to want to stop sending christmas presents to my step-sisters children, as she takes the labels off

[NappyShedSal]

My step sister tells her children that all christmas presents come from Father Christmas. So she takes off any labels that are attached to the presents so that the children don't know they have come from someone else. She lives abroad so I have to post the presents, otherwise I'd hand them to the children themselves. Now, I know that it's her family's tradition. But a little bit of me feels like not bothering to get nice presents as the children don't know that I've gone to the effort.

"Why does it matter that the kids know who bought what? Make them happy is what is important. I find it very materialistic and consumerist for the kids to have to know who bought what."

COMPLETELY disagree with you, if that wasn't already obvious

They only believe in Santa for a few years. They will have plenty of time to know who bought what. Why can we not protect this little bit of innocence?
I grew up with this tradition. I really think it's cultural.

Maternelle - cultural by region/country/what do you think? (am interested, not critical)

DH grew up with entirely different traditions to me and we both come from straightforwardly "English" families (albeit very different ones) - the traditions we have now are largely from my childhood because I do them it doesn't bother him, though.

DH is a brit but I am from France.

And my traditions tend to win too

So is it an established cultural tradition for France then Maternelle, that all presents are from Pere Noel?

Because it doesn't look as if it is cultural for the places that many of the MNers on this thread come from.

I find that strange. We were abroad and told my dd that FatherChrsitmas brought the gifts that mysteriously appeared under the tree but if parcels arrived by post , she knew who they were from and they were placed under the tree ready for Christmas Day. So she always thought some kind from Father Chrismtas, some from aunts/uncles/godparents/grandparents (not always such a huge amount as that sounds but you getthe picture).

I think it's the opposite of materialism to be aware that family bought you things!

Having someone to be thankful too reminds us that stuff costs money. Instead of being treats we get for no effort and for no special reason.

I agree with having to dive to catch labels though!

Ah, Maternelle, I am French to and used to do exactly as you do! I would just thank the relatives myself for the presents.

Things just evolved as dd grew up and realised people bought presents, not just Father Christmas. I don't think dd has ever cared who bought her the biggest present, she now knows her family buys her presents and is grateful to all of us as a group without distinction of who gave her the best present.

This might be a cultural thing, in my husband's country, Father Christmas (or whatever he's called) comes on Christmas Eve and they open all the presents from him that evening, that's their big day. My English family were very resistant to this and very upset their presents weren't acknowledged, and it was quite difficult the first couple of years. Now we don't write on our own presents which are often given alongside the stockings, but the children do get presents labelled from under the Christmas tree in the afternoon. It is a tricky one.

*too

also, I meant I would thank relatives myself on dd's behalf as when she was small all presents came from FC.

Need coffee.

MAternelle - does that mean your DCs don't send thank you cards or call family in Britian to say thank you for their gifts? Just so you know, culturally, your DH's British family will think you are raising rude DCs, even if they don't say it to your face. If you don't already, I suggest you at least note who bought what and send thank you cards on behalf of your DCs...

Surely what matters here is the effect on the DCs? Yes, I do see your point OP, I'd probably be a bit miffed. However, you can't give gifts and then try and control how they are used.. you're better off sending a thoughtfully written-out card to all and no presents if this whole thing upsets you, and make tremendous fuss on the children's birthdays instead.

Children often get stacks of stuff at Christmas, they are unlikely to miss yours if you decide not to send! Either that or send one nice present for the whole family (e.g. a family game/picture/poster/photoboard etc). Therefore just as much effort but less expense (and probably less resentment on your part). That'd fox her.. and she would have no right to get narky, you've still marked the occasion!

FakePlasticTrees - I htink that's rather harsh - if the family know that the children believe all presents are from Father Christmas then they won't think that they are being rude to not send thank you letters.

YANBU to object to this. It's not going to stop your step-sister's kids believing in Santa if they know that their relatives give presents to them as well. And it can be lovely to know that a fond friend or relative whom you rarely see has thought of you and sent a present. My dds, even as toddlers, would remember which friend or relative had given them a particular toy and even months later when playing with the toy mention "Aunty X gave me this."

IMO kids who think EVERYTHING comes from Santa are missing out on important aspects of gift giving and receiving: choosing presents, knowing that people who care about you have taken trouble to choose things for you and saying thank you to people(even if if the present isn't quite what you wanted!).

How old are these children? And what happens when they see adults opening presents? If they know that adults give presents to each other, or do they think that presents for adults come from Santa too?

yanbu
I wouldn't bother sending them, if the parents want to play games let them buy the presenst

I think when you have two traditions to choose from picking the one that is quite nice for the kids, but really rude for half the family is pretty selfish.

My opinion is also that the kids lose out for all the reasons given.

YANBU
we have the same 'issue' with in-laws (although not to same extreme).
in ours, santa brings stocking, everyone else brings 'main presents' under the tree.

in the in-laws, santa brings presents from everyone.

bit concerned as the ds's get older, they might start to question these different 'stories' between our house and nan/grandads.

Thankyou all!! No, we don't ever get Thankyou letters - as the children don't know that we sent them presents!! But we do get a note from the mum. I just feel, like some of the other posters, that it is a shame that it isn't a way of keeping the link between my children and her children a little closer. We're not particularly close as our parents remarried when we were all grown up ourselves, plus she lives abroad. But I do try and keep up the link.

YANBU at all. Surely the more you attribute Father Christmas with doing, the quicker they will stop believing in him?

I would be so sad if I didn't know what my family members had each bought me as a child - for example taking comfort in a teddy, knowing it was given to me by my aunt, or treasuring a bracelet because it was given by my grandma. I think those sentimental connections are important - presents aren't just 'stuff', they are things which have been chosen, wrapped and given from one person to another.

My DH's family doesn't think we are being rude and I thank them myself at Christmas and get lovely presents for my nieces and nephews.

There are always birthday presents for the children to know where the presents are coming from.
I really can't see how the kids lose out, I still think it is less materialistic. Is how much you loive a child linked to what present you give him?
But I do understand that this is in your culture, so am not expecting to convince anybody here

I think kids should know who the gifts are from so they can thank that person when they see them or speak to them on the phone

but when we were small santa rounded up all the presents from far flung relatives and delivered them all on xmas eve, along with his presents. we still knew who they were from. now my kids know that some people give me presents in advance, and we put these round the tree on xmas eve, and wait for FC to come with the rest

My parents used to tell us that Father Christmas' job was to deliver all the presents that people had bought for us, so we would come down in the morning to find all of our pressies had appeared overnight. We thought that friends and relatives had bought pressies, and sent them to FC to keep and bring to us if we were good! I think that's what we'll do with dd once she's old enough to 'get it'