for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

[CareeringAlong]

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

no, I when I have the day off I have the day off

Plus the one and only benefit of having teenagers is to withhold allowance until they do chores and to blame the remaining mess on them [evil emoticon]

a1b2, why not? Do you have a garden?

yes have garden, twilight 3 or could risk leaving at home 2 hours and hope they don't kill each other or do anything daft. They would be ok, very sensible. My exhh claims he is "watching" me to make sure I don't leave them alone in house, after he called to collect and I was out collecting from nursery for 10 minutes.

oh dear...
I thought you had to work at home.
How old are they? Is work far away (is the "watching out of work window" solution possible?)

Most schools are closed today, are there any teenage neighbours/relatives that would be happy to sit with them for a few quid (and then your ex won't have an excuse to cause a fuss)

They 11 and 12 and work 5 mins walk away. So can be back really quick if any problems. Can't really watch out window unless tell them to stay in visible radius. Plus will be working so can't watch really and too cold for them to be out 2 hours. What can ex do anyway? Only say/text nasty stuff and learned to ignore is best solution to that.plus will only know if kids mention.

11 and 12 is old enough imo to be left alone, especially since you'll be 5'away. And it's only for 2 hours anyway...

They making arrangements to play out with friends in snow anyway so won't be in much. Will phone parents of kids playing with for help. Feel cheeky asking but got a solution.

xposts yes that's right only 2 hours and they are old enough.

and only 5 mins away.

Now next week working half an hour or so walk or bus 2 days for 3 hours. So out 4 hours 2 days. Maybe make just in case plans now. So don't have to look unreliable saying can't go in or have last minute panic.Would 4 hours out and half an hour away be acceptable I wonder? Trouble is most parents out working so unlikely to be in unless their work cancelled due to snow!

half an hour or so bus or walk away

So when you're answering the all-important party question re jobs op - what do you say?

'Oh, I'm a housewife at the moment but in three/four years' time I'll be going back to my glittering career in ...'

I'm afraid you're deluding yourself if you think anyone will listen beyond the first four words of that statement, love.

Being ashamed of what you do is never an appealing quality in anyone - you'd get more respect if you could summon up a sense of pride in what you are, not what you're planning to be when this embarrassing state of affairs is over.

'cockpit', like a surprisingly large number of other well-used phrases, derives from cock-fighting. 'Keep your pecker up', 'rule the roost', I could give you a dozen, but I don't think anyone will read it.

Cockfighting was made illegal donkey's years ago, but is alive in our language.

(can't remember who asked)

It would be nice if both sahms and wohms could simaltaneously feel smug.

Life for single parents can be a real bitch.

CareeringAlong - have you stopped to consider the things that SAHMs do that benefit other children (yours included)?

Whilst a SAHM I have been on my local NCT branch committee, and involved in organising Messy Morning play days, christmas events and coordinated post-natal support for parents in my area. I then went on to the playgroup committee - the playgroup could not run without its committee, so the work I did as secretary and then vice chair kept an important resource open for local parents and children.

Once my children were in school, I helped out at PTA events, and also went into the classroom on a regular basis, and provided additional support for the teacher, or did one-to-one reading with the children. I also volunteered in ds1's senior school, and helped keep the library open after the librarian resigned and before a new one was appointed, and again when the new librarian was ill. Had I not done so, the library would have been closed, and a valuable resource would not have been available for the pupils.

Think about all of that, the next time you are tempted to look down on SAHMs, and think whether your child and other people's children would be better or worse off if volunteers such as myself did not exist.

I believe that the vast majority of parents make the best decisions possible for their family and their circumstances - and that it would be stupid to say that every family should make the same decision, or that people who have made a different decision to me are somehow inferior parents.

I don't expect CareeringAlong to change her mind about the fact that it is best for her and for her children and family for her to go back to work - that is her decision and I respect that. However, I do think she should look long and hard at her unpleasantly superior and judgemental attitude to those of us who have made a different decision to her - there, I think she does need to make a change.

sneering snooty original post.

It must be nice for you to look down on this great swathe of your sisters in their moronic bovine pointlessness.

Many of us do loads of unpaid work, I've been a school gov for many years looking after the interests of all the pupils. I'm very active in the Friends as well. Most working mums have almost no time to contribute to the school which is fine but they need people like us.

Very many things dictate whether you can go back to work or not.
Partner's working hours and distance to work.
The availability of adequate childcare.
The availability of flexible work to return to.
Family nearby.
These things make a massive difference.
None of my working friends add up the many many many inset days I've had all their kids for free and picked them up when sick etc etc. My time is not of 'real' value somehow. They appreciate it but it hasn't got real value in monetary terms.

CareeringAlong I'm really interested to learn how you will be going back to work having taken so many years off? This is not an attack - I'd just like to know if you have any constructive advice on getting a PT or FT job in your previous profession that still enables you to be there for your DC esp as you mention even in school hols. What about the fact that you have been out of work for so long? My DD is just 1 and have another on the way and would eventually like to return to work but am baffled by how this can be achieved. Pls don't waste my time with abusive posts about feeling 'smug' because really what are you achieving? If you've really got it all worked out do share how you are able to lead such a delusional perfect life.

Matthew Wright is just about to discuss this on the Wright Stuff. See his researchers are doing another fantastic job of finding their own topics for discussion.

This topic is being discussed on The Wright Stuff now.

CareeringAlong is full of crap. It's probably not even a woman and there are probably no kids to speak of. Just a troll trying to be a shit disturber and he/she's succeeded.

x post with Karma.
I am at home, mn and watching tv. (It's ok though as I do have a dd who is not at school yet, although out at the mo'-bliss!)

Is it so hard for you to understand that while you are 'at work' SAHMs are also working. At home.
,
or are you just another blinkered pony repeating 'work is only work if you get paid for it. work is only work if you get paid for it. work is only work if you get paid for it. everything else is meaningless and hollow!!'

lucky you having a career, you must feel so fulfilled you never feel the urge to post inflammatory crap on parenting websites like the rest of us do...

Is the Wright stuff discussing this topic or this actual thread? (not in UK so can't check for myself).

can mn please put in some kind of safeguard to stop fishing threads being used so cheaply on daytime telly? or do we need to stop biting?

The topic stranded, but as usual the thieving git has been trawling on here for ideas