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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to stop sending christmas presents to my step-sisters children, as she takes the labels off

376 replies

NappyShedSal · 30/11/2010 10:04

My step sister tells her children that all christmas presents come from Father Christmas. So she takes off any labels that are attached to the presents so that the children don't know they have come from someone else. She lives abroad so I have to post the presents, otherwise I'd hand them to the children themselves. Now, I know that it's her family's tradition. But a little bit of me feels like not bothering to get nice presents as the children don't know that I've gone to the effort.

OP posts:
fulltimeworkingmum · 02/12/2010 13:24

I take it that they do not have to write thank you letters if they've no idea from whom the presents actually came.

littleredsquirrel · 02/12/2010 13:28

I have to say that we also have all presents coming from father christmas and when we go to grandparents houses then father christmas just left them some presents there too. The relatives still get to see the children open their presents but they are only little (5 and 3)and so why can't they believe in father christmas for as long as possible?

lowrib · 02/12/2010 13:35

littleredsquirrel if it's just presents from you, and then the DCs get to open their presents at their grandparents then that's quite sweet IMO. Even though they're 'from' Santa, they will associate the ones at their GPs with their GPs and when they're older they'll know where they came from.

The difference is, imagine your sister lives abroad and hardly sees your DCs. She gave you a present for your them with a gift tag from her on it. You know she'd like the DCs to know the present is from her, but you ignore her wishes and instead you remove all trace of it being from her, and add it to the Santa pile. Don't you think that would be a bit - well - rude?

A present coming from a family member as well as FC doesn't mean they'll stop believing in Santa, just that they know that other people are thinking of them, which is a good thing surely?

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 02/12/2010 13:49

Littleredsquirrel - my boys still had the magic of santa, because they each got a stocking full of presents from him, and then later on in the day, they got the presents from under the tree, from friends and family. They believed in Father Christmas for ages.

piscesmoon · 02/12/2010 13:50

It is nothing to do with believing in FC. I believe in him absolutely and the magic, but he doesn't have to hijack everyone else's present. Why does friends and family giving presents mean that FC doesn't give any?
My DCs have never had the least problem understanding that Christmas is a time of giving and receiving, they get presents from FC, mummy and daddy, grandad, auntie etc etc.

I enjoy giving presents far more than receiving-it isn't 'getting the credit' it is thinking of just the right thing for the person.

A DC is far likely to believe for longer if presents come from different people. Otherwise by the time they get to 4/5 yrs they are going to think it odd that Mummy and Daddy never get them a present even though they get them one, or that their present to their sister suddenly appears from FC or that the family goes to a lot of trouble for Granny but she never goes to any trouble for them. Or are DCs just receivers-don't they get any pleasure in shopping for a nice present and giving?

piscesmoon · 02/12/2010 13:53

Maybe OP, the answer is to say to the DCs-I will get you a bigger present for birthdays because FC takes care of Christmas and just forget Christmas.

JustAnother · 02/12/2010 13:59

the idea of Thank you letter is very British, as someone has already pointed out. Nothing against that, but it just is. When I was growing up, we just used the phone to say Thank you, like everyone else. Presents always came from Santa, so there was no competition in the family to see who bought more or less. When we stopped believing in Santa, then we started calling the relatives to say Thank you.

MerryMarigold · 02/12/2010 14:04

YANBU. Is it really a 'family tradition' for anyone to have all the gifts from FC?

That's awful, everything being from Father Christmas. He must have a lot of cash to spend in Smyths, I guess!!

I think kids should know, appreciate the thought gone into it, and say thankyou.

It's amazingly rude to remove the labels you've put on.

MerryMarigold · 02/12/2010 14:06

That's true too, piscesmoon. GIVING and receiving. My ds1 is 5 and this year he chose small gifts for his brother and sister's bday. I will do this for Christmas too, it's important to remember it's not just all about getting loads of presents. And to teach that from even younger than believing in FC.

