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Original poster

I am so angry!

523 replies

KateEllis · 01/12/2010 16:36

At the end of September my DD (age 7) was cast as Cinderella in the school panto. The school takes these things VERY seriously so they have had lots of after school sessions etc. I was very pleased for my daughter because she was so excited (please note I did not care about her having a lead role, I just want her to be happy). She has had loads of lines to learn but has been brilliant and learnt them all, on top of learning two solo songs and 4 other songs and attended every after school rehersal. I had also made one of her costumes and bought another. The panto was due to be next friday, then the falling monday and tuesday.

However today this happened. I was waiting in the yard to collect her and her younger sister, when she came out of school I could see it looked like she was on the verge of tears, I asked her what was wrong and she said 'I'm not Cinderella anymore'.
At first my initial thought was, as she was ill yesterday mybe somebody covered for her and she was a bit confused. I asked this but she insisted the part had been given to another little girl.
Her teacher was in the yard so I went over to speak to her.
I just said dd is a bit upset because she thinks she is no longer playing cinderella.
Her teacher said "That's right she isn't"
I asked why and she said
"Well she was off yesterday, and I expect people who are given big parts to show a commitment. It is also to show her that good attendance is a must"
Yesterday was the first day my daughter has had off this year!!!!!!
She also said she has given another girl the part and now this little girl has to learn everything by next friday which just seems impossible for a 7 yo, and as I said the school will expect this girl to learn all the lines as they take drama productions extremely seriously.

My daughter is so upset and I am so angry, up until today her teacher and others have been coming up to me in the yard and saying how great she is doing now they have completely devastated her after all the effort she has put in. She now has no part at all, as its a whole school production all parts are taken up.

I am so angry Angry and upset for my poor daughter who hasn't stopped crying Sad

OP posts:
SparkleSoiree · 01/12/2010 21:38

I feel so sorry for your DD. What a mean, cruel, controlling thing to do to a child. Your commitment as her parents has been there all along by taking her to all her previous rehearsals and preparing her costumes. Unless they stipulated to you that 'failure to attend one single rehearsal means you automatically lose your part and it will be reallocated to somebody else without further ado' then I cannot see how they can possibly uphold this decision.

The normal rule of thumb for punishment/chastise/discipline/guidance/whatever your word choice is, is that you set the rules up out front and always give a warning before you carry out any course of action.

If it were me I would be in there with a emotionless face and ask them one question which would be 'We are looking to you to explain your course of action yesterday which has caused our daughter great distress' and allow them to talk and not filling in any pregnant pauses.

Usually out of that you will find one or two points to follow on with that will get you to the point of discussing how you get her reinstated into her role.

We had DD in private for 18 months and took her out. This was mainly due to the fact that there were 13 in DD's class and the desks were set up for 2. She was never paired with anyone and it affected her being accepted in class. Despite our constant meetings with the school to try and resolve the issue it never changed and her friendships were never bonded hence we had to remove her. The attitude was strange and very much 'she is not trying hard enough' with no empathy for her loneliness so we decided enough was enough.

It is little things like that where you realise if they can cruelly hurt your child knowingly then it is not the place for your child.

FreudianFoxSquishedByAPouffe · 01/12/2010 21:41

Very good point about the relevance of it being a private school. You're paying customers FFS.

Obviously I don't know the other problems you're having, they must be really bad if you're considering taking her out over it!

looneytune · 01/12/2010 21:53

Only read to a point so sorry if this has been mentioned already but I am a childminder and we have to have loads of policies, including a sickness policy. If I accepted children with D & V, I'd be in trouble with the local health authority. I helped on a childminder thread yesterday and gave a link to the list of exclusions for schools and childcare settings. Will post it here in a sec.

SOOOOO angry on your behalf Angry. My ds1 is 7 and I can't imagine his school doing so incredibly cruel!!! And what if your dd went in so not to get in trouble and then spread a bug round the school! I'm shocked! I agree that it is NOT your problem what's going on with the other parents, it's down to the school to sort out! I real feel you need to fight them on this, for the sake of all the children who go there. God, you PAY them for your child to attend and this is how they treat them!!! Angry

Right, be back with that link in a sec...

looneytune · 01/12/2010 21:58

Here's the link I was talking about

bupcakesandcunting · 01/12/2010 22:07

Oh Quavers! How I've missed thee!

NonnoMum · 01/12/2010 22:08

Besides, isn't the recommendation these days for 48 hours off for D and V? therefore your dd shouldn't have even gone in today, so let's pretend today never happened...

Just on another note, also feel sorry for the little girl offered the role. She may well pick it up quite quickly, (my dd knows everyone's part in the Nativity - not cos she is an acting genius, but cos they have sat through rehearsals sooo many times), so don't let they lord that over you (ohhh, Cinders 2 did sooo well, such a natural). Will be tough for the other little girl, but maybe her mum is wondering why cinders1 got sacked so suddenly, so hopefully might have prepared her dd for the worst. It stinks.

scottishmummy · 01/12/2010 22:11

what a harsh decision.esp upon 7yp

badfairy · 01/12/2010 22:18

Jeez and your paying for that!? Shock

piscesmoon · 01/12/2010 22:21

I hadn't read it all so have just caught up with the fact you are paying for this!! Why?!

Mowiol · 01/12/2010 22:30

I've been reading this thread and I have to agree with those who have smelt (smelled?) a rat - I reckon this has been a "put up job". Some very important person/parent has indicated earlier that their little girl would love to be Cinderella.
If that is not the case then they are all absolutely barking mad.
On the other hand - if it is the case - then they are not only barking mad but horrible to boot.
Sock it to them at your meeting!!

