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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not tell my friend what her fiance got up to on his stag weekend?

643 replies

BottleOfRum · 01/12/2010 11:38

Best friend is getting married to her partner of 5years. Have always thought they made a lovely couple.

DH, and a number of other mutual male friends went on the stag weekend. DH came home and said that the best man had organised strippers to turn up to the hotel room, and they hancuffed the groom-to-be to the bed, and one of the strippers gave groom-to-be a blow job.

I am absolutely disgusted by this. Mostly disgusted by the behaviour of the best man, who organised it, but also with all the men present, who must have been instrumental in handcuffing their friend to the bed. I can't believe how disrespectful it is to my friend who is getting married to him.

Now, since the groom-to-be was tied up, I don't blame him as much as the others - there is not much he could do apart from protest I would imagine.

If you knew this information, would you tell your best friend? My first thought was that its none of my business, and I wont mention it, but its been playing on my mind since, and I can imagine how hurt she would be with me if she knew I knew and didn't tell her.

OP posts:
Kaloki · 01/12/2010 16:41

classy You really honestly don't think that an STD i anything to be worried about? Hmm Your knowledge really does amaze me.. not in a good way.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/12/2010 16:44

this is your best friend and you are having doubts?

you will be seeing them no doubt as couples - can you face spending time with the groom knowing what you know?

i think you need to talk to the groom and find out what happened

i also think wtf that your dh didnt say anything/try to stop it (if it really happened) and groom isnt bigging himself up in front of mates

tbh who wants mates like that

never understood what goes on at a stag, stays there Xmas Hmm

why marry someone if you are prepared to be unfaithful/have one last fling - that to me isnt marriage/love Xmas Sad

as some said - there are 3 options

groom either was unfaithful

groom was assaulted - but unlikely if he admitted it happened

groom bigged his self up and hasnt got the balls to tell friends nothing happened

tbh all 3 mean groom is a total prat

Malificence · 01/12/2010 16:44

Any of the men who were complicit in this stag night activity should also have their partners informed, only then will they see the harm caused.

KristinaM · 01/12/2010 16:48

what chandon said

LeQueen · 01/12/2010 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

classydiva · 01/12/2010 16:53

An STD is something to be concerned about, however he never physically slept with her did he? It was oral sex and only on her behalf.

What do you tell those that have one night stands every week? Quick get yourself checked for an STD after. What about a new relationship? Do you get your new partner to get checked before you sleep with them, bearing in mind when you sleep with someone you are sleeping with everyone they have?

Or is it just cos she is a prostitute? Who are cleaner than the birds the groom would have met in a night club because they have frequent tests because their employment depends on them being clean.

Get some perspective is all I am saying.

Colourful · 01/12/2010 16:53

If you don't say anything then this group of rather sordid, pathetic men will always talk and joke about it and it will come out eventually. I would hate to be friends with a group of people who knew something so intimate about my dh but were deliberately keeping me in the dark and sniggering about it behind my back.

If you tell her and she decides to go ahead with the marriage then that's up to her but if you don't tell her she's entering into the marriage without all the facts.

Poor her and poor you. It's grim.

Malificence · 01/12/2010 16:55

The fact that the groom is even saying that it happened is reason enough for her to call off the wedding , who the hell would want to marry such a prick?
He sounds like a real prize catch. Hmm

LeQueen · 01/12/2010 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

booyhohoho · 01/12/2010 16:55

classya re you really that dim taht you don't think oral sex can transmit an STD? and of course if someone is having unprotected sex every week then yes they should be getting tested.

bupcakesandcunting · 01/12/2010 16:56

It's a point, LeQueen. I mean in what world does a "stripper" arrive at a hotel to find 29 blokes in a room with stqg tied to the bed qnd BM tells her "nothing is off limits" they all leave and she plumps for giving him a BJ? When did money change hands? Did stag pay her? Or did she go off and find BM to cough up? It's a tall story.

There used to be popular phrase in the 1990s amongst teenagers. Something to do with itchy beards. I sense a MASSIVE itchy beard.

classydiva · 01/12/2010 16:58

If she had thrush or herpes sure he could get an STD just how likely is it? Get some statistics you are way off the mark.

Do you get every man you ever sleep with to take tests before you drop your knickers?

How bizarre.

STD my ass its pathetic. Prostitutes are cleaner than the old bird in a club because, they have to be.

booyhohoho · 01/12/2010 16:58

and yes, before i have unprotected sex with a new partner i insist we both have STD checks. the alternative isn't preferable.

classydiva · 01/12/2010 16:59

LeQueen no idea mate, someone I knew was a masseuse had her own business sending them to peoples houses, she earnt a fortune from the extras.

bupcakesandcunting · 01/12/2010 16:59

"Or is it just cos she is a prostitute? Who are cleaner than the birds the groom would have met in a night club because they have frequent tests because their employment depends on them being clean."

Classy (ahem) I think you've been watching too much Pretty Woman/Secret Diary of a Call Girl.

There are a lot of prostitutes out there who are not scrupulous about sexual hygiene. If my DH had been near a prossie, the first thing I'd do is get myself down the clap clinic.

classydiva · 01/12/2010 17:00

I am 45 years old. I've lived, I have never asked anyone to take any test, Im free from any STD and have never had one.

I might have regrown my hymen in the past few years, but I certainly lived in my teens.

classydiva · 01/12/2010 17:01

Bup

No I knoew someone who ran that kinda business.

When I type on here and put my opinion it is from my experience with others, not cos I am a dreamer.

STD checks, ffs.

LeQueen · 01/12/2010 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

classydiva · 01/12/2010 17:02

Just because I have an opinion that doesn't sit with yours does not mean I am thick or anything else.

Im delightful yeah, stupid, no my degree says otherwise.

Kaloki · 01/12/2010 17:02

classy, stastistics or not. Either she has it or not, so it's basically 50/50. Quite a big risk.

How do we get men to take tests? Dunno classy maybe it's because we are classier than you? And the men we sleep with think we are worth it.

bupcakesandcunting · 01/12/2010 17:04

Degrees don't prove that you have common sense, Classy. My DH has a first in a very specialised subject and works in a very skilled environment. Still has fuck all common sense though, bless him.

Do you see what I'm saying? You have no common sense. Or don't hold STDs in the same contempt as the rest of us.

LeQueen · 01/12/2010 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

booyhohoho · 01/12/2010 17:05

arf at your degree. clearly it was not in sexual health.

LeQueen · 01/12/2010 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bupcakesandcunting · 01/12/2010 17:08

I'd go for the second option, LeQueen. Think about it; it happened the way OP's husband said. He wouldn't be in that much of a rush to tell her, IMO. If he got caught out he'd be all "yeah, nothing to do with me, I wasn't even there"

He got in there first to cover himself.

Sorry OP, I know you didn't come on here doubting your DH but something smells fishy and I've had a bath today so it ain't me.