to want to stop sending christmas presents to my step-sisters children, as she takes the labels off

[NappyShedSal]

My step sister tells her children that all christmas presents come from Father Christmas. So she takes off any labels that are attached to the presents so that the children don't know they have come from someone else. She lives abroad so I have to post the presents, otherwise I'd hand them to the children themselves. Now, I know that it's her family's tradition. But a little bit of me feels like not bothering to get nice presents as the children don't know that I've gone to the effort.

We never write thank you notes so obviously many posters here can feel smug about how thoughtful and polite they are compared to us who don't and never have. Also, my kids (8 and 5, ) don't buy presents for parents, siblings - it all comes from Santa - separate family members give separately.

I'm surprised how cross this thread has made me and how ignorant and inflexible many of you are and seriously in your closed mindedness you are sending out a really lousy spirit of Christmas in your smugness, know better judginess.

I think I will sign out. Those who don't give a thank you in some form don't get a present. It has payed off with mine-we went through blood sweat and tears (mainly mine!)-but now they do it automatically with good grace and no prompting. I would do the same-they have realised how much pleasure it gives and that it isn't just 'fussy mum'. It is such a little thing.

Sorry-getting careless 'I would do the same again.

Littleredsquirrel so your parents sit there and watch the children open the presents that they have bought and at no point do the children say thank you Grandma/whatever? That is astonishingly rude.

So many here - RRB et al - seem to miss the point of Christmas entirely.
What about the bloody joy of giving ?

RRB - 'Littleredsquirrel so your parents sit there and watch the children open the presents that they have bought and at no point do the children say thank you Grandma/whatever? That is astonishingly rude'

Why is that rude if the GP's are happy to collude in this 'deception' that everything comes from Santa. Not how we do it but can't see how it is rude - oh, you mean unless everyone follows your norms and rules, it's rude.

What would you do if you had a grandma like me who thinks it incredibly rude-ban me?
Christmas is about the joy of giving and receiving-DCs ripping open presents with no thought of the giver is materialism and commercialism at its worst IMO.

yes IYO. Do you really have such little imagination to see that other people might do things differently and be happy in their choice.

Family members give me gifts to put out on Christmas morning "from Santa". It is our family tradition and happened in previous generations so no-one is upset by it.

My parents did the same for us so they are not offended when they don't get a "thank you grandma". In fact my mum is more than delighted when my dd rushes up with the gift saying "grandma- look what Santa brought me".

It is silly to say she is rude. Rudeness is only perceived if the expectation of a thank you is there in the first place.

For more distant family members the gifts are still delivered by Santa, but she is told that the relative sent them to Santa for her.

Don't see how kids ripping their presents open in excitement is materialistic- it shows the gifts are much appreciated. I would be more worried if she wasn't enthusiastic.

Kerrist on a bleeping broomstick, piecesmoon, 'commercialism', 'consumerism' - what are you on about????!!!!!!!!????????
It's children and Christmas, have some imagination and kindness....
A present for a little child on a Christmas day, is it really so wrong?

Plainjane -

according to some here you're wrong and teaching your children to become rude, materialistic brats and you thought you were just having a lovely, innocent time.

Plainjane. How does it work if Great Aunty Begonia sends a present to be delivered by Santa, but their own grandparents don't get them anything at all? (It's all straight from Santa). Have they never questioned it, or too busy saying, "What present's next?" to notice?

Rollmops, is anyone saying you shouldn't get a present for a little child on Christmas day?!!! It's just about where it comes from and whether they have (even if they are only 5) bought some presents of their own to give that are from them and not from Santa.

My mum does bring a little gift for dd when she visits xmas day but the main prezzie is from santa. If she did ask she would be told that grandma sent the gift to santa, but she hasn't ( is only 5) And No she is not too busy saying "what present is next?"- quite the opposite which is probably why she has never questioned why.

I don't actually care what anyone else does, tbh, but as I said earlier in this post, if my 5yo ds thought every single parcel came from santa (ie no-one had to pay for anything), his list would be miles long, and he'd never understand why he didn't get everything on his list.
And if no-one gives presents, how would I explain the massive pile of boxes full of presents for his cousins etc?
PS I'm genuinely wondering how you all get round these things - I'm not criticising :)

OP, YANBU - it's very rude to the present-givers. Nobody wants children to grovel in gratitude, ffs, and most children wouldn't , but it's extremely rude to you and to anyone else who gives her children presents. What does it teach her children about being appropriately grateful/polite to their relatives? Sooner or later they'll realise that Santa doesn't exist - then what does she plan to do?

Hey, maybe she's just trying to get out of making them write thank-you letters?

Those of you who are so hung up on politeness and gratefulness:

Would you be any happier about the situation if the children wrote to thank FC? (I remember having to do this as child for my stocking) or would that not be grateful enough?

i think people who make their children write thank you letters are very rude! Well actually, I don't as I'm happy to live and let live and not judge on these issues.

I think agree to differ is the only way forward-no one has changed their mind the entire thread and I doubt if they will-even if we are still debating it on Christmas Eve!!

Perhaps the answer is for OP to come back and tell us what she has decided.

I don't make my ds1 write thankyou letters as he's only 5, but he can certainly SAY thankyou. And I do want him to start from this Christmas buying a small gift for his siblings and maybe his Dad!

Thank you letters are as much a part of Christmas as mincepies and Christmas Trees. Wobbly pencilled letters on ruled paper - it can't start too soon imo (well, ok, 6 is about right). Children don't come to any harm learning to thank people properly for a gift.

I do think all the presents coming from Father Christmas - never Santa in out house - is quite unusual but, hey, chacun a son gout and it may not be worth falling out over.

Agree with Piscesmoon. This 'Santa brings everything' is super tacky, commercial and just rude. Giving someone a present is a lot about showing appreciation of them and making them feel special.

Santa alone won't make children feel special, it'll make them feel just like everyone else. Aunt LemonDifficult asking what you want, going to choose it, wrap it and give it will (I hope) show my nephews or whoever that they are special to me and I want to buy them a toy to have fun with.

I love Santa and he'll be visiting the Difficult Household and filling stockings and eating a mince pie. But he isn't real and he's certainly no replacement for the important life lessons in giving and receiving.

Super tacky - are you mad????
[bangs head against wall]

(cooking dinner, bathing DTS etc so can only manage snippets)