KangarooCaught · 01/12/2010 22:44

Am speechlessly Shock&Angry

Hope you get your dd reinstated tomorrow and haul them over the coals.

They are a total embarrassment to the profession

LoopyLoops · 01/12/2010 22:45

Regarding the meeting, do not agree to meeting with the other parents. That would make the meeting a negotiation between you and them, leading to some sort of compromise and sharing the role. That may be the best plan, but really is not the point.

The point is your 7 year old little girl is being victimised by her teacher, who is being backed up by the head. You are paying for these people to care for and nurture your child, not to distress and bully her. The meeting should be about their failure to adhere to simple codes of decency.

Do take a dictaphone, or at least a pen and paper. Go in knowing what you want to say, what you want to ask, and what you want to achieve, as well as knowing to what extent you are prepared to push them. Will you really withdraw your children? Are you serious about going to the press?

On that note, I really do think the press threat is a good one of they don't seem like they will budge. Like any other business, their reputation is paramount to them, sadly more of a priority than the wellbeing of your child.

May I ask why your children are attending private school? As others have pointed out, this kind of cut-throat ethos does not usually exist in the state sector. Are there any good state schools nearby?

The other thing to think about is DD's acting and singing. Is there another production locally (too late for a panto, but anything else) that she can join in on? If you can substitute this role for another she may feel better.

Wishing her the best, poor little kid. :)

Ps stick to your guns, they deserve a proper roasting.

MsKalo · 01/12/2010 22:56

The teacher is a twat! Complain, complain, complain! We are all behind you. Don't let thus drop, this teacher needs to learn she cannot act like this and needs to be reprimanded so badly - what on earth was she thinking of?! And go to your local paper and even The Sun- they'll love the story. I am so mad at this teacher for you!

stretchmummy · 01/12/2010 23:05

Why does the school take it that seriously...she is seven for heavens sake. I would seriously consider moving your DS. No seven year old needs this kind of pressure for a school play.

Besides, at the risk of sounding really horrible, I would be a bit narked as one of the other parents at having to sit through something that sounds remarkably like a one-child show. i don't want to listen to two solos sung by any seven-year-old unless it is my seven-year-old and even then....

Nope, whole business is totally inappropriate from start to finish. Time to find a new school!

SlightlyJaded · 01/12/2010 23:07

I am Shock Angry and so :( for your DD. I just want to give her a big hug

Brilliant that you and DH are going to the school tomorrow. I agree that it all seems a bit fishy. If they take these things as seriously as they claim, why on earth would they replace a rehearsed, enthusiastic, costumed pupil at short notice Hmm

Also agree with all the posters who have suggested you let them dig their own hole. My personal approach would be?

"As I understand this, your ethos is as follows:

The crime of taking a day of sick in order to prevent a bug from making it's way through the school, outweighs the reward of 100% previous attendance, full rehearsal attendance, lines learned, songs learned costumes bought and made.

So much so that you have seen fit to strip a seven year old of her main current focus, her confidence, her joy and her understanding of commitment, reward and punishment.

Please do correct me if I have misunderstood"

Then let them explain themselves. Nasty bastards.

And don't leave the room until she is back in the lead role and you have received a full apology.

Will be thinking of you. I almost wish I could be by your side in the head's office. I am so outraged on your DDs behalf.

Rosebud05 · 01/12/2010 23:18

I agree with Loopy about not getting into a meeting with Cinders 2's parents. This is about how the school is treating your child, and how they're going to resolve the situation that they have created.

Does sound horrible, though.

No sickness policy and procedure is quite a shocking lack, imho.

DandyLioness · 01/12/2010 23:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingIn · 01/12/2010 23:59

Unbelievable - Absolutely disgraceful.

So what were you supposed to do - send her in ill and pass it around the entire class/cast?

Govenors - forget the meeting with the other parents, this has nothing to do with them and it is not something that needs negotiating.

I am really pleased that you are 100% behind your daughter and incredibly impressed that your DH is equally appalled and is taking action.

They give your daughter HER role back or you call every even semi local newspaper and give them a lovely front page article (they're all fed up of the snow already!!)

New term - new school me thinks!

beijingaling · 02/12/2010 04:06

This is TERRIBLE! Your poor, poor daughter. Please kick the schools arse, remove you DD from said school and go to the papers. Please keep us updated!

mathanxiety · 02/12/2010 04:38

SlightlyJaded has framed it perfectly.

I think it will be most interesting to see if the other child can learn all those lines, songs, etc., not to mention the stage directions, in the event that the production goes ahead with the cast as it now stands.

If she manages to learn the part 'quickly', then this was a done deal.

gorionine · 02/12/2010 06:26

Grumpla OMG that was so scary! I really likes the "almost everything I do has an educational purpose!" bit. Grin

savoycabbage · 02/12/2010 06:43

That is disgusting. Really, disgusting. What awful people to do that. I would definitely remove my child if this had happened to me. She needs to know that it was not the right thing for them to do. The utter bastards.

Do you still have BBC regional news in the UK? My friend was a producer for them a few years back and she would have LOVED this for a story.

piscesmoon · 02/12/2010 07:02

I never understand why people pay huge sums of money for this sort of thing. Move her elsewhere.

lucky1979 · 02/12/2010 07:34

At private school, parents hold a lot of the cards. How many children do you have at the school?

Agree to absolutely no contact with the other girl's parents. It's nothing to do with them, and upsetting them is down to the school - you had nothing to do with it and shouldn't get involved.

c0rns1lk · 02/12/2010 07:39

agree with kungfupanda
If your bosses demoted you 'cos you'd been off sick for a day they'd not have a leg to stand on