

colditz · 02/12/2010 12:35

For God's sake, stop fucking about trying to fix this. You cannot fix someone who is emotionally abusive. Anyone who would do this to a 7 year old has a screw loose, and you cannot tighten it for them. Pull her out, send her to the best state school you can get her into and watch, just watch, as she unwinds.

CarmenSanDiego · 02/12/2010 12:39

Good luck! Just read this and it's unbelievable that teachers would do this to a child. Looking forward to hearing the outcome.

goldenticket · 02/12/2010 12:42

Good luck with the meeting.

SantasMooningArse · 02/12/2010 12:45

Well I kinda agree with Colditz, although I think it's excellent for your DD to see you battling her corner; what pisses me of more than anything about this is that the teacher has created a situation where one kid's Christmas is going to be possibly significantly ruined now (assuming the attachment to the play is anything like it is at our school anyhow).

Now, ds3's school split the main part for their end of eyar play last eyar so that kids not necessarily able to memorise all teh lines but deserving of a shot could share the part (2 boys): probably only workable solution here.

But poor your DD< poor you and poor other girl too. Shite school.

SantasMooningArse · 02/12/2010 12:50

Oh and yes this si exactly the crap that our school would get up to; not private but gets a lot of funding from the Church (not a Church school as such- complicated) that aprents have an influence on, and the kids of those aprents always get everything going (barring School Council Captain which my DS1 argued his way into this year- go him, esp. as he has ASD and a lot of support).

It's bloody obviosuly favouritism but only changes if you can hand them a way forward in whcih nobody loses.

laurielou · 02/12/2010 12:51

This is outrageous!

Good luck for your meeting this afternoon.

I presume this "no sickness" policy extends to all teachers too? And they are "punished" if they dare to be poorly?

doesthismatter · 02/12/2010 13:06

This whole thing is shameful. I hope your DD is coping now.

I would also tell the head that you will be making enquiries to see if any other children have missed any rehearsals whatsoever and, if so, whether they were treated in this way. Surely if it is a fairly large production your DD cannot be the only child to have missed one of many rehearsals since September.

If they were all treated this way this would be bizarre but would confirm that the school are completely horrendous in their attitude/policies. not a place to send your child.

If your DD is the only one to have suffered this punishment i think it is pretty clear proof of some sort of favouritism going on.

TandB · 02/12/2010 13:13

I don't suppose you would consider taking MN to the meeting with you? I am sure a fair number of us could assemble at short notice. Grin

Or at least take your laptop and keep us updated in live time....

LoopyLoops · 02/12/2010 13:14

Not even the bloody understudy.

Shock

If things don't go your way this afternoon I'd be inclined to contact the parents of the understudy, and ask them if they'd like to join you in speaking to the press.

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 02/12/2010 13:21

I am incensed on your DD's behalf. I cannot understand that any school, private or not, does not have a sickness policy and would bring that up with the GOvernors myself, especially as you are a medical professional (I did read right that you are a doctor, didn't I?). HOw utterly fucking irresponsible.

I bet this is one of those schools where children who have to go to hospital appointments are banned from the school parties for sub-100% attendance as well - another loathsome thing to do to primary-aged children.

Next thing schools like this will insist on all DC having a full medical before they're allowed through the doors - no ill people here, please!

What a loony bunch of fucking bastards they are. Scuse the language.

Dylthan · 02/12/2010 13:23

I too thought there was nothing fishy going on as lots of kids lose their parts after missing one rehersal. I thought the teacher was just an idiot, but to hear that the new cinders is not even the understudy Shock there's definatly somthing not right.

Good luck this afternoon.

pourmeanotherglass · 02/12/2010 13:25

Would they rather children attended school when ill and passed the virus on to the whole class?

Funkychunkymunky · 02/12/2010 13:25

marking my place

mummylin2495 · 02/12/2010 13:36

This is a shameful thing to do to a young child,what were you meant to do ,let her go to school and risk all the other kids getting a bug too.Ridiculous situation.Good luck this afternoon.

KangarooCaught · 02/12/2010 13:43

Save time, pick up legal counsel & a DM reporter on the way to the meeting. Take dd on full Cinderella costume for added pathos. Be careful though, once the press gets hold of it, panto offers will come flooding in & you won't see dd until the end of January. The HT & drama teacher will become lonely & maudlin Miss Hanigan figures, drunkenly swilling gin out of jam jars.

Failing this, hope you get a just outcome for your dd & a fulsome apology [crosses fingers]