to say to DH that a cricket match every Saturday isn't acceptable now we have a baby?

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

DH and I have been together 8 years, he's passionate about cricket and plays it (not very well, got the duck cup last season) most Saturday's during the season, meaning he's out the house from about midday until 10pm (pitch set up, match, post match drinking) plus goes on 'tour' (a p!ss up in Devon for a few days).

I said to him casually the other day that he won't really be able to do that every Saturday next season, maybe every other would be more appropriate now that we have a DD. I went on to say that I'll be back at work FT, so we need family time together, I'll help round the house and couldn't he play more golf instead which means he's only out of the house for a few hours but is still getting some exercise.

He went mad, literally couldn't believe what I was suggesting and couldn't see the problem with him being out pretty much all day Saturday! Even went onto to say 'don't try and control me, I've dumped girlfriends for less!' I was soooo shocked, we are thick as thieves normally and literally never argue, just work things through if there is a mild difference of opinion, so this really shook me, he was so vehement in his response!

When do we get family time?

When do I get c.10 hours off to do as I please?

YABU
Its only for what, 3 4 months in the summer. Can't you go too? at least for home games. DS has been taken to cricket most weekends all 5 summers hes been alive. Once he was mobile he had a fantastic time playing out side. he learnt to walk, kick a ball, ride his bike all at the club. He was confident being around older boys and men who were generally happy to gently kick or bowl him a ball to chase. As he got old enough he took on the job of cup boy at drinks ( taking over from a slightly older lad who became squash bottle carrier). Its been much more fun to be a cricket family than for boy and and I sit at home twiddling our thumbs wishing DH was home. Honestly , One late night a weekend won't do much harm to baby or toddler.

I do know where your coming from, DH reduced his cricket when DS was born to ONLY one day at the weekend and one evening mid week, he had been both weekend days and 2 evenings.
My choice of sports time was 2 evenings a week all year round for running and yoga, DH having to do bedtime on his own on those evenings.

What has the OP been doing on Saturday's up until now?

Why does it make such a difference that they now have a DD?

Spidoodly- have you never said anything out of order to anyone? You can be quite vitriolic on here, have you never done this in real life?

"Its been much more fun to be a cricket family than for boy and and I sit at home twiddling our thumbs wishing DH was home"

:o

Those are not the only choices, you know.

Does your DH cheer you on in your hobby that you do on Sundays all summer long?

candlesrickmaker

Is that a serious question? The difference is that if you have a small baby in tow there are a lot of things you cant do anymore. Here are some of them -

• play tennis
• go swimming
• go to a spa
• go for a hike/run
• go to a museum/ cinema/theatre

"Spidoodly- have you never said anything out of order to anyone? You can be quite vitriolic on here, have you never done this in real life?"

Huh?

I've never told my DH I'll dump him just like previous boyfriends if he doesn't do whatever the fuck I want without complaint, if that's what your asking.

And if I did (although it's really not my style) I would be mortified and so, so, so apologetic.

That really is a shocking thing to say to your wife.

Well, actually, now I am thinking about it....

They should find away to arrange their lives around his hobby.

My family now has to find ways to work around me working two evenings per week.
My dh being in the mountain rescue team, and will have to go on missions on very short notice all through winter.

We should all be doing what we feel is useful to us, even though we have families.
If his red cross activities coincides with my teaching, we need to arrange babysitters.

OP should therefore suggest to her dh that they get an au pair, so that the au pair has weekend duties when he is doing cricket, this way OP can find a hobby she can pursue on sundays, while her dh spends time with the au pair. (Do ensure you get a male au pair, as it is less likely your husband will stray then, you know, the hand that rocks the cradle)

These days, life is all about ME ME ME ME, and not about what is best for the family, and we should focus on every individual in the family getting quality ME time. Because without ME time, there will be no Us. Only Me. And that is what people will seek if they dont get their ME time in their marriage....

The focus is all skewed these days.

sorry rant over.

• get drunk

• spend time with child-hating friends

• wear a dress (if you're BFing)

• ignore your baby

• do a spot of soldering

• crew a film

• write a script

• edit video

For the reference to dumping girlfriends for less makes the OP's DH a twunt. And that's before you get round to the fact that she made a reasonable offer in the first place.

