to say to DH that a cricket match every Saturday isn't acceptable now we have a baby?

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

DH and I have been together 8 years, he's passionate about cricket and plays it (not very well, got the duck cup last season) most Saturday's during the season, meaning he's out the house from about midday until 10pm (pitch set up, match, post match drinking) plus goes on 'tour' (a p!ss up in Devon for a few days).

I said to him casually the other day that he won't really be able to do that every Saturday next season, maybe every other would be more appropriate now that we have a DD. I went on to say that I'll be back at work FT, so we need family time together, I'll help round the house and couldn't he play more golf instead which means he's only out of the house for a few hours but is still getting some exercise.

He went mad, literally couldn't believe what I was suggesting and couldn't see the problem with him being out pretty much all day Saturday! Even went onto to say 'don't try and control me, I've dumped girlfriends for less!' I was soooo shocked, we are thick as thieves normally and literally never argue, just work things through if there is a mild difference of opinion, so this really shook me, he was so vehement in his response!

When do we get family time?

When do I get c.10 hours off to do as I please?

Candlestickmaker "(However I would find it a bit odd to have a conversation along the lines of: "right so if we do have a baby, you will have to cut down/ replace your part time hobby because I can't cope on my own with a baby"). Regardless of sex, not sure why your putting a sexist spin on it?"

What sexist spin?
I think if you're planning to do something as lifechanging as ttc, it might be an idea to discuss how you think it would change your lifestyle, yes. That might involve something like "do you think you'll still be able to spend half your w'ends playing sport once we're parents?".

Spidookly "I think in fact that you are the person who suggested that the OP should contrive to arrange her friendships around her husband's cricketing.

Still, nice to see you using 18th Century misogyny to put other women down. It makes your submissive sexism so quaint."

Was that aimed at me, as your post prior to that was??

Actually, yes spidookly I do think couples should discuss these sorts of issues before they have a child (perhaps before they get married) - I know that not every situation is clear cut but a major decision, like bringing a child into the world, should be worthy of spending some time in serious discussion. (It took me 12 years of discussion until I agreed to have a child ). It has been said numerous times on this thread - the OP knew her husband was a very keen cricketer, what made her think he would change how he spent his Saturdays?

"If I were a man I'd be giving one or two a very wide berth indeed!"

Why?

Surely if you were a man you'd be just as submissive and adoring as you are now and would quite like a lady who told you what to do?

I've just read it starts at midday...so it's not even a full day.

Half a day, most Saturday's during the summer season.

Well it took me no minutes of no discussions to decide to have a child.

I can't be doing with all these deep and meaningfuls and agonising over big decisions.

And I'm glad I didn't waste my time because no amount of thinking about it would have helped me to understand what having children is really like.

In the immortal words of one particularly scary lady:

"children take up time and space and attention." - and SO much of it. More than I knew even existed.

"what made her think he would change how he spent his Saturdays?"

What made him think she would change how she spent hers?

Unless she has spent the last 8 childfree years looking after a baby for 10 hours every Saturday, the person who is making the biggest presumption here is HIM.

peering - sorry x posts. My post wasn't aimed at you.

Is this still going on? Goodness me, this just isn't cricket.

I can't read any more I'm afraid. There is too much misspelling of your/you're for me. I know it is bad form to point it out, but just so everyone is aware:

Is this your camera? - your: belonging to you
You're all bonkers - you're: abbreviation of "you are".

Hopefully the person that is aimed at will figure out it is them. Again, apologies, but it is important to learn, especially if you spend the entire day writing it.

But was has she been doing all these other Saturdays?

OP What have you done in the past to 'accommodate' your husbands hobby?

To be mildly serious for a moment.

Holly's DH is talking about a game of cricket.

That's right, a game.

He is not negotiating a settlement on the west bank, nor he is he handing out food packs to the homeless.

So actually, the world will not grind to a halt (or even tilt on it's axis for a moment) if he doesn't get to play one week out of two, will it?

Have now lost the plot entirely and am searching through posts trying to find instances of misuse of your and you're.

Ah I see Loopy.

So Your: pointless post.
You're: a bit of twat for pointing that out.

at Loopyloops & Gooftroop

@ CandlestickMaker too!

CandlestickMaker well done!

Now can you do the same to explain the use of the apostrophe?

'Insisting on time with her husband on a Saturday when it's the only time he can play cricket might actually be seen as being a bit unreasonable though.' I think insisting on playing cricket every Saturday is unreasonable, much like I felt it was unreasonable of my dh to bugger off sailing every Saturday and Sunday and during weekday evenings when it was the sailing season.

The OP could do what I did which is to earn stacks of overtime pay and put it in the 'I'm off' account; oh no, she can't, she has to do the childcare!

loopy!
I've been sitting on my hands avoiding that one. And now here we have possessive its with an apostrophe!
Are there grammar classes that run on Summer Saturdays? That would accommodate babies and toddlers while Husbands are Out Passionately Doing Sports?

Spidookly- how have you managed to keep this outrage up all day? You must be exhausted.

What has she been doing all these other Saturdays? I have no idea- but presumably things which will be extremely inconvenienced by having a baby in tow. Why the assumption that she should take the baby with her, or just stay home? Why does the husband not have to assume equal responsibility for the care of his child on a Saturday?

Because people keep coming back on supporting the OP's unreasonable DH.

Clam - maybe we can incorporate embroidery and shopping into the grammar childcare experience?

How have others managed to spend all day defending The Important Man With His Hobby? Shouldn't they be pressing a shirt or something?

And can anyone point to one single poster who has said that it's unreasonable for a bloke to play sport or have a hobby?

:o

Outrage is my "thing" on MN, I can't like it slip for a minute!

I do hope I'm one of the scary women.

I nearly always find that when people describe women as scary, they're talking about said scary women's propensity to expect to be treated as if they're as human as a man.

candle - I am so glad you have a lovely life and relationship. I wonder if you would mind explaining how this is achieved? How many dc, what are their ages? What ft jobs do you both do? Who does what at the w/es?