to want to stop sending christmas presents to my step-sisters children, as she takes the labels off

[NappyShedSal]

My step sister tells her children that all christmas presents come from Father Christmas. So she takes off any labels that are attached to the presents so that the children don't know they have come from someone else. She lives abroad so I have to post the presents, otherwise I'd hand them to the children themselves. Now, I know that it's her family's tradition. But a little bit of me feels like not bothering to get nice presents as the children don't know that I've gone to the effort.

Nobody has answered my question yet

Oh and this might be the perfect thread for:

anyone?

Mummyberryjuice, no-one answered mine either!

Actually I don't know why anyone is continuing to post any comments on this thread - the only people being reasonable are those who don't mind what everyone else does cos it's none of their business

LemonDifficult - I actually think it is just as unpleasant to say that it is 'super-tacky, commercial and rude' if all the presents come from Santa, as it is to say that those of us who want our presents to reach the recipient from us, not santa, are only giving presents for our own gratification, because we want all the credit.

MummyBerry and vmcd, ask again! I can't find and can't read the thread through again (had a skim, but can't find)...

MerryMarigold:

Would you be any happier about the situation if the children wrote to thank FC? (I remember having to do this as child for my stocking) or would that not be grateful enough?

Ok?

go along with it then send them a New year present too !

Mummyberry, for me no. It's not just about the 'Thankyou', or even mostly about it. Personally, it's more about the giving part ie. the child gives presents as well as receives, which I don't think is poss if everything comes from Santa.

"Would you be any happier about the situation if the children wrote to thank FC? (I remember having to do this as child for my stocking) or would that not be grateful enough?"

You're missing the point I think. It's not about forcing DCs to be suitably grateful, or "grateful enough". It matters who the present comes from, particularly when it's someone like the OP. Knowing that their Aunty who lives abroad thinks of them and sends them thoughtful Christmas presents is part of their relationship with her. A present which came from an Aunt means so much more than the thing itself. Can't you see that? And it's good manners to say thank you! Not so a made up being, but actually to the person who gave you the gift, whether that's by letter, phone, or when they bring it up in conversation when they next see each other.

If families want to collude and pretend that all their present come from Santa then that's up to them but the OP's question was to do with a relative who didn't want to collude in this charade. It really is bad manners in those circumstances and is actually denying the children something, can't you see that?

t's not about the present itself, it's about the act of giving.

Also, going off on a bit of a tangent - I think this "keep their" innocence thing it a bit odd tbh. How does not letting DCs know that relatives care enough about them to send presents do them a favour or "keep them innocent"?

oops quotes not exactly where I meant them. I'm sure you know what I mean though.

Only a few pages into this thread but dying to go to bed so will just put my thoughts in now, and catch up tomorrow.

I thought Christmas was all about the joy of giving and receiving gifts. If Santa brings everyone's presents, then it's only about the receiving. Teaches kids nowt. Very sad. Take, take, take. I can't imagine how embarrassing it must be if a child's relative is actually in the room when a child opens the present that their relative has bought them, only it's passed off as Santa's: "Oh, that's yucky, I don't know what Santa brought me that for, it's so babyish." Must be so . Whereas, if a child knows that a present is from the relative who is handing it to them, they learn social niceties such as how to try and appear gracious in accepting a gift that you wouldn't wear in a million years!

Or what about the potential "How come Santa bought me this? Now I've got two, I thought he was magic, he wouldnt' give me two the same." etc etc.

Or how do you get round clothes that don't quite fit? If it's all above board then discussions about exchanging/recipts etc can be held in front of the child. If Santa brought it then you've got to go into some silly charade about why he brought the wrong size and how he's going to bring back the right one some time. Just stupid......

They wouldn't witness any proper exchanges of presents amongst the adults - it would be all "Oh THANK you, Santa, just what I wanted." How bloody fake. And imagine the rolling of the eyes of the older kids who no longer believe in Santa. Instead, this is so much nicer: "Oh thanks, Sis, I love it!!!" "Ah, remember when we went on that shopping trip and we went past the perfume counter and the assistant sprayed us a tester, I remembered you said you loved the smell....." etc etc....

Just proper thought and gratitude and everything. Not some utterly, utterly, stupid, idiotic and leaves-a-bad-taste-in-the-mouth take, take, take from "Santa."

Crap.

Bah bloody humbug.

StewieGriffinsMom you keep bringing this up, but I would be very surprised if there's a tradition in other countries of people ripping tags of presents when the giver wanted it known it came from them, which is what the OP was about.

