to think my mum shouldn't bollock me for running out of loo paper.

[VivaLeBeaver]

We ran out of loo paper the other morning, not a problem I thought. I stopped at the shop on the way to work and brought it home with me. Noone was at home all day so nobody should have had a problem with this.

My mum just rang up screeching that she was near my house the other day and needed a crap so let herself into my house, had a crap and then had no loo paper. She's proper furious and just gave me a lecture on how I should always have a cupboard full of spare loo rolls and what a slattern I am for running out and I should be more organised. My house, my business. I politely pointed out it wasn't a problem for me and now she's in a right huff.

I can't believe she came round and had a crap in my loo. She's told me off for the bath been mucky as well. (cat was playing in the bath and left muddy paw prints).

At least now I know who left DD's bedroom door open and allowed the dog to get in there and shit on the rug sleep on her bed all day.

This is too funny, your Mum shouldv'e checked before she went and surely she'd have some tissues in her handbag.

My mother is the same though, she has cupboards full of loo roll and adult wet wipes from M&S. But then she's a curtain twitcher and thinks people who have their curtains closed after 9am are uncivilised.

karmic payback acts fast in your house then!

I'd hand her some sudocrem and tell her where to stick it! with a smile on my face of course......

and anyway, your mothers' shitty arse would surely be wiped clean from sitting atop her high bloody horse eh?

go to her house when she is out

take a large dump

don't flush

leave

The tone in here is really sinking.

Bet netmums dont do toilet chat.

I'd give this thread 10 minutes if I were you.

Yeah, those Netmummers do shit, it's just pink and glittery.

Would a netmummer ever run out of toilet roll in the first place?

Don't diss the glittery shit, it was a big hit on MN a few weeks ago!

It gets better.

After she left here she was meeting a friend and they went for an 8 mile walk. She had to walk 8 miles with a shitty bum.

Ouch 8 miles of crusty shit chafing :o

Please tell me you aren't keeping a straight face!

I'm voting for a move to classics, this is brilliant :o

She found absolutely nothing? Not even newspapers, leaflets, leaves from your houseplants? Maybe not if she completely overlooked the baby wipes.

Should really be disgusted reading this while I eat but the mental image image of a woman with her knickers round her ankles and shitty bum, searching your home for arsewiping material is the funniest thing I've read all day

Now, if all else fails and you can't find anything at all to wipe your bum on but you were meeting a friend, and going on a 8 mile walk would you consider wiping it with your hand and then scrub your hands?

Just a thought, unless OP didn't have hand soap either!

I have plenty of soap in the house, and newspapers.

Mum's just left. Told me as a parting shot that I need to put a bottle of bleach down the loo.

Did she leave you a pressie in the loo this evening?!

Go and look now!

You need to have a whole cupboard full of loo paper locked with a big padlock so that next time she comes round she can't call you a slattern!

Why bleach? Is her poo that bad???!!!!

OMG, do people like this actually exist?! She sounds vulgar and incredibly rude.

I don't have a sister otherwise I would swear we had the same mother. You might be one of my cousins of course as her sisters are exactly the same.

My mother managed to cancel my husband's dentist appointment on friday (she cleans our house on a Friday - I do pay her I might stress at this point). Dentist's receptionist phones up to remind him, as they are want to do (he didn't need reminding, he knew) and gets her. He turned up there in the afternoon to be told a lady had cancelled his appointment when they rang earlier to remind him. "I expect he's forgotten, sorry" she apparently told the receptionist. .

And she shrank my jumper.

My mother always brings spare loo rolls with her when she comes to stay, in casewerun out. Needless to say, dictated by sod's law, we only ever run out ornearly run out when she is here, so all her suspicionsare confirmed

LMAO..she should have carried some tissue in her hand-bag tis a mothers law don't cha know...she's a hang-bag slattern

My mother also brings coffee with her. And I am dreading Christmas already, it's not her so much (once I have tipped a bottle of wine down her throat she is doable) but the actual arrival. She descends with hundreds of carrier bags and brings her own duvet, because clearly our spare bed doesn't have one of those.

This is a wonderful story. Please start a regular thread/blog. You could call it 'Shit my mother does'.

Unrulysun, I laughed aloud at that! Thanks!