Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say to DH that a cricket match every Saturday isn't acceptable now we have a baby?

663 replies

HollyBollyBooBoo · 30/11/2010 03:32

DH and I have been together 8 years, he's passionate about cricket and plays it (not very well, got the duck cup last season) most Saturday's during the season, meaning he's out the house from about midday until 10pm (pitch set up, match, post match drinking) plus goes on 'tour' (a p!ss up in Devon for a few days).

I said to him casually the other day that he won't really be able to do that every Saturday next season, maybe every other would be more appropriate now that we have a DD. I went on to say that I'll be back at work FT, so we need family time together, I'll help round the house and couldn't he play more golf instead which means he's only out of the house for a few hours but is still getting some exercise.

He went mad, literally couldn't believe what I was suggesting and couldn't see the problem with him being out pretty much all day Saturday! Even went onto to say 'don't try and control me, I've dumped girlfriends for less!' I was soooo shocked, we are thick as thieves normally and literally never argue, just work things through if there is a mild difference of opinion, so this really shook me, he was so vehement in his response!

When do we get family time?

When do I get c.10 hours off to do as I please?

OP posts:
motherinferior · 01/12/2010 09:58

LeQueen, I totally agree too Grin.

LeQueen · 01/12/2010 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam · 01/12/2010 19:03

Spiookly, I well remember that shock to the system once a newborn arrives and you realise you are tied to this creature until..... whenever. DH came across me standing at the ironing board sobbing and sobbing.
He pointed out that DS had just been fed and he reckoned I had about 3 hours "free" before the next feed. He therefore booted me out the front door to go shopping with a friend. Came home when my boobs told me to!
It was exactly what I needed - to know that he (and DS) could cope without me and that we were in it together.

Makes such a difference.

mariepuree · 01/12/2010 19:38

OP is BU.

I attend a number of committee meetings during week, attend a sport activity each week and sometimes attend activities at the weekend. If DH told me to cut down, I would tell him where to go.

I think OP's DH should cut back on the after-cricket activities though - perhaps restrict them to once a month.

DH and I are in a partnership that respects the interests of the other. We both work full-time and our separate interests give us plenty to talk about.

When the boys were born, DH started a MBA and disappeared most weekends. I did not begrudge him this because I would have done the same.

To those women who resent their husbands hobby, get your own hobby.

HerBeatitude · 01/12/2010 20:21

er, mp, can you advise how one gets a hobby when every waking hour is taken up with a new born baby and a toddler to look after?

Truckulent · 01/12/2010 20:25

Share the childcare?

HerBeatitude · 01/12/2010 20:49

And um.... that's what the OP's DH isn't doing, no? Isn't that what this thread's all about?

ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers · 01/12/2010 20:56

How can the op's dh share the childcare if he's playing cricket? Why should he get all the good Saturdays? What happens if something that the op wants to do happens to take place on a Saturday in the summer months? I don't necessarily mean every Saturday, it could be a one off or an occasional thing.

I'd be pretty pissed off if I was told I couldn't do something that was important to me because 'my dh'/his hobby was more important than me/mine.

Truckulent · 01/12/2010 20:56

Does the OP have a new born and a toddler?

I must have misread it.

HerBeatitude · 01/12/2010 21:27

No sorry she doesn't.

Grin

I just said that to confuse.

Not really, I got confused. She has a baby but she's going back to work full time. So she'll have a baby-growing-into-toddler.

And she's doing all the shit-work of the house herself and at least one day of the weekend doing all the childcare and possibly the other day as well if his sense of entitlement is as developed as it sounds.

Hobbies are for people who are either childless, or whose kids have got a bit bigger, or have a huge network of willing babysitters. (Unless of course, your hobby is changing nappies, in which case you are well placed to pursue it in the OP's circs.)

Truckulent · 01/12/2010 21:33

I've said this before, before we had dc I was clueless, and didn't believe it would change my life, how wrong I was. Hopefully he'll learn and muck in. If they work together equally they can both have free time.

