Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

childish curiosity or abuse-may be upsetting for some

99 replies

snowplough · 30/11/2010 22:10

I don't really know where to post this but I want some sensible advice.Also don't want to go into too many details which anyone could identify (have name changed fairly recently)

Would you consider a 12 year old boy taking a 7 yr old girl somewhere secluded and putting his hand in her pants and her hand in his, to be normal childish curiosity or something more sinister?

I need urgent advice please

OP posts:
Suckmybaubles · 30/11/2010 22:14

I'd be a little worried, if it was someone of his own age, then not so much.

Niceguy2 · 30/11/2010 22:14

Shock Don't think you will find the answer to that on an Internet forum, let alone MN!

This is not something which can be judged by a bunch of people with way too much time on their hands.

Should be judged by people who know the boy and the appropriate professionals.

PaisleyLeaf · 30/11/2010 22:15

You might find this thread interesting and useful to you.

  • you can ask professionals advice on on how serious it is.
TimothyTigerTuppennyTail · 30/11/2010 22:17

I think 12 is a little too old for it to be 'normal childish curiosity'. However I would hesitate to refer to it as 'sinister'.

Not that that helps.

curlymama · 30/11/2010 22:17

Something is definately not right with that situation. A child of 12 knows that is wrong. It's abuse whichever way you want to look at it, although you have to wonder what would make a 12yo do that.

Go to the NSPCC website and call them.

SparkleSoiree · 30/11/2010 22:18

Agree with Paisleyleaf.

signet · 30/11/2010 22:21

I'd be very concerned. A 12 yr old knows that this is completely wrong. The fact that he took a 7 yr old somewhere secluded (presumably he knew it was wrong and didn't want anyone to therefore find out?) speaks volumes to me. Please speak to someone like the NSPCC and ask their advice on how to deal with this.

ShanahansRevenge · 30/11/2010 22:22

Yes...ask the NSPCC or you will find this thread becoming a hotbed of angry people arguing among themselves. The NSPCC will talk to you if you want with no pressure.

Original poster
snowplough · 30/11/2010 22:24

Ok well after DD has just disclosed that a neighbour's child did this to her several times 2 years ago (I know it was 2 years ago because she could describe something else that was going on at the time)
She is now 9 and he is 14 and has just tried it again but DD being older now told him 'no'
I just really really don't know what to do and I feel I have failed her by not noticing anything happening.The boy in question has 4 oolder siblings so I guess maybe grew up quick.I am just in shock I can't think straight.

OP posts:
momentsintime · 30/11/2010 22:25

That is definitely an inappropriate situation. It needs to be dealt with immediately - the 12 year old is mature enough to understand what he is doing, the 7 year old child is not. She needs to be protected from this, he needs to understand how & why his actions are inappropriate.
This could quickly turn into something much more serious for the little girl if he has the opportunity to gain continued private access to her. ( brother, cousin, neighbour?)
Am speaking unfortunately from experience of similar situation- doesn't mean he's a bad kid necessarily but he does need to be talked to/dealt with. In few years time he'll be old enough to be trusted to babysit other younger siblings/friends etc so this kind of thing needs to be nipped in the bud now.

whysolate · 30/11/2010 22:27

Hi Snowplough. A very sensitive subject. IMO I feel the 12 year old boy would know this isn't acceptable behaviour, especially as he took her somewhere secluded.

I certainly would be very concerned about it. It definitely isn't something I would take lightly.

Littlefish · 30/11/2010 22:30

I think you should phone the NSPCC and talk to them about it.

They may well suggest that you phone social services.

Please do not ignore what she is telling you. The fact that he has done it again means that you absolutely have to take action. Make the phone calls. Do not speak to his parents first. Do not ask your dd any more questions.

magnolia74 · 30/11/2010 22:30

So he is now 14 and tried again??

Sorry thats not right and needs to be dealt with now Sad

faverolles · 30/11/2010 22:30

The age gap for me says that this isn't right.
Like someone said before, same age, I'd put it down to natural curiosity.
A 12 yo boy should know that this is not appropriate, and did I read right that he's tried it again aged 14? That's definitely not right, but good on your dd for standing up to him.
Agree with the others to ring the nspcc and get real advice from real people.
(these threads on mm have a habit of kicking off)

classydiva · 30/11/2010 22:30

A 12 year old is considered to know what they are doing. They know right from wrong.

And it is wrong.

VERY wrong.

Littlefish · 30/11/2010 22:31

Sorry - that sounds really harsh. I was just trying to type quickly.

In my opinion, a 12 year old would know that it was inappropriate, and a 14 year old would definitely know. This is why I feel that you need to speak to professionals about it.

classydiva · 30/11/2010 22:32

And now he is 14 and she is 9.

Then you report it to the police.

booyhoo · 30/11/2010 22:32

OP this happened to me at a very similar age. i consider it abuse.

scallopsrgreat · 30/11/2010 22:34

Call the NSPCC now!

FreudianFoxSquishedByAPouffe · 30/11/2010 22:34

Oh dear how does your DD feel about it now? She's done well telling you and saying no, I hope she knows you're proud of her for that.

You need to tell DD that you'll have to tell somebody what he did, if nothing else to prevent it happening to someone else.

AnyFucker · 30/11/2010 22:36

Please get some RL advice. Phone NSPCC.

momentsintime · 30/11/2010 22:37

This boy needs some help now. Paedophiles & sexual predators don't turn up fully grown at 40 and start abusing children, it starts much younger, usually in their formative years. Often cos of their own experiences. He's now 14 trying to take advantage of a prepubescent child. You'll be doing him a favor by reporting this. Call the NSPCC for confidential advice if you feel you can't talk to his family or are worried about calling Social Services.

Original poster
snowplough · 30/11/2010 22:37

That's just it ,What if the police get involved, I don't want her to be questioned by strangers about it.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 30/11/2010 22:37

You need to call Social Services. This is not natural behaviour and the boy concerned may also be a victim.

Plenty of people may start saying involving Social Services is an over reaction and just to have a word with the mother but you know you must protect your child.

humanoctopus · 30/11/2010 22:38

Time to get active on this - do not allow any unsupervised contact between your daughter and this boy.

He is acting inappropriately at the very least.

He clearly is attempting to get sexual satisfaction from contact with your daughter and it will escalate, if not with her, then with some other child.

Contact the social worker who deals with child protection in your area. If you don't then this will continue on to a very serious level.

I fear that your daughter may not be the only one to have such an experience with this boy, its my experience that young boys with this sort of inappropriate behaviour seek gratification from more than one person.

I am so impressed that your daughter could communicate these episodes to you, well done.

I really wouldn't bother with the NSPCC, nothing against them, but very specific defined episodes have occured and your daughter deserves for you to do the right thing, ie, contact social services.