Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am so angry!

523 replies

KateEllis · 01/12/2010 16:36

At the end of September my DD (age 7) was cast as Cinderella in the school panto. The school takes these things VERY seriously so they have had lots of after school sessions etc. I was very pleased for my daughter because she was so excited (please note I did not care about her having a lead role, I just want her to be happy). She has had loads of lines to learn but has been brilliant and learnt them all, on top of learning two solo songs and 4 other songs and attended every after school rehersal. I had also made one of her costumes and bought another. The panto was due to be next friday, then the falling monday and tuesday.

However today this happened. I was waiting in the yard to collect her and her younger sister, when she came out of school I could see it looked like she was on the verge of tears, I asked her what was wrong and she said 'I'm not Cinderella anymore'.
At first my initial thought was, as she was ill yesterday mybe somebody covered for her and she was a bit confused. I asked this but she insisted the part had been given to another little girl.
Her teacher was in the yard so I went over to speak to her.
I just said dd is a bit upset because she thinks she is no longer playing cinderella.
Her teacher said "That's right she isn't"
I asked why and she said
"Well she was off yesterday, and I expect people who are given big parts to show a commitment. It is also to show her that good attendance is a must"
Yesterday was the first day my daughter has had off this year!!!!!!
She also said she has given another girl the part and now this little girl has to learn everything by next friday which just seems impossible for a 7 yo, and as I said the school will expect this girl to learn all the lines as they take drama productions extremely seriously.

My daughter is so upset and I am so angry, up until today her teacher and others have been coming up to me in the yard and saying how great she is doing now they have completely devastated her after all the effort she has put in. She now has no part at all, as its a whole school production all parts are taken up.

I am so angry Angry and upset for my poor daughter who hasn't stopped crying Sad

OP posts:
LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 02/12/2010 07:54

Can't believe that this is the way too teach the importance of good attendance, would the teacher have been replaced if he'd had a day off?

NonnoMum · 02/12/2010 07:56

Is today a Snow Day at that school? Will cinders2 be sacked for not being helicoptered in?

MovingGal · 02/12/2010 07:58

I agree with everyone who said don't meet with the other childs parents. They are nothing to do with you and not your problem at all. It will create bad feeling between them and you and the only people who should have to deal with the upset are the teachers, since they caused it! (By being meglomaniacal and arrogant!)

FreudianFoxSquishedByAPouffe · 02/12/2010 08:15

Lol yes get the teacher sacked if she has one day off :o

Best of luck today keep us posted.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 02/12/2010 08:47

SlightlyJaded has hit it right on the nose - I'd say exactly that, and watch them try to justify themselves.

I don't see how they will be able to justify themselves at all. If they bring up the importance of good attendance, you simply ask them whether that means that they want a vomitting, diarrhoea-ing child sent to school to spread their germs round - and how happy would other parents be if that was school policy.

If they bring up the rewarding good attendance, punishing bad concept you again ask them if they want to encourage sick children to come into school, and you ask them why they think it is acceptable to punish a child who is genuinely ill/injured.

If they bring up the fact that Cinders 2 will be upset, you point out to them the fact that they had no compunction about breaking your dd's heart, so you expect they will be able to be equally heartless in upsetting No2!!

Reinstate the Cinders 1

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 02/12/2010 08:47

PS - I don't think I have ever seen such a unanimous AIBU!

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 02/12/2010 09:02

Also am I correct in thinking they didn't have a policy when asked? If it is such a high priority why isn't there a policy? They can't justake it up as they go along.

FindingMyMojo · 02/12/2010 09:43

another outraged MN'er here - very unfair & mean. They clearly have fucked this decision up big time, but Cindy2 can't possibly be as upset as Cindy1 who has put so much time & effort in for weeks.
Best of luck in your meeting - hope you can kick some head teacher ass and reinstate your DD. Feel very sad for her.

coatgate · 02/12/2010 09:53

Marking my place.

Reinstate the Cinders 1

MerryBlessings · 02/12/2010 09:55

It might be that the parents of cinders 2 are actually in agreement with you and feel what's happened is not fair to your DD

Quenelle · 02/12/2010 10:00

Good for you for standing up to the Head. What a strange woman. And what a strange policy, to punish 7 year olds for being poorly. I think she's interpreting it incorrectly and you should speak to the governors about it. At the very least get her to give you an explanation of this policy in writing. That might give her an opportunity to think it through properly. (As a doctor I'm sure you will easily undermine their stance regarding their responsibility towards your children's health.)

I agree with all the previous posters who said don't get into a negotiation with the other girl's parents. It's the school's fuck-up they should face them and deal with it.