Haven't read the whole thing but the last and first page. Has anyone mentioned reciprocity? I like the fact that my nephew knows I have chosen a present just for him but I also like the fact that he gets pleasure when I open my gift from him and his parents. Exchanging gifts is a really important ceremony I think - it's sort of an appreciation for one another being there through the year

/hippy lentil weaver pagan

I completely agree LadyBiscuit

Tbh - this thread has moved on from the Op's original point. It's more about how many posters think their way of doing Christmas (and probably most other things on life) is the only way. Many posters have actually had their traditions, whether cultural, regional, family etc rubbished because some posters think their way is the 'correct, polite' way of doing things. Some people have everything from Santa or santa only does the stockings, do or don't write Thank You letters, open pressies at different times, rip all the presents open quickly or take their time and write down who gave what. Someone even describes some peoples way of being tack, some said the kids will grow up to be brats etc. How dare people rubbish other peoples way of doing things and shit on their memories and traditions. if that is your idea of giving and Christmas spirit , you are welcome to it.

This thread just makes me feel very very glad that Santa never played any part in my childhood, and that neither I nor any of my family do it either.

If I was the OP I would stop sending Christmas presents, or at at least stop sending anything carefully carefully picked because I would find it incredibly hurtful that the children give no acknowledgment of the present. It's not as if it would make any difference to the children as they probably have plenty of presents and clearly none of them have any emotional significance. I'd instead be more generous at birthday time.

In my family all children give presents as soon as they are able (sometimes very wobbly home made things) and giving is a huge part of the celebration. Labels are always read and usually carefully written (often with a clue as to the contents) and if the person is there they get a big hug, and if not then phone calls are made later in the evening when everyone says thank you. Which is very nice all round.

We live abroad now and getting and sending the parcels is an exciting part of Christmas. My children enjoy packing the boxes up and recognise their relatives writing on the parcels here, and then have weeks of anticipation. It's lovely (although I'd prefer to go home if we could).

Oh and out of curiosity Stewie, how are birthdays celebrated differently in Canada? That's where we live and I can't say I've noticed any difference, but maybe I'm missing something? Oh and I have a fairly multicultural family (including cousins we have relatives from Russia, Germany, France, Ghana, Australia and the US) and none of them do 'everything from Santa'.

I don't think that anyone is rubbishing someone's traditions-they are merely saying they don't want to be part of it.

Nooka has reminded me of something I was wondering. If you belong to the 'all presents come from santa' camp, what would you do if a child sent a gift (possibly home-made or bought with their own pocket money) to your child? Would that gift go in the santa pile too?

merrymarigold
I had just wondered how, if all presents are from Santa, how would I explain the massive pile of boxes full of gifts for ds's cousins etc? And how would I explain all the gifts I have to buy at the shops? And all the times I have to GO to the shops at this time of year? And indeed, on xmas day when we go to the inlaws in the morning, how do we explain the bags of gifts we take to them all?

I genuinely don't get how all these things can be explained away easily.

Also, if my ds thought everything was from Santa he'd never appreciate his gifts as much and would have a loooong list and he'd expect to receive everything on it. Why shouldn't he get everything if some bloke brings it all for free?

Note, I'm not criticising. Genuinely curious as to how it works

This thread is silly now!

Of course I am not going to take gifts off my child! If someone gives her a gift then she puts it under the tree until christmas day. It's only gifts given to me by relatives for her that "get sent to Santa". These relatives know the drill as we all do the same in in our family.

DD also chooses or makes gifts for gandma and grandad but she understands that santa brings gifts for children (and that some relatives send them to him to bring for her). Santa doesn't bring gifts for the adults!

Those that have insulted other peoples traditions on here should be ashamed- saying an others Christmas day ritual is "crap" or "stupid" is horrible. I am glad I am not with you on Christmas day, I will stick to my big "Santa pile" for my dd and we will have a fun-filled happy day which everyone enjoys.

As for my dd insulting grandmas presents- well she is not that sort of girl, she thinks she is the luckiest child in the world and is grateful. And her grandmas always get her something they are sure she will love anyway as they know her well and consult with me as well. Besides she is only 5! These traditions don't go on forever...

And Santa doesn't bring presents unconditionally does he?? He might not bring everything on your list? He has lots of boys and girls and presents are shared out. Whether he brings all your presents or just some doesn't make any difference to your list does it?

plainjane - I don't think that SDTG was trying to offend, think it was a genuine curiosity about how you organise it. I have never heard of doing this before this thread