MerryMarigold · 02/12/2010 14:07

Does Father Christmas bring presents for adults too? Or don't they get any gifts?

piscesmoon · 02/12/2010 14:08

Some DCs are practically in secondary school, if threads on here are to be believed, are they supposed to go most of their childhood without saying thank you?
I'm not sure what would happen in our family 12 yr old gets present from Granny and says thank you-4yr old and 2 yr old get no present from Granny, hear 12 yr old saying thank you and wonder why they got left out. Seems to make for all sorts of complications!

piscesmoon · 02/12/2010 14:09

Mine have loved shopping from an early age and getting involved in getting presents from siblings-I don't see how that would work either.

SpotSplatterSplash · 02/12/2010 14:11

DS is 3 and loves dictating what to get people for Christmas.

MerryMarigold · 02/12/2010 14:13

I agree with you, pisces. Though ds1 (5) does tend to choose things for his siblings that HE rather likes - takes quite a bit of prompting to get the empathy going!

lowrib · 02/12/2010 14:15

I got a stocking until I was ... well I think I still get one when I'm at my parent's for xmas actually Blush Grin

lowrib · 02/12/2010 14:17

Our flatmates just came back with a Christmas tree and decorations. We've had mince pies and we've got carols on Grin

I know it might seem a bit early, but we're (mature!) students and are all home for xmas in a couple of weeks, so we're enjoying Christmas early.

And anyway, it's December and it's snowing Grin

lucjam · 02/12/2010 14:22

I think it's important that kids know who presents are from, otherwise how do they know who to thank for their gift? My children have to write a written thank you for every gift theu receive, be it xmas or birthday. To me this is an important part of growing up, learning that money doesn't grow on trees and that stuff doesn't magically appear, other than the stocking which comes from Father Christmas. Your SS isn't teaching good manners in my opinion.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 02/12/2010 14:51

I still get a stocking, lowrib - dh and I do them for eachother. I still have very happy memories of going to stay with my mum one Christmas, and I realised that she was going to be the only person without a stocking, so I did her one - and she was so surprised and pleased.

It didn't stop the dses believing either - we told them that FC does stockings for children but not for adults, so their dad and I did them for eachother, and I did one for Grandma.

lowrib · 02/12/2010 15:14

That's lovely StayingDavidTennantsGirl Smile

Maternelle · 02/12/2010 16:14

Thanks, I am teaching my children to be rude, greedy and bad-mannered.
Or, do we just have different traditions? Is it too hard to understand?

piscesmoon · 02/12/2010 16:26

There is nothing at all wrong in you having your own traditions-it only becomes wrong if you get people like OP who want to give your DCs presents and ignore their wishes. If people want to take part there is no problem at all. OP was asking what she should do as she doesn't like it and I think she has plenty of choices:

  1. Put up with the parental control with good grace.
  2. Put a note inside the present saying it is from her but thanks to Santa for delivering.
3 Give at New Year and say it is one of her own traditions.
  1. Give double at birthdays and say that it isn't needed at Christmas as Santa has the monopoly.
  2. Skype the DCs and hold up the present and say you are about to give it to Santa for his delivery and you hope they like it.

As the parent you can choose your tradition, but as the present giver they can choose too.
I would opt for 2 or 3 and I don't see why either interfers or spoils the DCs magic or destroys the myth or undermines.

Rollmops · 02/12/2010 16:27

What about the pure joy of giving?
Making children happy and keeping a lovely tradition - in these dull, sterile times - alive?
The ugliest form of selfishness is not putting oneself first, its hiding it behind generosity....Hmm
If ever there's a place for altruism, Christmas is surely the time...

piscesmoon · 02/12/2010 16:27

Sorry you ignore their wishes.

piscesmoon · 02/12/2010 16:29

Still misses my meaning-the you should have been in the post before.

piscesmoon · 02/12/2010 16:30

There should have been point 6-stop sending.

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