to say to DH that a cricket match every Saturday isn't acceptable now we have a baby?

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

DH and I have been together 8 years, he's passionate about cricket and plays it (not very well, got the duck cup last season) most Saturday's during the season, meaning he's out the house from about midday until 10pm (pitch set up, match, post match drinking) plus goes on 'tour' (a p!ss up in Devon for a few days).

I said to him casually the other day that he won't really be able to do that every Saturday next season, maybe every other would be more appropriate now that we have a DD. I went on to say that I'll be back at work FT, so we need family time together, I'll help round the house and couldn't he play more golf instead which means he's only out of the house for a few hours but is still getting some exercise.

He went mad, literally couldn't believe what I was suggesting and couldn't see the problem with him being out pretty much all day Saturday! Even went onto to say 'don't try and control me, I've dumped girlfriends for less!' I was soooo shocked, we are thick as thieves normally and literally never argue, just work things through if there is a mild difference of opinion, so this really shook me, he was so vehement in his response!

When do we get family time?

When do I get c.10 hours off to do as I please?

"So everything we've done prior to children be it work, sleep, have sex, play cricket has to be reassessed. Cos while we're doing it, someone has to look after the child."

Except, in what appears to be a worrying number of households, that someone still seems to be the woman.

As a bloke who had to deal with the impact of DCs on his sporting activities, I would guess that he has already been thinking about this and his outburst is simply a product of his fear of knowing that this conversation would come along one day! (Not to justify it by the way).

Is there no way he can still play cricket but stop the related socialising? Make sure that he carries the can on Sunday's and does a fair shift during the week as well?

Personally, my sport (football in Winter, cricket in Summer) gives me social time, exercise, time away from work and family etc. None of these things are essential, but they are important and it is important that you are both able to get them into your life.

My wife allows me to have Saturdays (I asked nicely ), but there is no more pub after sport these days and I make sure that she has similar time to do whatever she wants with, while I take DD.

The best days are when the sun is shining and DW brings DD to cricket/football for a picnic and to watch Daddy play. These are great family times for everybody.

Hopefully you'll find something that works. Just don't tell him that he can't do something. Anyone would react badly to that.

Won't bother reading the 12pages!!!

But I think yanbu. Saying he's dumped people for less is bull shit as well. Why should you babysit all day Saturday so he can have the day off? You are not controlling him, the baby is, let him take it to the cricket with him.

Part of what makes this thread so freaky is the attitude of "I love my man, he works so hard for us, I am so proud of him, and I am happy for him to pursue his hobby while I shop with my girlfriends." So utterly Stepford and putting themselves second. Really really weird.

The second part is the attitude that the op is controlling. Words fail. Pass the valium and floral apron.

Well, we've provided a nice activity for the OP to do this Saturday whilst her DH looks after the baby: reading this thread back.

The best days are when the sun is shining and DW brings DD to cricket/football for a picnic and TO WATCH DADDY PLAY. These are great family times for everybody.

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

"When I (foolishly) inquired why a haircut took 4 hours"

At least you are both fully aware of how long it will take.

I also don't understand why it takes so long, so would have told you I'd be back in an hour.

Cue frantic phone call with my hair covered in foil telling you that actually it might be a bit longer...

:o

There now - OP - take your DH to a Sinister Women Only Country Club at the end of a windy tree-lined driveway, and have him replaced by a cloned version of the very reasonable DeepHeat.

BeenBeta, I do my hair every two months (three at a push). Do your wife do hers every saturday?

clam - but she 'completes me'. [ironic smile]

I think his days of being a cricket player out of home (CPOH) are numbered. He'll have to become SAHC and watch it on the tv.

I'll ask some of my cricket teammates if they plan on becoming SAHC in the future.

What Hully said! [bears]

ffs

venus
"There were plenty of times when a child would be left in front of the TV while one of us cooked dinner and the other tiled the bathroom, or when a golden-time afternoon was infact both of us struggling to placate a whingey child who was teething and had a cold."

I'm living those times now, and your description is pretty accurate. We don't do much of TV watching here (still too little) but you're right, a lot of the time DH and I spend together is doing jobs and trying to keep a baby and toddler happy.

