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Original poster

to say to DH that a cricket match every Saturday isn't acceptable now we have a baby?

663 replies

HollyBollyBooBoo · 30/11/2010 03:32

DH and I have been together 8 years, he's passionate about cricket and plays it (not very well, got the duck cup last season) most Saturday's during the season, meaning he's out the house from about midday until 10pm (pitch set up, match, post match drinking) plus goes on 'tour' (a p!ss up in Devon for a few days).

I said to him casually the other day that he won't really be able to do that every Saturday next season, maybe every other would be more appropriate now that we have a DD. I went on to say that I'll be back at work FT, so we need family time together, I'll help round the house and couldn't he play more golf instead which means he's only out of the house for a few hours but is still getting some exercise.

He went mad, literally couldn't believe what I was suggesting and couldn't see the problem with him being out pretty much all day Saturday! Even went onto to say 'don't try and control me, I've dumped girlfriends for less!' I was soooo shocked, we are thick as thieves normally and literally never argue, just work things through if there is a mild difference of opinion, so this really shook me, he was so vehement in his response!

When do we get family time?

When do I get c.10 hours off to do as I please?

OP posts:
HerBeatitude · 30/11/2010 10:45

"I still find it very strange that a FT working dad resents 10 hours, once a week, for five months of the year, alone with his DD. Didn't he really want this baby?"

How does that sound?

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 30/11/2010 10:48

I'm not sure how 18 Saturday afternoons a year (based on how many matches the local 4th team played) is "bending yourself out of shape".

Assuming the OP could come to a compromise where he went in time for the match (so no helping to set up) and didn't stay for the piss up afterwards say about 8hrs.

That's 144 hours a year. (or if you include the whole 10 hours 180 hours a year)

If you say there are 20 hours per weekend (based on 9am-7pm Sat and Sunday) to spend on family time. That's 1040 hours available at the weekends. Even based on his current 10hrs a day on match days (and assuming no cancelled matches) that's less than 20% of his time spent on doing something he loves an still leaves 800 hours a year for family stuff/the OP doing her own thing.

spidookly · 30/11/2010 10:49

"I still find it very strange that a FT working mum resents 10 hours, once a week, for five months of the year, alone with her DD. Didn't she really want this baby?"

ShockShockShockShockShockShockShock

Call the sexism police - a woman does not want to be treated as an unpaid nanny so her husband can act as though his child was never born!

Are you fucking kidding me????

What about this child's father?

Who doesn't want his life to change AT ALL now that he is a father is the one who should be answering questions about whether or not he wanted this baby.

I work full time. Under no circumstances whatsoever would I be prepared to spend 10 hours every Saturday for the sunniest third of the year on my own with my children so my husband could be a man child.

Luckily I married a man who enjoys spending time with me.

QuintessentialShadows · 30/11/2010 10:49

Bonsoir, you have been a 1950s housewife in Paris for so long you have forgotten what life is like for a married mother in Britain in 2010.

Hardly ANY married woman spend her time alone with her child at the weekend, she will be very lucky to find ANYBODY to spend any time with, as everybody is busy doing family things.

She will have to make friends with a lot of single mums in order for your suggestions to work.

Trust me, I have tried, as I have a husband who has been away for up to 3 months at the time. The weekends was a nightmare, all alone, no adult company, when all my married friends were busy with their families, No room for poor old quint.

I agree totally with spidookly. And Herbeatitude

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 30/11/2010 10:50

and likening it to being a single parent is absolutely ridiculous. If had only 20% of my weekends to do childcare on my own I'd be bloody ecstatic!

spidookly · 30/11/2010 10:51

Counting hours up FFS.

If you hate your children and partner so much that you need to count up the hours you can have away from them, then maybe best to leave so you never have to see them at all and can spend all the time on your precious "passion"

Litchick · 30/11/2010 10:51

And I would ask why anyone - man or woman - who sees little of their partner and their child during the working week, would want to then spend one day of their two free, away from their partner and child.

Crikey, separated parents see more of their children than that.

CandlestickMaker · 30/11/2010 10:52

Maybe the OP should have had this conversation with her DH before they concieved then.

