to want to stop sending christmas presents to my step-sisters children, as she takes the labels off

[NappyShedSal]

My step sister tells her children that all christmas presents come from Father Christmas. So she takes off any labels that are attached to the presents so that the children don't know they have come from someone else. She lives abroad so I have to post the presents, otherwise I'd hand them to the children themselves. Now, I know that it's her family's tradition. But a little bit of me feels like not bothering to get nice presents as the children don't know that I've gone to the effort.

YANBU. Part of the point of sending presents is keeping the link, so the children know who you are, and that you're thinking of them.

If it was me I'd send a small token present that your SS can add to the Santa pile, and then start sending happy new year presents from you to the DCs. A bit unconventional, but why not?!

I agree. If you want to keep the link up and let them know you're thinking of them why not send little notes throughout the year? And at Christmas I would just be glad that you know they will be having fun with something you've picked out for them.

YANBU at all. Very rude of your stepsister to demand that other peoples' presents come from FC - and take labels off, FFS. If she wants to pretend all parental presents come by magic, that's one thing, she shouldn't impose that on other people.

Those who think it's about getting the credit are plain wrong. It's about letting children know you are thinking of them and care about them and have made an effort for them.

Like the idea of sending books with notes inside, btw. That'll expose her mean trick!

You could get something engraved or one of the personalized books from ID something website where it gets written in front of book who it is from. Or a normal book and write nice message in front and wrap it.

Then the labels can not be taken off.

I honestly dont see the problem!

You give a gift because you want the receiver to have that gift, not so get credit for it! What she does with them once they are in the house is up to her, and it will also be her dealing with when her kids figure out the whole Santa thing.

Dont stop sending gifts to the children just because you disagree with their mother!

Like the idea of sending books with notes inside, btw. That'll expose her mean trick!

Who's being mean?! You are talking about exposing to them the truth behind something that have believed in since they have known about Xmas, on Xmas morning itself, and you say it is a mean trick of the mothers?!

I cant believe how horrible and shortsighted people are being. What about what the children believe? Bringing their understanding of Father Christmas crashing down on Xmas morning is downright cruel and nasty. I am sure plenty of you would have something to say if a family member told your children that FC wasnt real because they thought your children should know! And this is no different.

I am sure they can explain why Santa got the present engraved by relatives to make it extra special for them then wrapped and brought it to the house.

Or NappyShedSal can just get something for whole family at Christmas and bother more with the birthdays.

It is more to do with Op feeling that that the link she is is trying to maintain is being ignored in favor of a tradition she does not share.

It is NOT about credit!

I have no idea why this is so difficult to understand!

It is about somebody who does not get to see their nieces and nephews - because they live overseas - being allowed to let them know that they care and think about them.

Plenty of people have suggested notes inside FROM Santa Claus explaining that the relative asked them to pick/choose particular gift, and other ways to go with the tradition and keep both sides happy.

It's not the same as jumping up on Christmas morning and saying HA Santa didn't get this for you I did! Now write me a thank you note now. Which some of you seem to think it is.

It is obviously about the credit.
Christmas is not the day in the year when we can express our love for relatives near or far. As the children don't get presents from anyone exept FC they won't be questioning why Auntie NappyShedSal hasn't shown she cares through the medium of a gift.

Have you lived overseas from your relatives?

Do you actually know how much that sucks, and how much every little thing is appreciated?

Because I did all through my childhood, and I still look back and am so grateful for those parcels.

Do you think every single child at school with them also ONLY gets gifts from FC? Of perhaps they might talk at school about gifts they got from other relatives, and wonder why they haven't got any?

But this isnt about what you agree with or what other children believe. These children DO believe that everything comes from FC and whether another relative agrees with that tradition or not, they have no right to undermine it for their own reasons!

Putting a note in saying "X asked me to get this for you love Santa" does not undermine their traditions.

Even if it did, having some nice traditions means bugger all compared to knowing your family care about you as a child.

I would have been devastated if my parents had rewrapped/delabeled everything and said it came from Santa. I wouldn't have said anything, because I was polite. But I would have been really upset that not only did I not get to see my relatives but apparently they didn't even think enough of me to send a gift, when all of my friends got to visit or get gifts from their relatives at Christmas the major family holiday of the year.

I have said several times that, as far as I am concerned, it is NOT about the credit. Why do people think that I am lying about this? Why is it so much easier to believe that I only give gifts for my own gratification??

But you are projecting your own feelings onto the situation, and rubbishing their traditions because you wouldnt have liked it as a child. And without having that experience you cant actually say for sure that you wouldnt have liked it, you can only base your opinion on what you do know.

To ignore or even destroy a tradition within a family to make oneself feel better is cruel and downright selfish.

but surely you send them gifts and cards throughout the year so they know you care? if christmas is the only time you get in touch then i think that is only down to you if the children don't think you care. families have their traditions and if this particular family choose to tell their dcs that santa brings all the presents then that is up to them. choosing to send a gift or not shouldn't be based on whether teh child knows it is from you. it should be based on whether you think the child will like the gift. there are plenty of oportunities throughout the year to let the child know you are thinking of them. you can also send a card at xmas and ring on xmas day to talk to them all without sabotaging their xmas.

So if it's not about the crdit, what is it about?

And having all the presents from Santa does not mean that your family doesn't think about you. That's just silly..

StayingDavidTennantsGirl No one called you a liar, but in giving gifts we accept that once they are given they are out of our control, whether that means them being binned, re-gifted or labelled "from Santa". If a person insists on undermining another families tradition then it does automatically call into question their motives.

booyhohoho Totally agree

OP do you have children? If you do how would you like it if your step sister forced her traditions on your children and said that relatives hadn't got them anything and it was all from Santa - because that is basically what you want to do to her - force her to do it the way you think is right. If she respects your way of doing things with your children then I don't think it is your place to basically tell her kids they are being lied to. Especially when it will mean potentially upsetting them on Christmas day.
The kids might love the magic of all the presents appearing overnight.
Is Christmas the only time you keep in touch? Why don't you call/write/email them at other times of the year to let them know you're thinking of them?

I think it's much more special - in the long run - to know that you have relatives abroad who send you presents than that you get yet another present from Santa.

The child will think that they don't get presents from their family abroad if they don't actually appear to get any presents from them.

I think it's controlling of the SS tbh. I'm aware that I have some control-freak tendencies sometimes. Part of being a mum for me has been to accept that other people have a their own relationship with my DS, and that (within reason) I need to let those relationships happen in their own way. That has meant letting go of some of my own traditions. Present giving - and my own Christmas traditions - being exactly one of those things!

The SS is denying her DCs one part of a special bond with their aunty. I know it's only a present, but that's what DCs understand.

actually, sending thank you letters isn't a UNIVERSAL British tradition.
I never did as a child, and none of my nieces or nephews have ever done so - we say thank you in person if we see them.

How is the SS denying the kids a bond with their aunty? Is a bond dependant on a gift once a year these days? They'd have a much better bond if the OP communicated with them throughout the year surely?

"The child will think that they don't get presents from their family abroad if they don't actually appear to get any presents from them."
No they won't, because they do not expect presents from relatives at christmas!