to want to stop sending christmas presents to my step-sisters children, as she takes the labels off

[NappyShedSal]

My step sister tells her children that all christmas presents come from Father Christmas. So she takes off any labels that are attached to the presents so that the children don't know they have come from someone else. She lives abroad so I have to post the presents, otherwise I'd hand them to the children themselves. Now, I know that it's her family's tradition. But a little bit of me feels like not bothering to get nice presents as the children don't know that I've gone to the effort.

Yes - there was no intention whatsoever to offend - I was asking for clarification on something that had puzzled me. I never said anything about anyone taking gifts away from their children either.

All I wanted to know is how you'd manage the situation if a child sent your child a present (maybe it would have been clearer if I had said 'sent' rather than 'gave') - would the label be taken off so it could go on the santa pile too? Even if the child had bought it or made it themselves?

Sorry, I wasn't actually directing any accusations personally at you SDTG, it as to other posters earlier in the thread.

I think i answered your question though, and as I said I don't remove labels anyway.

I think it is really important that children know who their gifts are really from.

Especially in a case like the OP's when she is living in a different country and presumably only gets time to spend with her DNs occasionally, so that the children know their aunt is thinking about them. Not for thankyous. For creating and maintaining their relationship.

Well my two penneth is this.
If it is a family tradition so to speaak then I think you should respect it.
I had enough of my in laws overriding everything I said and now I don't speak to them so don't have to tolerate their rudeness.
Op- if it means that much to you then buy a token present and a bigger persent on their birthday.
personally I would avoid getting to the petty stage of writing your name all over the gift.
My inlaws used to do this and it just reinforced the negative view I already held about them. Fwiw doing this will not make your nephews/nieces like you any more.

This 'it's what people do in Europe' (all gifts from Santa). I don't buy it. I have a French friend and a German friend and neither of them do it! Maybe, like here, SOME people do it, and some people don't.

SGM - of course a relationship requires more than just a gift at Xmas. But it is or can be part of it. Who a gift is from is just as important as what it is. (Half my family, including my favourite aunt, have always lived on a different continent to me, so that's my perspective)

I wouldn't write all over the wrapping paper, OP, but I'd definitely be tempted to "miss" the Christmas post.

But... If a child is not expecting to receive a present from a family member they will not wonder why they didn't send one.

I am a little surprised by how much this thread is upsetting me, I mean, I'm not going to cry over it or anything, but many posters on here seem to be obsessed with a child (who still believes in FC so can't be very old) expressing thanks not only for a gift but to the particular giver. And that it somehow builds a relationship with that family member.

I have a very close rationship with my aunts, uncles and cousins. However, in my family, we did not receive Christmas gifts from family unless we were celebrating with them (which is a good thing really cause I have 36 first cousins and t would bankrupt me if we had a tradition of buying for everyone!). I did not wonder why I didn't get a present from my Dad's sister. Ever!

Yes, I believe it is important for children (and adults) to appreciate and acknowledge the thought that goes into choosing and sending a gift. And to be taught not to expect it and to express thanks for something received. But surely, insisting that the child knows who it comes from does start (if only a very little) to make it about the giver rather than the giving.

Either way though it doesn't really matter. What does matter is that one realises that Christmas is celebrated differently in elsewhere. And (if for example)...
How would you feel if your step-sister told your DC there was no FC because that's not* how she does Christmas^ and so it must be wrong?

Wow! That is astonishingly bad editing. Please correct errors as you find.

I agree with you Mummyberry.

The amount of people who get het up about children not being reminded that they have indeed provided the best gift is astonishing.

Reminds me of a work college who got quite cross with me for not sending them a Christmas card last year. When I tactfully reminded them that I had donated to a children's charity instead of sending work collegues cards she still bleated on about it. Made her look quite mean I thought.

I agree with StewieGriffinsMum and MummyBerryJuice (and others).

If the important thing here is to maintain and build the bond with your family, don't do something petty and nasty like secreting a card under the paper. DO:

1. Keep up with your DNs AND their parents throughout the year; and

1. Show you respect their parents by going along with their Christmas traditions. You never know, it might be fun if you are willing to give it a try!

Starting bad feeling with your brother and SIL by making it clear you don't approve of their Christmas traditions is not a great way to celebrate the season.

No-one has yet mentioned this, but surely your bond with your SIL and brother is as important as the one with your DNs?

And I am another one who is far away from family. The ones who have the strongest bond with us are the ones who bother to pick up the phone regularly, not the ones who send presents at Christmas.

Jeez, thought I was on my own on this one - agree with PP.

The thing is, though, that the talk about respecting traditions could go both ways. It is my tradition that the gifts I send come from me, not from Father Christmas - and it is just as deeply-held and important a tradition as it is for those for whom all gifts come from Father Christmas. But it seems as if the demands for 'respect' are all going in the one direction.

Not at all. You can do what you do in your house and I 'd respect that and hope you could respect how we do things. Who is this supposed to be for the benefit of here - the children receiving the gift or the giver? The Op's point is beside the point for me anyway as I don't operate like that and can understand why the Op would want to do it her way, but to make a big thing of it for the few years it lasts isn't important. My gripe on this thread has been with other posters who can't see that some people's way or traditions are just as valid as their own. to insult and belittle other's ways as 'tacky, commercial, encouraging spoilt materialistic brats' is just rude and very narrow minded - not quite in the Christmas Spirit and to me says a lot about those posters and how they deal or judge with other things in their lives and other peoples lives. Is very Little England.

Haven't manged to read whole thread so may be repeating someonel ,uwa brilliant way to get out of the whole thank you letter argument after Xmas .Seriously how does she deal with thank yous or does she not thank people who give gifts?How old are the children?

Sorry, keyboard is bonkers,meant to say what a brilliant way to get out of the thank you letter argument

And breathe!

I'm not sure where you're getting the other bits from so I can't comment, but seriously!

On this thread so far I've been called a scrooge, a Daily Mail reader (both so far from the truth it's really quite funny) but now a BNP sympathiser ?! And what for? - For pointing out a few obvious things about saying all your gifts are from Santa.

Before it was silly, but that's actually very offensive.

I'm sorry but that's just mental!

You are really making a mountain out of a molehill, and being really quite offensive too.

I'm off. I have much more important things to do.

Obvious to you Lowrib, obvious to YOU!

This really is hilarious!

I really hope a journo doesn't get wind of this to write an article about mothers coming to blows over Santa! It's ridiculous.

SGM No one has called your children vile, grabby, selfish or inconsiderate. You seem unable to distinguish between general opinion what might be the effect of a thing and a direct insult.

Are you one of those people who starts fights because you imagine people are looking at you funny?

Right, I really am off this time! I really really shouldn't be here, I've got an essay to write.

why do people assume that everyone sends thank you cards?