"DH and I have been together 8 years, he's passionate about cricket and plays it (not very well, got the duck cup last season) most Saturday's during the season"

It's a handful of Saturday's throughout the year.

Your being a bit precious IMO.

If he wants to spend Saturday's playing cricket do you really think he will enjoy family time instead when he has been banned from playing??

GetOrfMoiLand · 30/11/2010 10:53

I am so going to be nice to DP when I get home tonight, in thanks that he is not one of those selfish wankers as displayed by some posters on this thread.

spidookly · 30/11/2010 10:54

It must be so shit to be married to someone whose main aim is to get away from you and your children at the weekend.

FunkySnowSkeleton · 30/11/2010 10:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 30/11/2010 10:54

Hmm - I counted up the hours to make a point that actually it's not taking up as much time out of the precious weekend family time as people seem to think it is when taken into context over the whole year.

Litchick · 30/11/2010 10:55

I just think it's a shame he doesn't want to spend more time with his baby.

thelibster · 30/11/2010 10:55

BaggedandTagged and if every father in the team did that then there soon wouldn't be a team especially as they will all presumably take a couple of weeks off playing in the school summer holidays to take a family holiday. Then you get teams made up of older men and boys and the mainstays of the team, the younger, fitter, yet experienced men are only around sporadically because they are all doing child care duties. Hmm

CandlestickMaker · 30/11/2010 10:56

"She will have to make friends with a lot of single mums in order for your suggestions to work."

Or how about - stretch your imagination for this one girls - making friends with the other wives/partners of the crickiters?!

How about arranging to watch, have a barbeque etc.

Or you could stamp your feet and whinge about 'me time' and 'family time'.

spidookly · 30/11/2010 10:57

I know, GetOrf - people complain about MN and its "leave him" brigade but that ignores all the women who have been made to realise how nice their partner is compared to what lots of women are prepared to put up with.

HerBeatitude · 30/11/2010 10:57

Good idea candle - they can make the teas, wash up afterwards and then wipe the cricketer's arses as well.

martha7731 · 30/11/2010 10:57

This thread is moving quickly - have only been gone 15 minutes!

To whoever said that if the OP had 10 hours a week to pursue her 'passion', they would have no 'family time': this is just not true. She doesn't need to use her 10 hours all on every Sunday. She could have two evenings out a week. Or she could build up all her free time and then take a week's holiday out of the cricket season when her DH looks after the kids. Or he could get up with them every morning in the week so she uses her free hours sleeping. Whatever.

My general point was that it is fine for a man (or woman) to have time to pursue a sporting passion, if a principle of equality applies. Not necessarily literally hour for hour - but a recognition that when the OP wants free time to do something, she should be given it.

But I find that with these men who simply 'have to' play sport for one day out of seven, this general principle of equality tends not to apply. Funny that...

CandlestickMaker · 30/11/2010 10:57

"It must be so shit to be married to someone whose main aim is to get away from you and your children at the weekend."

Oh come on.

Is this really his main aim? Really???!

See, hysterical.

Litchick · 30/11/2010 10:58

thelibster - I think a lot of working men don't consider spending time with their children as 'childcare duties'.

QuintessentialShadows · 30/11/2010 10:58

candlestickmaker, op does not want to. Fair dos.

spidookly · 30/11/2010 10:58

"Then you get teams made up of older men and boys and the mainstays of the team, the younger, fitter, yet experienced men are only around sporadically because they are all doing child care duties. "

Oh NOES

Amateur cricket team made up of men without other responsibilities - the world will end!

CandlestickMaker · 30/11/2010 10:58

It's a great idea... the kids love it.

Why so bitter?

GetOrfMoiLand · 30/11/2010 10:59

Christ, I cannot imagine wanting to spend a precious day of my weekend with brain dead sports widows who are quite happy to perpetuate some kind of mindless 1950s view of life.

Take along a bottle of mogadon hidden under the cupcakes, sure it would be heartily welcomed.

Bonsoir · 30/11/2010 10:59

I know plenty of mothers who are alone on Saturdays because their DP is working. They don't mope and moan - they do nice things with their DCs and other girlfriends.

In fact, I don't notice any sort of complaining at all Wink