HerBeatitude · 01/12/2010 21:39

I don't think he will learn though, the baby's already here.

If he were going to muck in, he'd have done so by now.

The OP should develop a hobby very quickly, before the cricket season starts, so she can have every Saturday off to pursue it. After 2 weeks, you can guarantee that he will no longer be willing to do all the childcare on Saturdays in the winter, so she may have a stronger negotiation lever, although I suspect she won't as he'll just dump her if she doesn't do what he wants.

spidookly · 01/12/2010 21:47

clam - what a great DH :) I honestly would never have thought of doing so simple on my own at that stage.

The tie of the boobs in particular is so strong. The physical bond to the baby really blew my mind.

The difference by the second was immense - my Stockholm syndrome was complete and so I actually considered breastfeeding to be free time because I could do it and MN at the same time!

More relaxing than running around after a toddler!

maltesers · 01/12/2010 21:50

I agree with you HOLLYBOLLYBOOBOO he shouldnt play every Saturday. . imagine if you did that and left him with the babe . . .EVERY Sat !! Switch the boot on the other foot and see how he likes it.

A1980 · 01/12/2010 23:01

It's easy to say the OP should get her own hobby but I think the point is, she doesn't want to eff off and have her own hobby and leave him with the baby while. She'd like more family time and not be stuck alone for 10 hours every Saturday. I don't think she's being unreasonable to limit it to every other week.

ChippingIn · 02/12/2010 01:49

Holly - how have things been?

Original poster
HollyBollyBooBoo · 02/12/2010 02:28

So a little update...spoke to DH last night, very calmy, very rationally.

He apologised for what he said about dumping girlfriends for less, admitted it was daft and it was said in the heat of the moment and not genuinely meant blah blah blah.

He agrees that things will have to change when I go back to work and he does understand that I will need help around the house and he's absolutely happy to have DD so that I have 'me' time. TBH thought that was good enough progress for one night and as a lot of you gave me the advice to not worry about something that is still 5 months away I decided to leave it there!

Showed him DanDanDans link which he thought was hysterical - thanks Dan!

P.S Anyone following the Ashes...anyone?!

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 02/12/2010 02:50

Hi

I hope he also promised not to say such a gittish thing again?!

Gently gently gets the ..... whatever the hell it was?!

No, I haven't seen hardly any of the Ashes :( and considering I am up till stupid o'clock it's quite suprising, but I only have channels 1-5 (stone age I know!, but can't see the point in paying for more repeats on sky!).

Truckulent · 02/12/2010 07:32

I'm watching the ashes,flipping brilliant.

I would say get him involved from day one with the baby. You'll both make mistakes, but don't let him feel he's 'helping' but an equal.

And he should do 50/50 the housework, we worked on the assumption that the person who was SAH had worked a full day so when the WOH came in from 'work' all bets were off and we all mucked in.

twopeople · 02/12/2010 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JamieLeeCurtis · 02/12/2010 07:53

Chippin:

It's "slowly slowly catchy monkey"

OP - I think you have done the right thing. He was a wally but he has apologised.

HerBeatitude · 02/12/2010 08:37

You'll both be working full time, but he'll "help" you round the house? Why is he only helping? Why is it your responsibility? As Truckulent says, he should be doing 50/ 50, not helping you because the household work is your responsibility. Unless of course, you enjoy doing domestic work, in which case, lucky you, you've got a hobby. Grin

spidookly · 02/12/2010 09:15

I think he must be planning to hire a housekeeper and offering to "help" around the house just to keep his hand in.

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 02/12/2010 09:29

Mmm. Yes, while that is good progress for one night I don't quite gather why you (who will be working full-time) will need "help" around the house. Two parents, both working full-time, are both equally responsible for the housework. As soon as you start seeing it as one person's responsibility while the other "helps" you are teetering at the top of a very slippery slope.

HerBeatitude · 02/12/2010 10:11

Professor - but this couple obviously do see it as her responsibility, not both of their's.

Holly is in for an exhausting few years.