WOW - just lost it big style and couldn't care less who thinks IABU!!

[changingchangingonetwo]

Long term poster - nice ham, red rug, dizzymare, Shiney's penguin date etc etc - name changed

Back story - this week has probably been the most stressful week of my career, with today being the pinnacle of that stress. DH has been aware of this. Moderately supportive but been relying on parents for most support and helpful advice.

I usually cook but if I don't get home "in time", then DH will cook. For himself. Beans or similar. Never bothers to text to ask if want anything. This is a massive bone of contention in itself as I think it is completely fucking selfish as I work much longer hours in any event.

As with the rest of the country, we have snow. I left work at 6:50pm after The World's Worst Day (tm). Went via supermarket as thought I would get something nice for us. Fall over on ice. Bang head badly. Arrive home. DH on phone to his mother. He breaks from his call long enough to advise that he has already eaten so no need to cook for him. Removes himself from my vicinity to continue inconsequential chat with his mother. Has not bothered to text or call to ask where I am/what is happening for food/how was today. Nothing.

I have completely lost it. I have never felt like this before in my life. The red mist I have heard of has descended.

I have pulled everything out of the packages which I bought and thrown in the bin. I have literally ripped of my work clothes which are now unwearable - I couldn't give a fuck. I just managed to restrain myself from trashing the kitchen.

I have barricaded myself in the spare room with the chest of drawers. It is all I can do to restrain myself from physically attacking H. I have NEVER felt anger like this before which is actually quite scary. Prior to tonight, I have NEVER even considered hitting someone. I actually could take a baseball bat to his car (his pride and joy).

I had thought that I might calm down when posting but it has actually made me even more angry.

I don't actually know why I am posting.

Please, please, please get your banged head checked out.

Can you text your DH from behind the barricade and tell him that you have banged your head and need to speak to a doctor?

Please don't open the door until you have calmed down unless an ambulance crew are there.

As for stress, do you have any Bach's rescue remedy or camomile tea? If not try to fit picking some up into your busy schedule. It may help a bit.

Can you write down for your DH how you need support and not further hassle when you get home?

Can you explain to him on paper how annoying it is when he just looks after himself and doesn't work as part of the team?

Everyone loses it now and again. You have done the right thing by shutting yourself off from him but he needs to know you are hurt.

I am also scared you pass out and he can't get to you with the door barricaded. Can you phone a good friend to come round and look after you?

I'm sorry but I have to confess, I've done this sort of thing in the past, but then been highly ashamed of myself. This behaviour is wrong. Basically you threw a massive tantrum. Your DH does sound selfish and he needs to address that, but he couldn't have known you'd been hurt.

If my DH came in from work in that state I would be very worried about him and desperate to know what had caused it. I certainly wouldn't be swearing at him from downstairs or thinking about leaving him.

And as a fully paid-up member of the lhb I would advise any upset wife with a dh acting in this way (when entirely out of character) to try to get him to calm down and figure out what was wrong.

Humans are allowed to freak out sometimes.

windward - it doesn't say anywhere in the OP that she smashed things up - in fact she makes a point of saying she restrained herself from trashing the kitchen.

If a man threw his own dinner in the bin and ripped his own clothes I certainly don't think the calls of leave him would be that loud - not from me anyway. I'd be more likely to say it counds like he has had a terrible day maybe knock and see if he is OK?

Sounds as if staying away is a good option, although I'm more the type who needs to have it out otherwise I can't sleep.

Oh, and you can't tm 'The Worst Day' as I have the trademark already

And try and eat something. Maybe not the stuff in the bin, but adrenaline keeps you going, but your body may crash after the shock subsides.

OP ripped her own clothes. threw her own food away and locked herself in a room. in no way has she acted agressively towards her DH. she has actively prevented herself from lashing out at him. she is letting ehrtemper cool off. no doubt she will be calm in teh morning and ready to talk. shame on her DH for not coming to ask her what teh hell was wrong and if he coudl do anything to make her feel better.

