to want to stop sending christmas presents to my step-sisters children, as she takes the labels off

[NappyShedSal]

My step sister tells her children that all christmas presents come from Father Christmas. So she takes off any labels that are attached to the presents so that the children don't know they have come from someone else. She lives abroad so I have to post the presents, otherwise I'd hand them to the children themselves. Now, I know that it's her family's tradition. But a little bit of me feels like not bothering to get nice presents as the children don't know that I've gone to the effort.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl I'm not questioning that your children had a magical Christmas. I just don't think it's right to impose an alternate tradition on another family

It all appears to me about parental control and they need to get used to the fact they can only control themselves!

If the children think all the presents come from Father Christmas, who do they write thank you letters to?
Or do they not bother writing any at all? Or does the mother secretly write them on their behalf?

Have only read page one (will read the rest now) but isn't it vitally important that the children say thank you to the person who has bought them the gift? By saying they all come from FC, that's not teaching them fantastic manners...

The mother does them RuthChan-if she bothers-it is like a corporate thing and not personal at all IMO. Like a DC's party where they go in the sack, the DC opens them at home-hasn't a clue who gave what and mother does a letter on the computer. I thought that Christmas was about the joy of giving as much as the joy of receiving.
There is nowhere else where you would give a present the label comes off and it comes from someone else!!! The excuse being that a DC can't be awestruck by a stocking-they need a ton of presents.

People can have these production lines but there is no need for me to take part!

Not sure why I came back to the thread. It's just the same points again and again. Pointless.

I think we have to agree to differ, while I am quite happy for others to have their own traditions I am not going to get caught up in them. I don't expect others to get caught up in mine.
DCs thanking the person comes top and it is never too young to start.

Those of you who think it's more important that DC believe in a fake fat man that brings present than that their relatives abroad do care and think about them have got their priorities totally messed up.

I haven't read the whole because tbh this comment won the argument. And for those of you who say your children don't give a toss who the presents are from as they rip through the labels and paper, maybe you should start teaching them to give a toss. You say children associating presents with love is materialistic and grasping and then you go in to describe something akin to a pack of wild dogs ripping into a carcass. 15 seconds per present to find out who it's from and make a note is too much waiting is it? What a nasty attitude.

I would do the same GiddyPickle-it seems a nice ,easy way and yet when I suggested it I was accused of undermining!!

I so agree with picesmoon and Rockinrobinbird.

I should perhaps have queried earlier why the children wouldn't give a toss who the present was from.

Like I said previously if you don't agree, don't take part.

Maternelle - the problem is we fundamentally disagree and there isn't a lot of middle ground.

I wouldn't mind the all from FC tradition if all extended family were local and disagreed, I wouldn't mind if relatives were all over the place but there was another way to connect gifts with relatives (like Santa was asked to get x by y relative).

But where all these solutions are refused I can't help but think the parents are selfish for wanting things their way at the expensive of their relatives feelings.

Whereas you feel that tradition and believing in FC is more important.

I haven't got an answer to that, except to say that I feel quite sad for your poor MIL, and I hope she is able to afford to visit her grandchildren and show them she cares in other ways, because not everybody can.

Relatives were local and agreed sorry

"The mother does them RuthChan-if she bothers-it is like a corporate thing and not personal at all IMO.".

I think this is an extremely rude thing to say. Childrn only believe in FC for a few years anyway. They will soon realise that their gifts come from family and friends and at that time will also be literate and able to write their own thank-you's and start buying gifts for others.

I frankly amazed at how dogmatic some of you are about your own way of celebrating. What do you do when you encounter people that come from a non-Judeo-Christian background?

Lots of compromises have been suggested.

Why should one person have it all their way?

Right back atcha.

Seriously, for this thread to end, we are all going to have to agree to disagree. It's just going round in circles.

Father Christmas is not a religious figure!

The OP's SS is choosing to rip labels off present against the giver's wishes. It would be very easy to accommodate the OP's without ruining the magic of Santa!

IME children continue "believing" in Santa until they're long after they're old enough to write thank you letters, more often than not with older DCs it's a pragmatic "if I don't say I believe, the presents might not come" IME, along with humouring the adults, who keep insisting that FC exists even when the child know from the playground that something fishy is probably going on here.

My old boss's child used to write the Argos codes next to his list for Santa Santa's not about consumerism? Give over!

She should be jolly pleased that you send nice presents - end of - not sure why you even know she takes the labels off if she writes the letters anyway. I can sort of see her point a tiny bit and to a degree I think it depends on how old the children are and whether they are yet able to write their own thank you letters.

My dd has an elephant memory for who a present came from. I suppose when she was born I was touched by how many people sent presents so she has grown up knowing that the bunny she sleeps with was a present from my Uni friend Karen, something else from a workfriend/gps etc

When she can write I will make her do thank you letters, and this year I am going to introduce her buying daddy a present (tho' she doesn't have money yet!). I want her to know how to give, and how much pleasure that can give you, as well as how to receive.

Nice idea though, saves on thank you letters to your auntie in deepest, darkest Peru.
Just one to Father Christmas 'Thank you for my presents' The end!

Maternelle - if the question "So you would prefer the children to have one less present rather than them not knowing it came from you?
You are doing it only for the credit then?" is addressed to me, then if you read my post, you would see that I would send a small or token gift for christmas, and another one at New Year, or a bigger one for their birthday. So they would either get the same number of presents, or one more - either of which should satisfy the parents.

And how many fecking times to I have to say that for me, it is bloody well NOT about the credit?? I really do feel as if some people on this thread think I am lying when I say this, and it has bloody well infuriated me - as you may be able to tell!

Giving presents and having them appreciated does give the giver an amount of pleasure, so it's not about credit.

Like DownyEmerald's sentiment. It's a two way street for some people.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl: Apologies, I misread your comment "That said, I wouldn't do something like putting a note in the present, or not sending a present at all".