to want to stop sending christmas presents to my step-sisters children, as she takes the labels off

[NappyShedSal]

My step sister tells her children that all christmas presents come from Father Christmas. So she takes off any labels that are attached to the presents so that the children don't know they have come from someone else. She lives abroad so I have to post the presents, otherwise I'd hand them to the children themselves. Now, I know that it's her family's tradition. But a little bit of me feels like not bothering to get nice presents as the children don't know that I've gone to the effort.

Have stopped sending step-sister's children gifts after I found out she was throwing them all away unopened. Don't really know why, some feud with her dad I know nothing about.

We live elsewhere, last time we were in her home town we got on fine and she's never written and is not on email, so no clues there.

Family is weird.

If I were you I'd send gifts and postcards little and often throughout the year when she won't be doing the Santa thing.

I really find it hurtful that there are people who think that I would only give a present to a child in order to get that child's gratitude. For me, a present, whether to my own children or to someone else's, demonstrates how I feel about that child. It shows them that I have thought about them, tried to find something I think they will enjoy - it is a message from me to that child (or, indeed, adult) to tell them I care aobut them.

Just because I would not be happy for a gift I had chosen and wrapped for a child to be 'relabelled' as coming from Santa, does not make me a materialistic or shallow person, who is only giving gifts for the pleasure of basking in gratitude.

Frankly, I find that an offensive and nasty assertion.

I like the idea that was suggested, that you make something crafty, that is personal!

surely you buy presents for the children's pleasure and not so you get credit. why does it matter that they don't know who it's from? they'd probably forget as soon as it's opened anyway.

This is the reason I write on the wrapping paper!

She sounds like she is really upset by this thread.

OP, I can see both sides of the story, don't get so upset.

some lovely creative roles in these nativity plays! Hilarious. Love the "alien" for instance. lol

eek wrong thread, sorry

Booyhohoho - as I said, it is not about me wanting credit for buying the gift, and I find that an offensive assertion. Why must my motives be base and selfish, just because I want a child to know that I thought about them and chose a gift that I thought they'd enjoy? Is it wrong for me to want that child to know that I care for them and want them to have something that will make them happy?

StayingDavidTennantsGirl, I can see both sides.

SDTG i have no problem with you wanting a child to know you care about them but surely if all their presents are from 'santa' then they wouldn't be wondering why did SDTG not give me a present because no-one (family) would have gotten them one. children know you care about them without presents needing to be involved. i don't buy my dcs presents that they know about, but tehy know i care about them. i do think this is more about the giver than the receiver tbh.

Clearly we do things differently, booyhohoho - but why does that mean that my present giving has to be more about me than the recipient? You obviously think I am lying when I tell you that it is not about me when I buy someone a gift, and think I am therefore shallow and materialistic and not selfless like you.

Can you not see how offensive and hurtful that is?

My children wouldnt know who got them what, they open their presents, and dont hang about reading labels
If your sister wants to do it that way its up to her, when the children get old enough, to understand about santa, they will understand.

I dont like the idea of a big red man taking credit for all the hard work me and my husband have go to, to get our DC their presents, but I have too.

Sad, you want recognition for the presents.

SDTG, can you see others point of view? I can see both sides.

I can see your point.

All the presents 'I' buy come from Santa.

But ds knows that gran, aunts etc buy him presents seperately and that we buy them some presents.

It wouldn't especially bother me if my nieces didn't know what i'd got them (they're too busy frantically ripping paper), as my brother and his wife do and they thank me.

Ds doesn't give a toss who there from, he's 5, just rips the paper off, its me that quickly grabs it to see the label so I can thank them.

I wouldn't get too het up about it, as long as the kids enjoy themselves thats what its all about.

the fact that you are finding that offensive tells me that yes it i more about you. sorry. my intention isn't to offend.

why is it so important for teh child to know that a specific present is from you? if all the labels were taken off but teh parents told the children, "these gifts are from your relatives" but didn't tell them which present was from which relative would you be ok with that? the chidlren will get to a point where they no longer believe in santa and will twig on that the gifts were from family instead. and again, children know who cares about them. as a child i got gifts from some family that i knew didn't like me, and they only bought gifts to keep the peace. the gift didn't make me think they cared. i knew who cared about me.

Mum2HarryandBen - yes, I can see others points of view, and if that is what they are all happy doing, that's fine.

I hate this attitude that someone who does things differently from you must be a bad person, as booyhohoho clearly thinks I am. Apparently I only give gifts to satisfy myself - of course there is no way I could be a decent person who buys gifts thinking only of the recipient.

Put a not inside the gift, under the wrapping paper

oh fgs SDTG, i do not think you are a bad person. grow up.

When I was little all presents from Mums side of the family came from Father Christmas, and all ones from Dads side were opened after Christmas dinner. I didn't get any presents from Mum and Dad until my little Sister stopped beleiving in FC.

My DC don't get any presents from DH and I apart from new PJ's and a DVD on Christmas eve. Family presents get opened either as and when we see them over Christmas or after dinner if we are not seeing them.

I think OP sounds a bit mean not wanting to get them a nice gift just because she isn't getting the credit.

The fact that this relative's are abroad is really important in this particular case.

She doesn't get to see them through the year. When your family live abroad (my entire extended family lived abroad so I understand this very well) who does and doesn't send you cards and presents at Christmas is really significant. When you never get to see your aunts and uncles and grandparents knowing that they care about you and have thought specifically about what gift you might like is really special. My sister and I were always so excited when packages came in the mail and looked forward to opening them the most.

Those of you who think it's more important that DC believe in a fake fat man that brings present than that their relatives abroad do care and think about them have got their priorities totally messed up.

I do agree with your last point, notso. Even though I don't agree with all presents coming from santa, there's no way I'd refuse to send a present, and penalise a child for the parents' decision.

Booyhohoho - why is it immature of me to find it offensive that you think I only give gifts for my own gratification? Or to feel that you are looking down on me because it is my preference that my gifts come from me not Santa?

We dont have labels in this house on presents, because I wrap them in specific paper, one paper for one kid, one for another, besides as they are 22 and 17 they know that their Mum is the only person who buys them things.

stop trying to bait me SDTG. i don't look down on you, i don't think you are a bad person. i think this - "someone who does things differently from you must be a bad person, as booyhohoho clearly thinks I am" makes you look immature.