to say to DH that a cricket match every Saturday isn't acceptable now we have a baby?

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

DH and I have been together 8 years, he's passionate about cricket and plays it (not very well, got the duck cup last season) most Saturday's during the season, meaning he's out the house from about midday until 10pm (pitch set up, match, post match drinking) plus goes on 'tour' (a p!ss up in Devon for a few days).

I said to him casually the other day that he won't really be able to do that every Saturday next season, maybe every other would be more appropriate now that we have a DD. I went on to say that I'll be back at work FT, so we need family time together, I'll help round the house and couldn't he play more golf instead which means he's only out of the house for a few hours but is still getting some exercise.

He went mad, literally couldn't believe what I was suggesting and couldn't see the problem with him being out pretty much all day Saturday! Even went onto to say 'don't try and control me, I've dumped girlfriends for less!' I was soooo shocked, we are thick as thieves normally and literally never argue, just work things through if there is a mild difference of opinion, so this really shook me, he was so vehement in his response!

When do we get family time?

When do I get c.10 hours off to do as I please?

Your moobs getting in the way of the screen BeenBeta?

I'm multitasking while my wife is out.

Blimey!

What to do first...call the lawyer to initiate divorce, call a therapist to work on my self esteem issues or maybe take the slightly more pragmatic approach and talk to DH in an adult fashion and come to a mutually agreeable decision, which, yes I know, I should have done in the first place.

No I didn't feel threatened by his 'dumped girlfriends for less comment' just thought it was utterly petulant and it p!ssed me off that he put me, his partner of 8 years and mother of his child into the same category as ex-girlfriends.

Notmyproblem - please feel free not to read such threads if they irritate you so much!

Holly, you will come back and let us know once you've beaten him into submission talked to him again, won't you?

You did talk to him in an adult fashion though, it's just that he didn't like it and threatened you.

What kind of adult fashion are you going to attempt next time?

"adult" as in porn?

"adult" as in, you act nice and submissive and make sure he never feels like you "control" him by asking him to do his fair share

Also, maybe the first thing you need to do is ask for an apology for the dreadful thing he said to you and his nasty presumption that you are his slave?

"mutually agreeable decision"s are hard to come to when one person has things entirely their own way.

It's why Northern Irish politics is so ridiculous. You have people getting aggrieved because half of the community don't agree that they should be shat on by the other.

Finally - are you going to continue to be his skivvy?

Or is it OK for him to control you by forcing you to do all the housework?

Wow Holly - this has been the thread of the day - it's clocked up 400 posts!!

You're a star.

Boy is he in for a shock because by the time he's done his day job, driven an hour to get home, cleaned the house, cooked the dinner, served it to me, done the dishes, bathed the baby, fed her, put her to bed, taken the dog for a walk, put the rubbish out and written the xmas cards, the bugger will be too knackered to argue and victory will be mine!

Spidookly - do you offer 1-2-1 therapy sessions? Sign me up!

You mean sign HIM up :o

Perhaps for those cricket slaves, have you considered that for some people watching cricket is like watching paint dry only more boring?

Have you considered that if the OP is working f/t, doing all the domestics and childcare, that going out and making nice to women with whom you have nothing in common but cricket widowhood, and doing yet more domestics, cricket tea, might be the last thing she wants to do?

Have you considered that perhaps she wants time with her husband on a Saturday and that that is not unreasonable?

As for those who say she is controlling - I have yet to meet a man who doesn't instantly proffer a solution to a problem; it's how their brains work mostly...that's all she's done, thought through the problem and come up with a potential solution that still provides the opportunity for sport. That's far nicer than I would have been.

And as for the comment 'he has a need for cricket' ... I'll give you my list of things I need; I'm not likely to get them though, and am adult enough to realise it.

My father is always willing to try exotic foods and has eaten a range of animals and animal parts, but couldn't face Swedish surströmming (herring fermented to a putrid liquid) - it was on QI a few weeks back - god the smell!!

Anyone tried civet coffee?

I think that for me, perhaps one of the most shocking things about this thread is that people actually enjoy watching cricket.

Janos - I could not agree more.

Spidookly - now you and DH in a therapy session together would be worth it's weight in gold - prime time viewing!!

(I had to put the word 'therapy' in there because 'you and DH in a session together' sounded so wrong on so many levels!)

Off to do the food shopping...I know, I know but if I sent him we'd get beer and ice cream and maybe some treats for the dog, yet another failure on my behalf to train him how to menu plan and then shop accordingly. Or actually maybe I can lay the blame of that one at his Mother's door?

If I ever have a son I make it my life's work to make him the best husband EVER!

I can't believe people like: strictly,x factor,eastenders, shopping, horse riding, celebrity, fashion,golf, bird watching, trainspotting, knitting... Takes all sorts.

:o

I don't see why you have to have a converstation about it now.

When does the cricket season start?

You might find that by the time it comes round:

a) he won't want to play and will want to be at home with you his DD (gotta be better than being made to stay home)

or

b) you'll actually be glad to get rid of him for a few hours on a Saturday.

"gotta be better than being made to stay home"

yes, those bastard children and their demands!

erm wrong thread, sorry

fwiw, think OP should always go to the cricket & heckle shout advice to dh, always goes down well

candlestick - you really are odd. Have you read the surrenderd wife?

I have to say, most of you on this thread make having children sound horrendous

No, we just don't think children are the primary responsibility of the one with the ovaries. Cos guess what? It's 2010!!!!!!!!!

The OP has gone to her DH with a 'solution' to his cricket hobby 6 months before it has become (if it even was going to be) a problem. But I'm the odd one.

Why do you think I think differently Hully?