to say to DH that a cricket match every Saturday isn't acceptable now we have a baby?

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

DH and I have been together 8 years, he's passionate about cricket and plays it (not very well, got the duck cup last season) most Saturday's during the season, meaning he's out the house from about midday until 10pm (pitch set up, match, post match drinking) plus goes on 'tour' (a p!ss up in Devon for a few days).

I said to him casually the other day that he won't really be able to do that every Saturday next season, maybe every other would be more appropriate now that we have a DD. I went on to say that I'll be back at work FT, so we need family time together, I'll help round the house and couldn't he play more golf instead which means he's only out of the house for a few hours but is still getting some exercise.

He went mad, literally couldn't believe what I was suggesting and couldn't see the problem with him being out pretty much all day Saturday! Even went onto to say 'don't try and control me, I've dumped girlfriends for less!' I was soooo shocked, we are thick as thieves normally and literally never argue, just work things through if there is a mild difference of opinion, so this really shook me, he was so vehement in his response!

When do we get family time?

When do I get c.10 hours off to do as I please?

Clam- do you think the threads on AIBU are a true representation of life though?

Holly - you have permission to bow out . You have held up very well under this barrage discussion

I'm out at work all week, which means I like to spend time with my husband at the weekends, as well as our children.

It does matter to me that he's there, I would hate to be in a marriage where I didn't care whether I saw him.

We used to have Friday evening and Sunday evening together, Sunday morning and lunch as family together, he played golf all Saturday and I buggered off to tennis on Sunday afternoons leaving him in charge. Worked very well for us at the time. 'Twas only later when he lost his job and found solace at the bottom of a wine bottle (or several) that the rot set in.

HollyBolly

Wow, now it's 600 posts in a day!!

Hell of a thread this is that you started - good job.
^
(>)
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you really are one smug wifey spid. what with your lubbly husband and your grown up civilised kids an all.

Pip Pip!

Is this thread longer than the Test Match ?

Am looking to the future btw...your grown up kids and still the four smug spuds enjoying quali'y time togever at weekends with no nasty hobbies to piss either of you off.

kids might be into cage fighting by then. a lot of giving them lifts around the country for 'matches'

they can catch the feckin bus. uncompromising little nothings.

(haven't read the whole thread)

YADefintelyNOTBU.

Tell him he either needs to take up sprinting (all over in 10 seconds), or grow up.

Can't get over these men who don't change a bit when a baby comes along...

Haven't read the thread

Unlike - that was a joke, mirroring the whole "if you were a proper Mum you'd want to be alone with your children after abandoning them all week", but then it felt mean so I left it half finished.

You're right, it did sound smug.

I think you should have discussed this before you even considered getting pregnant, and if it was surprise you should have discussed it during the pregnancy not once the child was here.

He now probably feels trapped.

ClassyFiva - you are like a broken fucking record. Do you ever have anything helpful to say? Ever???

Pmsl @ classyFiva :o

cheap classy - the best kind!

I have not read the whole thread, I can't see why he does not want to spend every second weekend at home with his family.

Cannot be bothered to read the whole thread.

DP played cricket every Saturday, even when dd was born 3 years ago, then ds 2 years ago. He retired season just gone.

I wouldn't go on at him to quit. May cause resentment.

Plus, if he carries on playing, when your dd is older you can make him take her with him to games then you have Saturday's free

Having just spent a good hour of my insomnia reading this thread I really only have one thing to add...

If you marry someone with a hobby they are passionate about it is naive to expect them to stop it when you decide to have kids. If you expected him to stop playing cricket when you had children this expectation should have been discussed before having kids.
I wouldn't go to watch and do teas etc, but the cricket season is shorter than that of many sports and usually only involves Sat pm and early evening. My bloke was usually gone 12-7.
I think you still need your hobbies and friends when you have kids.

Have not read the whole thread but I am in a similarish situation in that my husband sails. When I read the thread title I thought YABU but when I read the fact that it takes up the whole day I agree that the time needs to be cut back. He either needs to be doing maybe 5 hours every Saturday or the whole lot every couple of weeks.
I haven't read the whole thread but it is just not fair to expect you to work full time and then pick up the entire childcare every Saturday, presumably you don't have a cleaner so you will be doing housework as well. My DH works shifts and some weeks I can go 6 days hardly seeing him and having to do every bedtime on my own as he is working 3-midnight or nights. It's very lonely parenting when you rarely see your partner.

It doesn't sound much of a life that he is expecting you to lead, OP.

"He now probably feels trapped"

So what if he does? Probably, so does the OP. We all probably feel trapped. I'll tell you what, why don't we all just not feel trapped by our children and do like some of you think men should do when they have kids and refuse to be trapped by them and just carry on as before - oh, I know why, it's because if women did that, the babies would DIE and they would be sent to prison. And if enough of us did it, the human race would die out.

I haven't read whole thread but YABU.

I presume this wasn't something you discussed before you had children.

I think there are 2 points here - firstly that the OP should have some "me" time as well as her DH, and that they need family time.

I think totally unreasonable for him to exoect you to work full time and then childcare every saturday all day, esp if its until 10pm, esp as he went mad when you suggested every 2nd week as a compromise. But it sounds like he is unlikely to change him mind - TBH I am surprised that you didn't discuss before having children.

As a mum with 3 DC I would say that this might be ok with just one child, and it might be nice to have some one to one time with your DD on a saturday, eg find swimming lesson etc, but very difficult with 2 or 3 children, esp when older. Something to discuss before you have another child.

ANd make sure that he agrees that you have some me time on sunday - i go to the gym whilst dh looks after the dc. re: the family time this can be done on a sunday after your "me" time. JUst make sure he realised what a sacrifice the saturday is.

Well said HerBe

I well remember how completely trapped I felt when DD1 was born. I mean actually physically trapped - the realisation that from now on I could only walk to places that could be reached without stairs. It was terrifying.

So I adjusted to my new circumstances. It's great how flexible humans are.

I did have a few thoughts in the early days of seeing if I could give her to my mother so that I wouldn't have to adjust.

But then I realised that that was stupid, that is was MY job to look after her and rearrange my life now that she was in it.

To refuse to step up and accept that responsibility seems so childish and pathetic. I find it quite weird how many men you read about on here who seem to revel in a kind of puerile dependence on their wives. Where is their self respect?