Anyway, good luck and, as my colleague always says CRUSH THEM!

otchayaniye · 02/12/2010 10:03

I usually read threads about children in plays and think 'precious' to myself.

But I think they've been extremely unfair to your daughter and really feel for you. I hope you get it sorted.

Bizarre, unfair and counterproductive. They've upset two sets of people now.

pallymama · 02/12/2010 10:18

AngryAngryAngry
I am fuming for you OP! Nothing new to add, but I strongly agree with everyone else who said not to meet with the others girls parents.

Reinstate the Cinders 1

strumpet82 · 02/12/2010 10:42

Do let us know what the Head says KateEllis, I think we're all intruiged to know!

strumpet82

mumbar · 02/12/2010 10:49

Come back to mark my place - have you had the meeting with the HT yet KateEllis??

PLease tell us they've reinstated cinders 1.

Original poster
KateEllis · 02/12/2010 10:58

Hi everyone, thank you so much for the supportive comments and really great advice.

We went in to speak with the head this morning, and guess what - she wasn't there!
She was at a meeting according to her secretary Hmm

I would have waited for her, but I had an emergency call from work so had to leave. My husband however said he wanted her to phone him immediately after her meeting. I have had a text off him saying she has agreed to meet with us - just us after school today.
I definitely agree with what people have said about not meeting with the other parents, the school created that problem, they can deal with it.

I am not going to except a compromise. My daughter needs to be reinstated, full stop.

The strange thing is according to my DD this wasn't the little girl who was understudying for her. There was an understudy but she is still the understudy. I agree that the whole situation seems really odd.
Maybe the parents of cinders 2 did have something to do with it?

I will keep you updated how this afternoon goes.

Thanks again!

OP posts:
FakePlasticTrees · 02/12/2010 11:02

Wow - how upset must the understudy be???? If I was her parent I'd be pissed off too!

Hope you get the right answer this afternoon. Either way, I think a letter to the governers about the whole saga is a must. Apart from anything else, there should be a sickness policy.

mumbar · 02/12/2010 11:04

Good luck with the meeting - keep us posted. BTW thats awful about the understudy being left as one. Beginning to sounf fishy to me too.

whiteliesaregoodlies · 02/12/2010 11:07

Well done KateEllis you've handled it brilliantly so far.

I hate to be suspicious but at my son's old school (private) favouritism was rife. It was always the same kids that won the Christmas card competition, the guy competition, the poetry competition etc etc. One was the youngest of four at the same school whose mum was a teacher and chair of the PTA. I actually felt sorry for the boy because every single time his name was announced as the winner yet again, eyes would collectively roll.

Not the reason we moved our dcs, but this just doesn't happen at their current school (private again though, so not all the same). If the teachers are allowed to get away with bullying and favouritism then you can be sure that the kids will follow suit.

Good luck for your meeting. You have the might of mumsnet behind you!

Reinstate the Cinders 1!

Chaotica · 02/12/2010 11:10

good luck in the meeting. I'm another one who is livid on your behalf.

whiteliesaregoodlies · 02/12/2010 11:15

Oh and a small story from my own childhood if I may.

When I was seven, we were set a project on the Victorians. I worked for weeks on the writing, the pictures, everything, and produced a huge scrapbook of material. I cut around the edges of each written piece (on A4 paper) with pinking shears to make the paper look pretty.

The teacher - a miserable cow - refused to accept my work because she had "clearly stated" that all written work was to be done on A4 paper.

I will NEVER forget the sight of my mum going in and tackling her on it. She was calm and polite but firm and told the teacher that her behaviour was unacceptable and that we as a family did not tolerate bullies. She told the teacher that I had worked late into the night on the project and that come hell or highwater the teacher was backing down.

The teacher backed down. I was so immensely proud of my mum and have never forgotten that she backed me up. Your DD will thank you too in years to come for fighting her corner.

Merrylegs · 02/12/2010 11:16

This whole thing is completely bonkers.

No one with a pulse would find the school's behaviour anything other than bizarre. Unless your DD's name is Matilda and the head is Ms Trunchbull?

The teacher is unhinged. The Head agreeing with her is beyond odd.

If you find at least one other person in the school who agrees with the teacher and the Head then I advise you to grab your kids and get the hell out of there. PDQ.

They are all deranged.

minervaitalica · 02/12/2010 11:17

KateEllis,

let us know how you get on! We are all behind you...

Is your daughter in a famous South London school by any chance?

ItalianLady · 02/12/2010 11:19

Good luck for the meeting this afternoon.

Eglu · 02/12/2010 11:24

Just seen this for the first time. Absolutely appalling behaciour by the school. Good luck this afternoon.