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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not tell my friend what her fiance got up to on his stag weekend?

643 replies

BottleOfRum · 01/12/2010 11:38

Best friend is getting married to her partner of 5years. Have always thought they made a lovely couple.

DH, and a number of other mutual male friends went on the stag weekend. DH came home and said that the best man had organised strippers to turn up to the hotel room, and they hancuffed the groom-to-be to the bed, and one of the strippers gave groom-to-be a blow job.

I am absolutely disgusted by this. Mostly disgusted by the behaviour of the best man, who organised it, but also with all the men present, who must have been instrumental in handcuffing their friend to the bed. I can't believe how disrespectful it is to my friend who is getting married to him.

Now, since the groom-to-be was tied up, I don't blame him as much as the others - there is not much he could do apart from protest I would imagine.

If you knew this information, would you tell your best friend? My first thought was that its none of my business, and I wont mention it, but its been playing on my mind since, and I can imagine how hurt she would be with me if she knew I knew and didn't tell her.

OP posts:
ccpccp · 01/12/2010 15:03

11 pages and I'm not going to read them all.

OP - your DH was out of line spilling the beans about a stag do and if anyone is to blame for your predicament it is him.

The best man organised the strippers, not the groom. Next day the groom was probably mortified.

Im sure if you tell your DH what you are going to do, there will be fireworks. He didnt tell you so you could tell the bride - he told his wife a secret in confidence.

Oh, and on a final note - the messenger is always blamed, particularly if she is an interfering busybody.

bupcakesandcunting · 01/12/2010 15:05

I am a total chicken so I would send her an anonymous note/email telling her that her husband was a naughty man on his stag do.

Where has ClassyDick or whatever her name is gone to? Id she holding a liberated orgy in her dining room whilst I am here trying to sieve this fucking gravy?

sheeplikessleep · 01/12/2010 15:06

I would tell best friend. It is a case of damned either way, and totally risks the friendship, but I'd be so racked with guilt and I would want to know if it was me. It would play on my mind for years if I said nothing.
What a crap situation. I would probably talk to her DH first though maybe and try to gauge from his reaction and encourage him to tell her.
Sorry you are in this position.

Unrulysun · 01/12/2010 15:09

Surely you have to tell her? There's another layer boeyond the betrayal which is about how this group of men treat women which is truly vile. Angry

booyhohoho · 01/12/2010 15:09

anonymous letter would be far too easy for her DF to brush off as shit stirring. happened to the wife of one of EXp's friends. she turned up at EXp's in tears demanding to know what the letter was about (EXP didn't send it, they never found out who did) EXP (twat) denied all knowledge of an affair so she asked her 'D'H who said it was just someone trying to cause trouble. but EXP later told me he was cheating left right and centre on her.

sheeplikessleep · 01/12/2010 15:09

ccpccp - are you insinuating that the op is an interfering busybody?

i also think that a bloke, even if tied up, could tell the woman to get off. i don't believe a woman would continue if the bloke was really and seriously telling her to leave him alone.

bupcakesandcunting · 01/12/2010 15:11

Then telling the GTB that you know is the only way to go. Perhaps he might enlighten you that he was lying to save face (twat) or that he was very, very drunk and is feeling regretful and mortified (still twat).

fruitstick · 01/12/2010 15:13

Also, if this is a burgeoning friendship between her DP and your DH, it is going to be non-existent if you tell her, whatever happens.

Your DH will be forever 'the one nobody knew on the stag who told his wife everything'

I'm not seeing you really have to take that into account but that's what will happen.

snugglepops · 01/12/2010 15:15

I'd be disgusted if my DH watched a stripper give someone who was to be married a blow job for one. That would completely freak me out. Actually it would gross me out if one of his friends employed strippers and other friends colluded.

How gross is that?

My DH told all his mates that he did not want any shit like you have outlined so it was a night out with his mates.

I think the bride to be ought to know.

And you don't blame the groom-to-be - what are claiming he was falsley imprisoned?

bupcakesandcunting · 01/12/2010 15:15

There are physical reasons for why a woman couldn't continue giving a man a blowie of he wasn't interested. So he has either cheated or been assaulted.

I know which one I'd bet my last fiver on.

mjinsparklystockings · 01/12/2010 15:15

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Message withdrawn

booyhohoho · 01/12/2010 15:15

fruitstick tbh i would happy that my DH wasn't really welcomed into the bussom of that man's group of friends.

booyhohoho · 01/12/2010 15:17

ffs, how do you spell bussum? bossom?

fruitstick · 01/12/2010 15:17

me neither, but the OP wants them to do more together as couples. That won't happen if she tells her friend. Her DH will be blamed and the GTB is hardly likely to agree to have him round for dinner once a week.

I'm not saying it's right, I'm merely stating what will happen (so the OP can make an informed choice)

bupcakesandcunting · 01/12/2010 15:18

BOSOM
Grin

booyhohoho · 01/12/2010 15:18

cheers. Grin

LeQueen · 01/12/2010 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fruitstick · 01/12/2010 15:20

I want friends who work in Vice!

snugglepops · 01/12/2010 15:20

I want to know what the op said or is going to do about her DH being there and watching/and or knowing that a sex act was going to take place??

mjinsparklystockings · 01/12/2010 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LeQueen · 01/12/2010 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully · 01/12/2010 15:21

I wondered earlier on LeQ.

But it's still an interesting scenario

mjinsparklystockings · 01/12/2010 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChippingIn · 01/12/2010 15:24

ccpccp comes out with all kinds of crap - best to just ignore it really.

The problem with telling GTB that you know and for him to tell her, is that you don't know what he will tell her? I think you are better to do it yourself in the way that I and others have said - tell her you have heard things about the stag-do that are really not nice and does she want you to tell her.

Can you imagine how she will feel, when this comes out (it will come out - that many men and half their partners knowing - it will come out - maybe when they are drunk at the wedding?!) ... what if she asks you if you knew?? Will you lie to her? If not, do you think she will forgive you for knowing and not telling her before the wedding?

classydiva · 01/12/2010 15:24

I think stuff like this happens all the time on stag doo's. Generally you don't hear about it though.

I wouldn't want to be the one to tell the bride to be.

Not nice.

Used to be they were stripped and hand cuffed to lamp posts. How times change!

Oh and I have no dick I'm a chick.