to want to stop sending christmas presents to my step-sisters children, as she takes the labels off

[NappyShedSal]

My step sister tells her children that all christmas presents come from Father Christmas. So she takes off any labels that are attached to the presents so that the children don't know they have come from someone else. She lives abroad so I have to post the presents, otherwise I'd hand them to the children themselves. Now, I know that it's her family's tradition. But a little bit of me feels like not bothering to get nice presents as the children don't know that I've gone to the effort.

It's not about how much the present costs!

My aunty sent me cheap brown tights every year! I didn't appreciate them at the time, but even so I knew she was thinking of me, it's part of my childhood memories, and it means something to me now as an adult, I am very touched that she bothered, for so long.

you are touched that she didn't think enough of you to ask what you would actually like

Maternelle they won't know they're missing them, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't gain something from knowing they did get a present from them.

I can't understand why it's so hard for people to see that. Getting a present is more than just the thing. It's also about the bond between the people.

For me it's the act of giving that's more important than the thing itself. It really does matter who it's from.

Yes, I am touched.

She was from a different generation, it seemed like a good present to her. She had very little money indeed, and yet she still bothered to send me something every year. It means something to me, I don't take it for granted at all.

"I know it's only a present, but that's what DCs understand."

If a child only understands love through a present then there is a problem!

Everyone seems to be assuming that these children are going to be sitting amongst their present on Xmas morning, sobbing because their relatives didnt get them anything! In reality, this all those children know so they arent going to bothered in the slightest. I think that suddenly received presents with "From XX" on them would cause far more upset.

Then why can't the OP just send things at other times of year if she sees stuff she thinks they would like? Then she could have her 'gift-giving bond' without sabataging her SILs Christmas tradition.

Apologies SGM I seem to be saying the exact same things as you a couple of minutes after

I am not thinking that the children are going to be sobbing because their relatives didn't get them something!

I'm sure they'll be delighted at all their presents from Santa. You;re missing the point.

The bond between family is more important that some stupid Santa tradition and shouldn't be taken for granted.

Presents - like it or not - is one way to cement that bond (it doesn't beat actually seeing each other, but if you're abroad it's an easy thing to do).

They are missing out - whether they know it or care about it - on part of their relationship with their Aunty. Christmas is a time for family, and sending presents from is one way family from abroad can be part of Christmas day. A present is a physical reminder of that person. I still have things I've kept from my childhood, and I remember who gave them to me.

And they are missing out on learning to say thank you too!

How would it ruin someone's Christmas tradition if a couple of presents didn't come from Santa?

I like my suggestion anyway. I'd send a token xmas present, then send the real present as a new year one.

lowrib, a child on xmas day has for example 10 presents, including those from family and friends. do you honestly think in teh excitement of all that opening and playing they remember that aunty lowrib got them the football strip? or do you think a phonecall from you is a far more personal way to make your presence felt on xmas day?

I actually like that suggestion too lowrib - everyones happy. No awkwardness in not sending an xmas pressie anymore. The kids get a nice gift at new year and remain blissfully ignorant that their xmas gifts haven't come down the chimney.

"Some stupid Santa tradition" Nice attitude! what a horrible thing to say about something that matters alot to them. Just because you dont think it matters, because you think its stupid and because you think they will miss out, doesnt actually mean its true! And it still doesnt give anyone the right to undermine it!

There would be absolute hell to pay if someone posted on here "My MIL is insisting the children open their Xmas presents on Xmas EVe because she is German and is going to come round and hand them to the children so I have no choice" or similar. How is this any different?

So long as you get a written thank you letter from SIL, there's not much more that you can expect.

Yes, I do. Not when they're really little, but as they get older certainly. I knew who got me what when I was little. And if I forgot my mum made sure I remembered for thank you letters!

As my DS grows up, thank you letters will be a given. I think it's incredibly rude to accept a present for your child from someone, and not give them the courtesy of a say thank you.

DS gets some lovely presents from relatives, and we send a picture of DS or a painting from DS as a thank you (he's to young for thank you letters right now).

I know the thank you means an awful lot to some of them, particularly some elderly relatives who have no DCs.

Unless you send books.... in my family, books always come with a little note inside the front cover saying who they were to and from and the date, that's our tradition and we are sticking to it.

yes but lowrib taht is your tradition. if this family choose not to do letters that is up to them you cannot dictate that your label stays on the gift just so you get a thank you. it isn't up to you to insist otehr people's children have manners.

Santa is not a religious figure!

I still don't get how giving presents form other people undermines getting presents from Santa. Who would it hurt to do both?

You have to learn to compromise somewhere, and holding on to some random tradition (again - it's not a religion you know!) at the expense of family ties seems ridiculous to me.

it isn't at the expense of family ties. family ties should be strengthened trhoughot teh year and as other have said if you leave it til xmas to show you care then taht really is your own fault if the relationship with teh child isn't good.

We dont do thank you letter either, so hang me!

The kids either thank people when they see them, which covers almost all givers on Xmas and Boxing day, or they ring. Its far nicer for them to have a chat with the kids than the standard "Dear MTAT Thank you for the [insert gift name here] From XX" which is standard through out all of the notes we have received!

I think the strength of feeling about Santa is faintly ridiculous. You do know or modern version of him basically comes from a coca-cola commercial, right?