Er ....where is the OP?

We have no idea whether the DH is amenable to the OP having her 10 hours a week either? Nothing has been said on this subject. If he's happy to let her make the choice as to whether Sundays are her days or family time then it's a pretty fair compromise imo He is prepared to forego some family time in the summer months to pursue his hobby, provided he is prepared to let the OP make the same decision then fair enough. He is not demanding family time, she is, and she's also demanding that if he takes some time for himself then she should have the same amount of time for herself. Don't see that leaves the DH any say in the matter then which seems grossly unfair. Damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. Doesn't seem like an equal partnership to me.

"Does your DH cheer you on in your hobby that you do on Sundays all summer long?"

Actually, he comes does along too. and you know what, I think he likes being out on the moor or cycling as much as I like cricket.

It does leave her dh with a say in the matter. He can chose to forego his cricket if he wants family time.

• play tennis
• go swimming
• go to a spa

Most health clubs offer creche facilities so you could still go into the spa, play tennis, or swim if you don't want to take the baby in with you.

• go for a hike/run

Get a three wheeler pushchair, join a group that does fitness outside with pushchairs (plenty about now)

• go to a museum/ cinema/theatre

Most cinemas have a 'Parent and Baby' screening, usually on a Saturday, where you can take the baby in. You can take a baby to a musuem.

Does the OP have family/friends that could watch the baby for a few hours?

I'd say most women need to have a talk with their DH's about this sort of thing when they first become parents, or at some stage !

With my DH it's birdwatching. For some it's football, golf, fishing etc.etc.

It's a shock to the system becoming a Dad, just like it is becoming a Mum.

It's just that with most men some negotiation is needed to help them realise they need to share the responsibility !

Everything Spidoodly said was spot on. I'm not responding to Bonsoir's points because they are clearly for effect. She's a wag, that one.

Interesting post candle - the mum can do all of that with the baby - which makes me think that he can take the baby with him whilst playing cricket.

Why must the OP be responsible for organising her hobbies around childcare?

Let her DH play cricket with a child strapped to his back, or leave the baby in the cricket club creche.

Why on earth assume that the woman's (clearly LESS IMPORTANT) activities should be compromised by having to accommodate a baby.

Who the fuck wants to spend Saturday in a mother and baby cinema screening?

Seriously, fuck that. I'm still a full person now that I'm a mother. I don't only want to do shit things that work for babies so my DH can act as though he doesn't have any.

So really then all parents who have hobbies that take up 10 hours of their time a week, that doesn't involve the family should stop doing their hobby?

Why, oh why should the OP be instructed to Embrace Cricket Wifery? Presumably she's had eight years to try it on for size, and has decided she doesn't want to do it. I have to say the very idea makes my blood run cold.

Oh, and my partner faced the fact he couldn't do as much t'ai chi as he used to, and err got on with it. Sometimes he goes off and does t'ai chi. Sometimes he takes the Inferiorettes. But quite a lot of the time he doesn't, what with having other stuff in his life like kids and the hoovering and other fascinating weekend activities .

I am very jealous of Bonsoir's husband. I want a stepford wife too.

Parent and Baby spidookly, its not just for Mum's

Perhaps the OP should ask her husband to arrange childcare then.

Seriously though, he's done it for 8 years why should he give it up?

The OP is trying to impose on him her wants and wishes, it won't work.

Truck - no they should not give it up.

They should modify their life to take account of the fact that they have a child now.

So it's the longevity that makes the difference?

Aha. That makes sense. I'm still going to have a day childfree because I did that for 30 0dd years. Hey! I win!

op

my brother would and has reacted like this

he had a terrible previous relationship with a very controlling partner who chipped away at everything he had sport, friends and family

his wife now suggested he give up rugby and he reacted in almost the same way as your partner

could it be he has expereinced the same or seen the same in his friends/family

being part of a team means that he needs to be available to play
do the same on a sunday

I just can't get worked up about an individual (with or without children) wanting to spend less than 20% of their weekend time doing something they enjoy.