IME bangs on the head which DONT result in a lump but have a proper bump are most dangerous as the swelling can go inwards. we nearly lost ds to one of those bumps the other summer.

EVEN if you only send him a text saying I have had a nasty bang to the head on the way home and i need checking on due to the head injury. hHe needs to know. Otherwise you need to go spend the night at a friends house or something. Just so that you can be checked on properally.

If you're in shock OP you really shouldn't be alone. Isn't there anyone who can keep you company and give some TLC?

Also: no booze

"I assumed you were posting in your usual role as "professional male victim"."

You do know I'm not a man don't you?

Anyway, this looks like boils down to two issues:

1. The OPs DH actually realising that he lives as part of a couple and not in a flat share. He certainly needs to put a bit more thought in to the relationship and once the dust settles if this were me there would be a conversation explaining this and future expectations in detail.

1. The OPs behaviour is simply not acceptable. A concussion might excuse this as a one off but this kind of behaviour isn't healthy and isn't a reasonable.

And I'm sure it's already been said but alcohol probably isn't a good idea at the moment.

Noted Ilovemydog

I have told DH - the selfish twunt (and that is trade marked for him!) about my head - and he will come and check.

He is health care professional so it would be rather embarassing for him if I died.

Sorry - I didn't mention this before. Not drip feeding info. I honestly wasn't thinking straight and had no intention of speaking to him anyway.

has anyone actually said that what she did was "acceptable" windward?

or have they just been giving advice on dealing with head injury and getting her lazy arse of a husband to help out now and then?

I would seriously get the head injury checked out, a friend of mine had something similar happen, thought she was OK and ended up with something called post-concussion symdrome, turns out she'd cracked her skull. Not trying to alarm you, OP, but please go to A&E. If you can't go now, go in the morning, but get someone to sleep monitor you. If DH is the only one available, so be it.

And BTW, he is being a selfish so-and-so and once you are better you should sit down with him and tell him that things have to change.

I really don't think the OP's behaviour is unacceptable. She threw her own dinner in the bin and ripped her own clothes. She didn't even call her selfish, lazy prick of a husband any rude names, let alone push him, slap him or throw anything at him. She exercised self control in not turning that rage on her husband, despite the intensity of her anger.
ANd his reaction is to verbally abuse her? I think his behaviour far more unacceptable.

I neither know, nor care your gender windward. You just keep posting as the hypothetical aggrieved male in a variety of scenarios.

I have no idea what prompts you to do so, can't say I care either.

Coming and checking? I'd really be happier if you had someone with you, not just an angry husband making occasional checks.

Not that I matter in the least, but I am worried about you.

Is he less cross now he knows you banged your head?

Could you stand to press the pause button on your rage just for this evening?

SGB - that is one of my major problems and why I lost it tonight.

DH works on the basis that the best form of defence is offence in the first instance in certain circumstances.

So, the last thing I wanted to do when I came in was to talk to him.

He did to be fair, ask me what was wrong. However, I asked him to leave me alone and have a think about it and hence the reaction.

Windward I feel your posts are an unhelpful hijack and inapproriate to this particular thread.

OP well done for making your dh aware of your head injury. Your dh has been thoughtless and self centred about food so you are right to want to address this and also in recognising that tonight is not the right time. Hope you get a good nights sleep.

spidookly - you are right but I just don't want to be near him tonight.

I know I need to be sensible though and I will be. It just is the worst luck that the time I really want to be alone, I have to sit downstairs with him

bbf, you are right to defend our lovely OP, now indeed is not the time for gender navel gazing.

Windward, you do have a point, but right now it's not a great idea. When we know the Op is fit, well and safe, then we can dissect the issues you raise.

What matters now is that one of us needs help, one of us is in a crisis and needs support.

We are all there for her. Join us.