for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

[CareeringAlong]

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

Yes they are discussing this. Another amazing coincidence no doubt.

Not watching TWS but does anyone else suspect that the OP may be one of his 'researchers'? I hate to use that word becuase it would imply that they actually do SOME work...

OP- Should I feel even smugger then? I worked paid and voluntary AND had a pre-schooler, or is that not acceptable IYO?

I wish all I did was 'laze around' and yes I do have an hour or 2 when I can but the rest of my day is spent sorting out DS and household stuff as are many other people's1 Maybe parents of schoool age children who don't work just don't need to (lucky beggers , can't for financial or other reasons.

I have a few friend's whose kids go to school and don't work for very different reasons. One says she can't work because she has a bad back, yet she can go clubbing twice a week. Two says she can't work because unlesss she finds work to fit in with schoool hours it would not be financially viable to shell out for after school etc.

Some people have genuine reasons, some people don't. It's not my or YOUR place to judge which is right or wrong!

Yes the first thing that I thought as soon as I saw it was being discussed on the Wright SHow is that the OP is a researcher. In a way I hope so - it would be nice to think that a person such as Careeringalong doesn't actually exist! The researcher probably has no kids and no clue as to what it's like to either juggle work and children or to make the difficult decision not to return to work.

These threads erupt every time because they are about defensiveness and insecurity.
Op is clearly massively insecure or she wouldn't be defining herself by something that she doesn't actually do at the moment.
When I first left my career I was a dull fuck too. I used to say 'well at the moment I am at home but before...."
Now I have adjusted a d realised that defining myself by some off the shelf description was about self image and self worth.
I loved my job, it sounded impressive and involved a certain amount of status but I don't do that anymore. Now I do this. And actually I am happier than most I think. That isn't because I get to chose, which a lot of people don't , but because I am so happy that I don't feel the need to look at everyone else and bitch about their choices. That really is a fucking waste of a day

I think this thread should end on Pagwatches perfect summing up!

I agree.

Dammit!

Stop it

The End

Doh!

This is a brave thread to start! I think all women have a difficult time when children are on the scene - it's incredibly difficult to stay at home with young kids all the time and it's also difficult to juggle work and home life and you still feel the most responsible for cleaning, preparing food etc. I've done both and I don't feel smug about either role, they're both tough roles to fill!

'When I first left my career I was a dull fuck too. I used to say 'well at the moment I am at home but before...."
Now I have adjusted a d realised that defining myself by some off the shelf description was about self image and self worth. '

That is exactly how I felt at first when I left my full time job to stay home. But after a while i learned to love it!!

Well I think The Wright Stuff's searching analysis is a little mistimed as many SAHM's are currently watching the children of working parents as schools are closed due to 'the snow.

so glad i came back to catch up on this thread, not. yawn.

perfect summary though pagwatch.

Agree with pagwatch 100%.No 2 people are the same and life is too short to be anxious about your choices esp if you are happy.I was forced into being at home through ill health and then when I was better realised I loved it and found ds and a non WOHM life quite easy and fulfilling.I then turned my long time hobby into a part time job abd have had the best of both worldds.No 2 people are the same and none of my friends are bothered about what the others do!

Brilliant post from Pagwatch!
I couldn't care less what my friends or other mum acquaintances choose to do wrt their working lives - I and some others don't WOH at all any more, some of them do one day, others do more - but it's up to them and what works for them and their family.

Haven't noticed any smuggers among them either.

My career girl friends and my more 'home' friends have all envied each other for different reasons and at different times over the years depending on how stressed we are at the time but we mostly never talk about it!

What will I do when my DCs are at school? I'll continue to be the emergency contact for all of my friends' children, and will have them on any day they're ill/school's shut etc. I will also clean, cook and shop so I can spend more time with the DCs when they're home. And I'll volunteer a few hours a week for a charity I'm very keen to get involved with but currently don't have the time.
What I won't have to do is make complicated arrangements for my DCs to be at breakfast clubs/after school clubs/holiday clubs as I'll be able to do all drop offs, pick ups and be there in the holidays to look after them.
Will I feel superior? No. Do I feel inferior? No. We've made the best choice for our family.

If the OP is genuine, then I bet her work colleagues are really looking forward to her coming back!

fantastic post carrie well said!!!

i-was,771 of us are responding its a perennial.always worth a chuckle and sling in a comment. yes siree and undoubtedly this wont be the last sahm/work thread either so as i said i love a good ole sahm/work thread.

so if its all so lame why are you posting? arent you taking bait too.

I am a "stay-at-home mum". What do I do all day? I fill out job applications..and I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't doing that.

Stretch hope you get a job soon. Being a SAHM is obviously not for you, you are doing the right thing in looking for a job. However many women love being a SAHM, and find plenty to do all day.

And that is the crux of the whole thing OP. We live in a country which is by no means perfect, but where we hopefully have some choices in our lives.

And its a crying shame if a woman makes a choice, which suits her and her family, which is then ridiculed by another woman.

I am being facetious, I have plenty to do really and if I didn't have to find paid work I would do a bit of voluntary work. I think if I was more arty or even more domesticated it would help. Its nice to have time to do the garden...and this week walking to school with the sledge has been great fun. I know how much I will be missing out on when (if) I do go back to work.