BUT if we didn't have that time then the bathroom wouldn't be tiled, or one of us would be alone trying to placate a miserable child.

It's not about idyllic times doing virtuous things out of Centre Parcs (whatever that is), it's about getting all the jobs done and eking out a little fun where can, and doing it together, since this whole children lark is a joint undertaking.

motherinferior's descriptions chimes with me too .

Quint - nah just every few months. I really would be saying someting if it was every Saturday.

I cant believe some of the answers on this thread. I think some women need to grow a pair.

I think some men need to grow a pair.

Well OP may not be controlling in real life, but her thread title is. She asked AIBU "to say that cricket every Saturday is not acceptable". And I'd say the answer to that question is yes (when the question is phrased like that).

It would not be unresasonable if the question was "to have a discussion with dh about how our family takes priority over his hobby" or "to expect that dh will be willing to compromise now that we have a baby".

But I guess none of that makes in interesting thread

It is VVV unreasonable that her dh responded as he did though.

Some of our best family time is spent cosied up in front of the fire, watching mummy play Fighting With Strangers On The Internet for hours at a time. If you have plenty of stuff in for snacks it's fun for everyone. Such a good example for the kids too.

Truck - lets leave my moobs out of it.

I must have missed the bit where the OP's partner rejected all the ways he could reciprocate and give the OP time by herself as well as the amount of family all together time that she wants. Oh wait, that's because he hasn't been offered those ways to do it - he's been offered one way of arranging things, which is the way where he gives up half his cricket time. He doesn't like that solution, but we don't actually know his opinion on the other possible solutions. We know the OP doesn't like them as much as the 'dh stops half his cricket' style of weekend, or she wouldn't have plumped for that as the way things had to be, but we don't know what he thinks of them. Maybe he'd knock himself out to make them work? We don't really know do we?

It is possible that the 'dh gives up half his cricket' style of weekend isn't the only possible way they could make things work. I think maybe they could do with starting from scratch and looking at all the possible alternatives together, and really try to find a compromise that works. It isn't self-evident that the OP's way is the best and only way.

Not that that excuses how he spoke to her, of course.

Makes for very interesting reading!

DH works his butt off at work, works probably more hours than I do (although I was doing c.40 hours per week) and travels abroad quite a bit with work. Whilst I've been on mat leave his contribution to the household has reduce from v. little to nothing - which I'm kinda fine with as I am at home all day. He's great with DD and does late feed etc.

When I go back to work though I can't do FT job, run house in its entirety and have 90% accountability for DD. What I should have said was 'I'll NEED help round the house', not 'I'll help round the house'!

I thought every other weekend for cricket (pref home games so he hasn't got to drive an hour each way) and maybe a round of golf in between was a good compromise.

in response - here is how i imagine sundays after a 'cricket' day.

OP's Dh wakes up, with mild hangover.

Hears baby from downstairs, heads down, gets himself breakfast, and after ten minutes of cbeebies and typical baby noise, decides that in actual fact, the best thing to do on a hangover is ruin a good walk.
He waits, gentleman like for the OP to have a quick shower, and to give the baby a bit of Daddy time - before loading his clubs an heading off....

it's not thst it's one day of the weekend - its that its at least one day of the weekend.

trouble is, both sides are right. my dad played county cricket so he cldn't compromise really. he would havt to have packed it in altogether and that would have made him v unhappy. he comes from long line of good cricketers. i wish actually mum had just gritted her teeth, taken part, joined in the teas and gossip and thus made it fun for us kids.
she was too rancorous and snobby to do that.

i still love cricket weirdly!!

Surely its just up to the OP to discuss this with her DH and for them both to come up with a mutually agreeable solution.

No good either one 'telling' the other whats going to happen.

As always what works for one family doesn't work for another.

Am sure many people on here would view me as a 'stepford wife' but hey - it works for us

YANBU

You won't need "help" around the house though. You will need to share the childcare and domestic duties during the times neither of you is at work (and incidentally, you'd also need to do that if you remain a SAHM).