for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

[CareeringAlong]

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

Sorry stretchmummy I thought you were being serious.

getorf what do i do now? i am going to Africa with the A380 and you just said it should be avoided,,ahhh,i was really looking forward to this trip now i am going to be thinking,,are we going to crush:o

this thread is a waste of time.

This post is like a traffic accident I can't help coming back to to have a look. It occured to me this morning as I stood at the drop off chatting with my SAHM friends (who I would love to dip in gold for the number of times they have helped me out) - that I have never felt judged by them for being a WOHM. They love getting my news on the latest restaurants/work politics/ city news and I love getting the school gate gossip/funny domestic ups and down stories from them. How sad that the outside world picks up on threads like this and make it seem that this war is real. My fear is it makes women who are trying to make the choice as to what is best for them, will be nervous to do what they really want for fear of being judged. And then we really are back living in the 50's.

I'll admit that I have never felt judged by anybody for being either a working Mum or a non-working Mum. An awful lot is in people's heads, I suspect. We are all in the same boat and all basically struggling with the same problems. There are good things about working and I would prefer to be doing it, but I have had some magic times with my kids the past year and I wouldn't have missed those for the world....some bloody lonely, shouty times as well though-mind.

Still I am free to put the Christmas tree up this PM, couldn't do that if I was working. (unless it was the office tree...sigh!!!).

I agree about the train wreck analogy. It was a pretty spiteful thread to start-and I did have hopes it would be die with just a few TIC comments-but who ever started (and s/he is too chicken to use their regular name) was never going to let that happen.

I suspect though that they will cry woe is me when a SAHM gets defensive.

but bickie - there are some women for whom this "war" is real - some who have posted on this thread and others that they are given a hard time by friends, relatives, colleagues, random strangers for their personal choices.

I am very glad for you that you don't have any of these problems - but others do.

bickie think you're overstating this,mn and random others opinion wont change anyone intended plan.pragmatically people will talk to partners,examine preferences,and account for finances,career and costs

interesting you note you are unaffectionate by working/sahp and you regale your friends with accounts of what goes on,and they you.

Yet you fear others wont act for fear being judged.well if you managed it why cant another woman?

Scottishmummy - good point. And looks like final point!

bump!

ha ha

please, no.

Just out of interest - I don't use MN that much and I have seen this 'bump' thing - assuming it somehow gets the topic reignited? How does it work?

just brings it back into active convos

I don't think smug is a nice word to use, or superior. I agree those who classify themselves as FT sahms when DC are at school does sound a bit innocuous but they do see their role as busy, although of course working Mums juggle it all.

I've always worked with DC, pt for a few years before going back ft, which was ideal, and yes I did feel a bit envious of others who could stay home. I did wonder how they coped without financial independence and whether their partners had the say in everything due to being the earner.

My DC is sen and most of the parents at the specialist school are BOTH sahps as they have a lot of issues themselves.

I'm a SAHM to 5 kids. I feel like I'm sort of redeemed by the fact DH works away and there is 5 of them 😂

Any job pays so you work the hours and earn money so it all adds up. I do 'crappy' jobs on top of my own professional one just to try and save.

So common consensus seems to be...
SAHMs of school age kids being defensive and joking about baking quality cakes, have no desire to get a crappy job and happy to rely on DP earning.

Working Mums emphasise that, while they don't all want to work, they see the value in being independent, contributing to the family and society and security for any uncertain future. Some even enjoy their jobs!

Just a crude analysis.

I'm in the middle. I've worked hard for 40 years but would have loved to have some time off (the pt years with very young DC were ideal).

I think if you want to be a sahp and have the option to be then that's great 👍 I loved the fact my Mum was at home as a young child, though she did work when we were at school but even then was there before we went and when we came home. In that generation it was normal and Mums had a much harder job of it literally and figuratively.

What does WOH mean?

That's a very fortunate position to be in but unfortunately many aren't.

Fuck me this thread is still going 15 years later

I was just about to say that 😆