to want to stop sending christmas presents to my step-sisters children, as she takes the labels off

[NappyShedSal]

My step sister tells her children that all christmas presents come from Father Christmas. So she takes off any labels that are attached to the presents so that the children don't know they have come from someone else. She lives abroad so I have to post the presents, otherwise I'd hand them to the children themselves. Now, I know that it's her family's tradition. But a little bit of me feels like not bothering to get nice presents as the children don't know that I've gone to the effort.

altinkim I like your photo idea. Santa can give the pressies & then you can give the real giver the thrill of seeing their pressie being opened! Everybody happy. I will do that this year!

Put the label on the toy/gift itself, then wrap it up

How do you write thank you notes if you dont know who your present came from?

my parents always maintained that they bought the pressies and sent them to santa.

so, he was just a glorified postman, really.

i don't see how that destroys the magic...

altinkum - my DC are more than capable of writing/drawing their own Thank you letters (well, one is capable of writing and the other thinks she is) and they still believe in FC.

I would stop sending them to be honest. If I give a gift I give it to give - not to save mum a bit of cash and make a bigger present pile to be credited to the man in red. I just wouldn't do it because I think it's really really mean-spirited and selfish tbh.

How are the kids ever going to learn the words thank you - and yes, I think they should be saying that themselves (not to the extent of letters or anything grand - but just a "thank you next time you see aunty so and so").

My family always did the Santa delivery man thing as well (hand get out if I ever discovered the present stash in advance as well - it hadn't been sent to the North Pole yet).

altinkum, i believe in father christmas.

my mum says that if you don't believe, you don't get any presents (and i'm not prepared to take that risk)

I think it's extremely bad mannered to pretend that presents from other people are from Santa.

YANBU. I and most other parents I'm sure, teach their DC to say thank you for their christmas presents. This means thanking the right person imo.

Was that aimed at me?

I don't think it's anything to do with tradition, just the etiquette of gift giving.

As someone said above, they don't give gifts just to make the Santa pile look bigger.

Surely it is part of the enjoyment of gift giving to be able to participate and be acknowledged for the enjoyment/pleasure that the recipient gets from the gift?

Mine are too young to have traditions, but I would still never do this, and would be upset if it was decided for any gifts I gave. Like I said previously, it's against any etiquette rules I was raised with.

Yes as saffy85, thanking the right person is important.

Do what Grimma says!

YANBU

I too think it is sad that your neices/nephews miss out on feeling special with a pressie from Aunt. A much nicer feeling than having a load of presents dumped by some mythical bloke who seems to foget children who are really in need around the world.

I would send them a pressie for New year instead or not bother and make a bigger fuss of their birthdays.

I can see this from both sides. I think its nice to reach a compromise when you have clashing traditions to try to ensure everyone is happy. And there are lots of excellent suggestions in this thread about how to achieve this. IME DCs are prepared to believe all sorts of things about Santa. For example my DMIL likes to see her presents opened so when we don't spend Christmas with her either Santa brought them early or late. We also do the Santa is a glorified postman. Or maybe it just means I have gullible DDs.

Ok SGM. I'm not sure what my family's take on this is, it has never arisen before.

It is just my opinion which as you say could be different from someone else's. It just grates against my ingrained want to thank people for gifts.

I certainly wasn't trying to be pissy and apologise if I have given that impression.

(I don't give Christmas cards at all )

I've always thought it was a reasonable compromise that presents in the stocking came from FC, and the 'main' present, and presents from friends and family went under the tree, and came from the donor, iyswim.

I have stocking and main present that DD asks Santa for off santa and the others off everyone else but if I wanted all the presents to be off santa I'm sure family and friends would play along - I just din't want to add that complication to lessen the risk off getting rumbled!
It really does boil down to whether you want to give a gift to receive gratitiude from a child or whether you just want them to enjoy what you have chosen.
If you stop sending gifts it is only the child, who has had no choice in her parents' tradition, who will miss out. If you make it obvious that the present is from you, like some on here have suggested, you will pee off the parents but you will also likely create a very unhappy child on Christmas morning wondering what parts of the santa myth are real and what their parents have made up.
YABU.

"It really does boil down to whether you want to give a gift to receive gratitiude from a child or whether you just want them to enjoy what you have chosen."
You're so much more eloquent than me!

Santa brings all presents in this house (it was the way things were done when I was small, so it seemed natural to do the same with my children).

PIL label presents and I snip the labels off Christmas Eve (PIL know this and are quite comfortable with the idea that santa brings the presents) the labels are so that 'Santa' knows which pile to put presents in.

DS1 and DS2 love spending time choosing lovely presents for the adults in their life (Santa only brings presents for children - adults get presents from friends and family)so I disagree that they do not understand about giving and receiving gifts.

I say thank you on their behalf and when they stop believing they will do so themselves.

The exception to this is DS1's Godmother who lives at the other end of the country and does not seem them very often - she did not like the idea of her presents being passed off as Santa, so she posts her presents and the boys know who they come from - they accept that as she misses them so much and can not see them at Christmas she likes to send them a special present each.

If my ds thought everything was from santa, he'd have the longest xmas list in the universe, and wouldn't appreciate any of what he got.
She is being totally unreasonable.

My friend tells her dd that they give Santa money to buy her presents . What the hell is the point in that?! Why wouldn't they just get them from the shops themselves? !